Need a vacation from myself

Post Reply New Topic

I've struggled with so many things in life; as many others have. I often say to people when they ask me 'why don't you smile more', 'why are you never upbeat', 'why are you...fill in the blank'; I tell them I've had a very hard life, and they say 'well it couldn't have been that bad?!'.

I need a vacation from myself. Its bothering me how difficult something like this is to actually obtain. Its not a place I can go, its not a thought that I can think, not a book I can read, its not something I can own, or a status to be obtained. Even just a few days; not to be me! It would be such a relief.

Sadly, I can't escape from myself. There's no where I can go, or anything I can do without me being right there. A little hard to explain I guess. I'm never truly at peace. I worry, I have 1000's of exceptionally traumatic memories which pop up and bother me without warning.

The neighbours across the back lane of my house are having a loud, roudy party right now. Chanting and drinking together like a bunch of vikings. I've never been able to fit in at social gatherings. Eventually I decided avoidance is less traumatic than going to gatherings and not fitting in.

What would I have to give up to swap bodies and minds with one of these hedonistic party goers for a day or two? Like those old disney story's about people swapping bodies; That's what I'd like, just that for a couple of days!

I have often desired that, but unfortunately, it isn't possible. However, I now live alone, which is far better than living with relatives or anyone else. At least I have less stress now, and it's more peaceful this way, except for the new neighbor with a motor cycle. Living alone is almost as good as a vacation from self, as it's a permanent vacation from having to live with incompatible people. We all drove one another crazy. I definitely never want to live with others again!

Temporary body swapping wouldn't work. If you were to switch bodies and minds with someone else for a couple of days, you wouldn't want to switch back, and the original owners would sure be sore about being stuck with yours, while you live it up with theirs.

I am often told, "You are your own worst enemy." I want a vacation from myself, too. I get really, really depressed about this... problem is, it is me that makes me depressed. Psychologists have told me that anger turned inward is what leads to depression, and that idiom seems correct to me.

In the end, it seems to me more that I need to learn how to be friends with myself, no so much take a vacation from myself, really.

I tried the party thing and found it empty and boring. The party thing just isn't me and I have come to accept that I am far happier living life on my own terms than trying to be someone I am not. What I need a vacation from is my executive dysfunctions and from the people around me. I have found that getting away from my life for a few days lets me have a better perspective and that I can then come home and clean house. If I don't step back I can't change things I need to change because I lose all perspective.

Oh good. Where are we all going?

I concur and I would add that once you are happy by accepting oneself. Others will interact different, but they might try and bring you down, by thinking it is abnormal for you. Just ignore them.

How about one of those really loud nightclubs full of music so loud you can't hear yourself think, lots of flashing lights including strobes, and people, so many people...

Or maybe not, could I really find a body to swap with that really genuinely loves this stuff...

Maybe, maybe they'd like a quiet night in

Best of luck on that venture. A body swap like that would be like being trapped in a personal hell for all involved me thinks. I sit even possible that there are people who genuinely like that stuff? *shivers*

I think you're probably right...

sorry, did not mean to give you shivers...

I cannot stand really busy loud night-clubs I have great difficulty understanding how anyone finds them fun but have always been curious as to why others seem to enjoy them...maybe you're right maybe no-one really enjoys these places perhaps they just think they should

With nightclubs I've always wondered if there was just something I was missing in my understanding of the world as I've never got why they were so popular....of course if I do have AS that'd probably explain why I dislike nightclubs so much...

definitely think that most people who say they like it actually feel like they just should like it. Pretty sure the only thing you are missing in your understanding is that the majority of people who claim to enjoy it are either drunk or high and usually just looking for sex. I realize I may sound bitter but I used to work in bar. It leaves much to be desired. In nightclubs, I think the loud music just enables the avoidance of intelligent conversation lol. But thats just my opinion...maybe I'm just old lol

You said it yourself: there's not a place you can go, not a thought you can think, not a book you can read, not something you can own, or a status to be obtained.

There is nothing you can do but stop everything you have been doing. Let it all fall away. All of your memories, they are done with, they cannot happen again. No matter how hard you try to stick them to yourself, they will eventually lose their stickiness and fall off. You can either keep sticking them to yourself, with all of the effort and energy that requires, or you can let them slip away silently, just by watching them. Just observe them, know that they are not a part of you in this very moment, and watch them slip away.

You can take a vacation from yourself anytime you want to. All you have to do is decide to take a vacation. That's it. You don't even have to come back. You can stay out there. In every moment you have the opportunity to be whatever you want to be.

When I need a break from myself, I find a quiet place and copletely lose myself in a book. Pure fantasy or sci-fi, nothing to do with the real world. By the time I come back to being me, usually I feel better.