Old sites, old friends, lost opportunities

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Yes, bit of a random title I know and I'm not sure what it all means myself. Well, I probably do, but please bear with my ramblings, because that's just the strange mood I'm in at the moment ...

I was browsing a site I used to post on a lot today, reminiscing about old threads and some of the good times I had posting there. I then got a bit overwhelmed seeing old on-line friends avatars, most of who don't post anymore and just wondering what happened to them.

Then I saw someone who I know isn't with us anymore and came over a bit depressed about all that.

I know on-line friendships are probably quite transient, but sometimes its all I've had in the past, and it's still sad we all fell away from each other.

And what about lost opportunities? Well, I guess I had chances to help people with things, which I was always a bit afraid to (never wanting to push people in the wrong direction or feel responsible if people followed my advice and it went wrong). I guess I also had chances to build some better and longer lasting friendships, but like in the real world it's a bit of out-of-sight out-of-mind when I'm not on my friends' radar.

Should I really get so worked up about having or losing friendships on line with people I don't really know? Is that normal?

Perhaps I'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment. Or could it be my aspieness doesn't like change and that's the problem?

Anyhow, does anyone else ever get like this? Am I stupid for expecting too much from virtual friendships?

I remember finding out an old online friend had passed away. I knew him about 12 years ago and he died about eight years ago. I was really, really upset. I had never seen his photo, I just knew he used to be friendly with me on IRC chatrooms and I was so upset that he was gone. I even wrote to (who I thought) was his ex. I probably got completely the wrong person, but I needed closure. Just sending the message made me feel better.

Also, when that programme was out with Luke Jackson and his family, I got in touch with him and was heartbroken when he suddenly cut me out.

Yes, although it doesn't make sense - it's normal. These days I try to get to know people online who I think I'll eventually meet IRL i.e. not internationally. Otherwise it seems pointless to me to get attached to mostly text.

However, I made one friend from Sweden who I've known since 1999 and every now and again we send each other sweets in the post. We only met again in the summer this year (after 11 years) and it was fun. I'm going to visit her in Sweden next year and I can't wait.

......As for lost opportunities - I rarely get a positive response when getting back in touch with old friends. They've usually moved on and changed, and sometimes aren't too welcoming.

I've been feeling nostalgic lately, too.

I think to some extent missing the pass is an admission that we aren't confident in the future, and that we should be doing more to take control of it.

I know how to do that in most ways, but socially I've never broken the code.

For me my online friends can be every bit as real as my real life ones and losing them hurts just as much. One of them even for a short blessed time became the angel of my life and I met her many times for real.

But I know most of them don't think the same way I do. And when people seem to disappear, just how long must I continue to chase after them? Is everything really that fleeting and transient?

I've realized that over the years the majority of my social interaction has been strictly on message boards. This is very sad because the nature of online contact can be very fleeting. I do wonder about what happened to people I"talked" to. One woman's (user)name I can't even remember but I often wonder how her children are doing (one was sick). I think for HFA/ AS people it's even more painful because these are the only "friends" we've got.

I don't think an online "friendship" or social interaction is necessarily inferior to meeting in person. If it feels real then it is real.

But the semi-anonymous nature of message boards makes it easier to lose people and then have no way of ever finding them again. If you lost track a of a real person then chances are pretty high that you'll hear about them again one way or another. Google knows where they are. But once NorwegianWood1965 is gone, she's gone forever.

But I like the freedom that comes from the ability to be lost. I don't want people paying attention to me. That's why I'm never joining Facebook. I don't want to suddenly reconnect with every person I met over the past 40 years. Plenty of them are nice people, but I don't want to spend 4 hours a day reading about their lives and explaining mine.

Are Aspies more prone to disappearance? I started reading the Dino Aspie Cafe thread from the beginning. Almost every one of those people is gone. The survival rate for British infantry at the Battle of the Somme was higher.

I will try to communicate more often with WP members by PM in order to try to build closer friendships.