Truly in need of help from other late-diagnosed adults.

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I am SO sorry for what you went through. I am a psychologist (though not THAT kind of psychologist) and an Aspie. I got diagnosed when I was in graduate school. I was so happy to have an explanation, but instead of making things easier, it actually seemed to make a barrier between me and my partners, collegaues, and friends, none of whom were aspies. Many of them reacted as your psychdid, that the fact that I had empathy, etc. meant I coudn't have an ASD. Grrr. That of course meant I shouldn't get any accommodations. Me asking for them meant my workplace suddenly thought I was a troublemaker, when all I wanted was to help maximize my performance. It's not unusual for folks to get diagnosed after their kids, since we haven't been diagnosing all that long in this country. My cousin with AS was adult diagnosed as well. So hang in there, and know that lots of us understand at least part of the pain of misdiagnosis and the trauma the world can inflict on an ongoing basis.

Sorry to hear about the bad experience with the Therapist.

From my own experience, there are professionals that are quite capable of aiding those of us with AS. Apparently, I got lucky.

From what I've learned so far (as a relatively recently diagnosed Aspie) it is not uncommon for misdiagnoses. Apparently, Aspies can exhibit symptoms of OCD, ADHD, Depression, etc. which often leads to a misdiagnosis (or incomplete ones) with professionals that are not more Aspie centric (or somewhat specialized). The Clinical Psychologist I currently visit specializes in Neuro-psychology, Aspergers, Depression, etc. and is well familiarized with Aspies.

This is not to say that more mainstream Therapy hadn't somewhat messed me up. In my late 20's I spent some time in Therapy and Group Therapy. Am just now finding out, as an Aspie with our own unique perspectives - challenges with empathy - taking things literally, I'd misinterpreted much of what I'd thought I'd learned back then, and subsequently practiced. Probably contributed greatly to the break up of the one real worthwhile loving relationship I've ever had in my 50 some years on this wrong planet.

But, discovering I'm an Aspie feels like the best thing that could have happened (though not without the OMG I'm friggin Autistic moments). Knowing it has helped me immensely, because I can now try to mitigate it when needed, I see things for the first time that I hadn't ever seen before (which at times, does cause a rain of tears). Becoming more functional in an NT world has become one of my special interests We Aspies are pretty tenacious about our special interests.

FWIW, my recommendation would be to look for an Aspie specific Psychologist. How the one I see has most helped, is by being the sounding board for me regarding things I just can't seem to get with any modicum of proficiency (like some relationship stuff, work related politics, etc.). Sort of like a Translator for me, she is able to interpret what I experience (and left completely clueless as to why someone/or something would be that way) and put into a perspective I can get. We are usually good with patterns and routines as well, so hoping over time I'll learn many of them I otherwise may not ever get in this lifetime.

Also have a book recommendation - Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. Have it on audio and have listened to it several times, really helped me in short order to get some of the common challenges most Aspies face in an NT world.

Fear not, it is possible to make it all work, even in the NT world.

What a lot of wasted potential. Really, as I read everyone's posts I am struck by the similarity of all the life stories!

If the NT world only realised the potential of the many, many people with AS - diagnosed and undiagnosed - we have so much insight and unrealised (I say it again) potential!

It's a crime to waste all these bright articulate folks on the altar of stigma and ignorance! Dear me!

The constant, lifelong introspection and torment we have all sufferred is sad!

After now 9 years of knowledge of my AS and nearly constant reading and enquiry....more counselling too!....I find I'm slowly becoming victimised by my own fear of my AS!

Isn't that sad?

I worry that people will not be able to handle it and am stung into immobility with fear of rejection!

Is this something which others of you have found?

After feeling completely liberated after diagnosis things are changing and (while I understand myself a lot better) I am slowly becoming more isolated as I battle with loneliness as I transition into retirement!

I am developing greater interest and curiosity about the world and it's wonderfully various peoples and their lives but feel like hiding away and just spectating!

What a waste!

Ha ha,....I notice I've become a butterfly! What does that mean?

Agreed. After years in engineering and quality, I now work for state government. My fears about, and perception of, how broken government is were not only justified, I should have been more worried. And it's so easy to fix...



The rejection sucks. They way I developed to deal with it is this: I just be direct, tell them I'm likely to piss people off because I don't or can't get it, but if they are direct with me, they'll find I'm pleasant, compassionate and funnier than hell, will be accountable for screwing it up (read that as offending someone), and will always serve what's fair and just. Every once in awhile I'll find someone that will appreciate it.



Really get the spectator piece. Wasn't too long ago was out looking at the night sky asking for my mother ship to come get me, because I must have been inadvertently dropped off on the wrong planet (then I found this place). For now, I just develop more special interests to focus on.

I felt a lot of resonance with what you say Grand Tour Sedan.
In childhood I was considered the off-spec one in the family and was treated as such.

Also I had to really insist that my doctor refer me for diagnosis as he was dismissive of my concerns. Now when I go to the surgery (for other reasons) it seems my diagnosis has meant that I get treated as a child..

I think a lot of us late diagnosed peeps are carrying scars from years of feeling/being displaced.

I have found that I can trust therapists who are experienced with autism. Above all though, I look at the person's personality. I work in the mental health industry and not every mental health professional LIKES their clients or considers them human. I work based on the philosophy of listening to the person and treating them as a person. I also like my clients and don't think I am better because I have a degree. This is a gift that comes from struggling with mental illness myself. But for the grace of God go I. I encourage you to look for mental health professionals who are like me, people who listen and care. It might take some effort to find a good match but it is possible.

The comment that started the thread and all the replies are oh so familiar.

I haven't been formally diagnosed yet, looking for someone competent enough to actually do so. I mainly want the official diagnosis as a backstop in case I ever need services or ADA protection at some point.

What made it all click was a huge fallout with my family (parents, siblings). One of my parents had a major health episode that caused me to suddenly have to have massive amounts of contact with all of them. I quickly remembered why I had purposely avoided them all and tried to make sure I lived somewhere else. It all became so bad that I had to estrange myself from all of them when I insisted very clearly I needed some boundaries and everyone completely ignored what I requested. So trying to deal with that caused me to think about lots of things that happened as a kid that had always made me feel awful or like I was out of step with everyone else in my family. One of the huge sticking points since I was maybe 3-4 years old was that I just didn't buy into religion. It wasn't just that I wasn't interested, I just was incapable of buying into the concept in any way. So I considered the entire thing stupid and acted like a 3-4 year old kid being asked to do something stupid. So some research to try to figure out why I can't make myself truly get religion, I ran into a bunch of information about AS. That was the 1000 puzzle pieces coming together as I read more about AS and took a couple of online tests. I scored really high on both.

I have been able to function fairly well, I learn new things quickly and can fake my way through many things. Just do not ask me to deal with people. The social aspects of school, work etc. make me miserable. I don't know what people expect me to do and just do not want to be there. Of course this has caused constant problems and I get labeled as not a team player or a troublemaker.

Lots of the classic sounding things set me off, sound, smells, bright lights. I have the same problem I have seen mentioned a number of places where lots of ongoing noise is impossible to filter out. If someone is talking I can't tune out the background noises.

Probably the worst is when the things that I really can't deal with, I get put down or yelled at for not being able to deal with them. But at least now I know it is the way I am wired, not that I am some sort of bad person for the way I am.

Years ago I was working as a Port Controller in a tower on my own in a port in NW Australia. My job was to coordinate all ship movements in and out of this port and all the port services needed by the ship during its stay in the port.
One day the company Human Resources lady visited. We had quite a long discussion. During our talk she said something that has always stuck with me: "all controllers are "different" to the other employees! They seem to be able to function in isolation from the other parts of the company, without the input from anyone else."
It was a productive time in my life but did nothing for my integration with my colleagues in the company! Consequently, all my jobs after that time were in isolated positions, which involved no, or limited interaction with other people!
I am now retired and am still isolated, mostly preferring my own company. Oh, how I wish sometimes I was not ASD!