Anyone regret getting a diagnosis?

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Reading everyone's comments and, yes, I agree that I do not want a diagnosis to be used against me in the future and I can see that happening since so few NT people try to understand that aspies are people just like them that are wired a bit differently. As my NT husband has come to think of it, the NT mind runs a Windows Operating system and my mind runs on Linux. That does not mean that I can't function. I may function better. However, if you try and upload and run a program written for Windows, I'm going to crash. At least all of this, learning about myself has helped him understand me better and I think our marriage has much better odds of succeeding because he's quit taking my "crashing" personally.

Like you, GiantHockeyFan, I think a diagnosis would be for ME. Clearly, even if I did get diagnosed, the aid that I need would not be there as it simply does not exist. (I can work a full-time job although I seem to hit burn out much easier than my NT counterparts and often find myself in a fetal position on the couch in my free-time just trying to deal with stress. It boggles my mind sometimes how people manage to balance housework and family and friends and hobbies... I pretty much just manage to work and do the fetal position thing on the couch and sometimes I'm not sure that qualifies as "functioning".)

I will probably just go ahead as I am, knowing that a doctor writing it on a piece of paper won't make my symptoms any more or less true.

To me this is a very important reason to get the diagnosis.

If they say you don't have it, then there must be another explanation for the Asperger's-like symptoms and this could be relatively benign or very dangerous. You probably want to know with certainty. And the diagnosis might significantly influence what kind of steps you take to ameliorate your symptoms.

I hear fear around having the diagnosis, but little evidence of actual harm done.

WOW....this is a good topic for me. I was wondering if I should get a diagnosis. But will have to read all these lots to understand all the points. For you...I kind of get what you are saying....as best as I can. I think you just want to hear it.

Up until recently...I only heard a few people say I have it. A doctor when I was 3....and a professor when I was in my late 30's. Now my co workers talk and I heard they all think I have it.

So I am trying to cover it all up...and not doing a great job. And I wondered if I should cover it up (my differences) or find out if it is true.
But lots of good points. Because some people are assuming I have it and are not so nice. Others are nice and they kind of help me. But I don't know. I will have to read this some more.

But it doesn't sound like anyone is mean to you right now which is good. I hope it stays that way for you.
That one person that posted had a husband use it against her. This is a hard one to know what is right or wrong since there are no clear outcomes for either way.
I am just going to go to sleep now. Hope the psychologist is nice to you and helps. Hope you find another one if not.

No regrets at all! it answered a lot of questions about me and has given me a degree of peace.

Specifically, I would be concerned that the doctor would reject the true hypothesis and create a false negative. In adults, my fear (and please note that i have no basis to feel this way) is that we've made it so far without noticing that clearly we don't have it despite volumes of evidence, and thus the doctor would be more inclined to say we do NOT have it. This would only provide family members the ammo needed to continue to discount what we know to be true.

Irrational? absolutely. doesn't mean I won't stop thinking about that though

The disclosure ruined my career. After losing my job, then the house, belongings, investments, retirement, etc. I become very depressed and sought help last year. During consultation, I was found to have ASD. Due to federal rules on medical disclosure, I was compelled to tell. Shortly there after my career ended, furthering depressing my situation. At the beginning of this year, I was then diagnosed with Adult Onset Tourettes, triggered by a year of emotional stress. Things are terrible. I have many times been suicidal. Once down, they keep kicking you. How much do you take! Never should I have sought help!

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that you can find a way to rebuild something new.

I am a bit confused about the sequence--it sounds like you only sought help after losing your job, house, belongings, and savings. How then did the diagnosis ruin your career? Had you been hired into another job with disclosure requirements? If you were unemployed how did your career end? Is the case that the diagnosis means you can never work in your field again?

I don't see this being an issue in my line of work or for my future plans, but I am terribly, terribly sorry that it happened to you.

I am being assessed in a couple of weeks. I have thought about the same thing, but I come to the same conclusions each time:

Do I have all the symptoms? Yes, though some are "mild."
Do they currently impair my life? Yes, at work and at home--as my wife will make clear to the Doc. (not entirely looking forward to that!)

So there has to be some explanation. If it isn't Aspergers, then it is something that looks very like it but has another name. I want to know which because I want to make sure that the things I do to try to compensate for the issues that give me trouble at work and in my marriage are correct and appropriate for the actual causes.

If the doc says it's something other than Aspergers and his recommended approaches don't improve things, I will then go to another doctor to get a second opinion. This stuff didn't come from nowhere.

This is a little off topic, but relevant, perhaps some of you can give me some insight. My partner is an undiagnosed aspie. We realised last summer when 2 different people suggested it. We have worked at things together and understanding this has helped our relationship hugely. He was so adept at covering most of his 'oddness' (for the want of a better word) most things didn't really show up until we lived together which caused problems, but we've both worked hard at communicating with success. He's high functioning, and with my support is not bothered about getting a diagnosis.

However he has a younger sister who we also think has some difficulties. My hunch is that she's also on the spectrum. She's living alone at the moment but needs daily support from her mother and seems incapable of taking up the reins of her life. She also has had a problem with drinking, which she's not doing at the moment, but she's talking about starting again, probably because since she's stopped her ability to be social has also stopped. She's not working at the moment, and was dismissed from her previous job for poor attendance, but she doesn't seem to be interested in looking for work even though she knows she can only stay in her flat for a finite period of time before she needs to be bringing in an income. The whole family are very worried about her, when she was drinking she got herself into some dangerous scrapes, but they are getting weary of dealing with supporting her. (I hope that doesn't sound harsh, they have their lives to lead too, especially her mother) I am considering, with the rest of the family's consent (my partner already agrees) talking to her about this and perhaps helping her to get a diagnosis, but as this would be life changing I want to make sure that I'm doing the right thing in the right way. There's a lot more to my hunch than what I've posted here, she shows some very clear signs of being on the spectrum, now I know what it is, I just want to get some help with what I might do about it.

Roch,
It sounds like your sister-in-law could use some help and that not getting help could possibly end up a lot worse for her than facing the world with a diagnosis.

I debate whether I need a formal diagnosis and whether I should to disclose to people why I am the way I am; however, there is no denying that talking to a professional has been a good thing for me--a lifesaver even. As a female that KNOWS I'm an Aspie whether anyone verifies it, I can verify the torture of spending years of your life wondering why you just don't seem to fit in or quite meet social expectations. Then you add in being a girl... there are expectations from society that we SHOULD be really good with all of this communication and intuitive stuff and that we should automatically care about certain things because we are female... and few people cut us slack. Also, our symptoms don't always appear as blatantly obvious to others and some of us are good at mimicry and hiding some of our struggles so in the past a lot of female Aspies have gone under the radar.

Rudy Simone's book "Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome" and Tony Attwood's descriptions of ASD in females helped me a lot. For the first time, I was able to realize that this mess of a life has not been a matter of me "just not trying hard enough" and I am working on cutting myself some slack. Just realizing that over stimulation is the cause of a lot of my meltdowns and that I need to remove myself from the stimulus has made a big difference. A lot of people have told me in the past that I should be able to handle something because look at all that they can handle... We are not the same people and comparing myself to others never works out for me.

I went through a phase where alcohol was a real problem, too. I thought it helped me socialize better, that maybe others found me more fun that way. I tried to compensate for what I could not understand about myself. I had a few scary episodes where I didn't know if I was going to have alcohol poisoning and people commented on how "extreme" I was and how it wasn't appealing. I cut way back to just an occasional drink or two. The people who were really my friends like me just fine without the excessive alcohol and I couldn't really afford the party lifestyle either.

My decision to seek diagnosis was based on NEEDING to know one way or the other, after many years of a growing suspicion. Once diagnosed I find that the label of "aspergers" or any other label means very little.

In the end I think that the best thing is to say "I am me and that is what matters". There can be support after a diagnosis, but I didn't find any of it useful. If you too NEED to know, then is best to seek the answers or forever wonder. Its not as if you suddenly are forced to wear a shirt with ASPERGERS written on it in big letters or even tell anyone at all. Knowing can help to reach personal understanding, but perhaps not always.

Scubasgirl - Thank you so much. It's clear what I should do now, your first sentence put it all into perspective, doing nothing isn't an option.

This is precisely why I got a diagnosed.

I wanted to understand whether my symptoms were due to Aspergers or something else (including: Extreme Introversion, Shyness, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Giftedness, Sensory Processing Disorder, Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety, Avoidant Personality, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and Schizoid). Particularly since the treatment differs, depending upon the diagnosis.

A little update: diagnosed today.

299.80 Aspergers Disorder

No surprise. But a relief to know that all those pieces that suddenly made sense and fit together, really do make sense and fit together.

Now to find work arounds for the executive functioning stuff, minor accommodations for the misunderstandings at work and a lot of work on flexible thinking and control issues in my marriage.

My first action on returning home from my diagnostic evaluation today was to spontaneously take my family out for a treat in town and a walk in the park. An unplanned, spur of the moment thing, unlike me. I know I won't be NT ever, but I hope to meet my wife half-way instead of making her come 3/4 or 90% of the way to my view all the time.

It's a goal, anyway.

Another little update!

My partner and I had a drink and a talk with his mum about his sister. I've been very anxious about it, I didn't want to seem like the outsider coming in and pointing fingers at both her children! My partner was amazing and took control of the situation, it was very hard for him but he explained to his mum just how this affects him and how difficult life could be at times. He then suggested that his sister might have similar traits and that a diagnosis might help her. I'd taken some research that I'd already done with us so she had something to take away. She said she wasn't surprised and would give the information a look over, and talk to their dad about it (they're no longer together) I imagined that she would take some time to assimilate the information but 2 days later I got a text from her to say she'd talked to her daughter about it and she thought it had helped her make sense of a lot, that they were going to look into it further and to thank us both for what we did. I'm so relieved it went well and hopeful for the future, even if she can't access any formal help then there is informal help available, and her family (and me) to support her. I just know from experience how much it helps when you know what you're dealing with. Thanks for replying scubasgirl, you gave me the last bit of confidence I needed to push this through. x

This. It took me a year to reassess my identity after a diagnosis, but since then sooo much of my life has been easier - beyond what I could have ever imagined...