Family Members Who Don't Believe Diagnosis

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Relieved as I was after diagnosis I told it to all close relatives, friends, my boss (not smart ? - maybe, but, hey, I'm an Aspie) and even posted it on facebook (really dumb? well...). No one openly disbelieved it yet. My nephew had some doubts, but he didn't press the matter. I was a bit careful in telling my parents, left the A-words out. It's alright for them. Maybe it's easier because they are both in their eighties and a bit tired. My sons know me as a bit strange, but I guess they love me anyway and seeing I am happy with the label, they accept it.
With my wife, believing was no problem at all. The discovery just came quite late, at a stage of very improbable reconciliation. I haven't told her yet she may well be an aspie too, but that belongs into the partnership threads. My in-laws, who gave me a very hard time for "not trying hard enough", might doubt just to be able to keep up their resentment, but I don't bother to communicate with them any more.
Maybe people who are genuinely fond of an aspie don't care much for the diagnosis and are more willing to accept the label than people whose own issues, conscious or not, predominate their relationship to the aspie.

Okay..read you all owned up to being AS. .....DON"T ! I don't tell any NT's what I am. They can never know how it feels or how we relate, only another AS can make a guess of how we feel.

I have a psychoanalyst customer who told me, in confidence, she wondered about my abilities.
I told her that being an NT she wouldn't understand. She said she thought I was AS when she first meet me being as I approached the problem with her car differently than the other tech's she'd ask about it.

What was the problem ? Her car scrubbed out the right front tyre in about 6 months and she had everything done to it else where with same wear continuing..

I asked her if she lived on the opposite side of the road as she approached her home. She said "Yes"...problem solved.

My family knows I'm unconventional but not why. Friend knows...one of about three I have.....because he thought he had it...he doesn't.

So in short...keep it to yourself.



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Only my wife has any inkling of what I suspect I have (never having had a formal diagnosis). She's a nurse, and whilst she agreed that I probably fit enough of the criteria for a diagnosis of AS, and that it explains a lot, she's still fairly dismissive about it .

My last experience with a doctor was that I was "too old to have it, as it would have been picked up earlier in life", so frankly I can't face the bother of getting a proper diagnosis at this late stage.

So no-one else has any idea of what I suspect, nor will they - they can just carry on thinking I'm anti-social and weird (when I have a meltdown )

How I was diagnosed is immaterial. ( Two independent doctors.) I don't wear being AS as a badge.
My father is...( My diagnosis.) my granddaughter is ( Professional diagnosis.)....to the point my daughter is paid by the state to give my granddaughter continual support.

My granddaughter was pulled out of school when she was 11 to go to a school with teachers who were able to educate autistic spectrum students.

I have always worked alone, either truck driver or self employed. Tried a corporate job once, lasted 3 days.

I was married 17 years to a very accommodating lady . I screwed that up. My second marriage was 12 years of purgatory with a lady with bi polar, manic depressive compulsive obsessions . She divorced me .

You do what you want to, just don't come here looking for sympathy and consolation when you get rejected .


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My father and brother flat out refuse to believe I have aspergers and thinks I want to have it as an excuse for the way I act. My sister believes but no one actually knows what happens inside my head and I don't know how to explain it to them. Even my co-worker made complaints about me, all the issues had to do with aspergers and she believes I'm making it up and I am purposely being rude and acting different. When I go to explain what I go through I instantly forget what to say and loose focus on what I need to discuss. When people don't believe me it makes it worse on me because I feel bad I can't explain myself. People need to educate themselves better on aspergers to make me feel better, so I don't feel like a freak when I act differently to other people.

it is now a year since i had my diagnose and told friends and family.
all my friends understood my point of view, my feeling of relief and so on.
my father haven't said one word about it at all. when i told my parents, he was all silence.
my brother apparently has a hard time believing me being an aspie, although he works with people on autistic spectrum.
my brothers view bothers me more than my fathers silence though.
strange isn't it, how family sees you from a radically different point than your friends.

Some people don't believe in Dissociative Identity Disorder, or multiple personalities. But it is real. Many people in this world cannot or choose not to believe something they are ignorant or afraid of. It is sad, but do not let the ignorance of others hold you back. As long as you continue to learn and better yourself then you are way ahead of the people who refuse to listen to you...and in turn stay the same forever.

UPDATE: My therapist recently gave me a written (and signed) "report" on the testing he had given to me, and it included my diagnoses (depression, anxiety, Asperger's). It also included the elevations I had on the personality inventory.

I showed it to my dad, thinking that if he saw it in black and white it might make it more real for him. He read the whole thing, then put it down and said, "They found everything wrong with you, didn't they?". That was our entire discussion on the subject.

My father died just under a decade ago, but my mother refuses to believe that I have Aspergers, and I've heard her call it. "the brat disease" when talking about somebody else. I have a cousin that is in all likelihood autistic, and not especially high functioning. She recognizes that, but believes my negative aspie quirks and avoidance of most social interaction as me, "just needing to grow up." I'll be thirty-one in August, for the record. My biggest reason for wanting to get a diagnosis is so she'll maybe understand where I'm coming from a bit, but knowing her my whole life, it isn't likely to change anything. "Oh, they'll diagnose anyone with anything, just to make a buck." I can already hear her say.

My mother is actually the one who suggested to me that I have Asperger's. She works with DD adults. It had never occurred to her before because neither of us had ever heard of Asperger's.

She had been complaining about my father (they got divorced when I was very young) and just stopped mid rant and started crying. I couldn't understand a word of it, but she told me she just realized that I had Asperger's and that she was sorry. Years later and I think I understand a bit of her sadness now. She was sorry for not knowing sooner and all the hell I went through trying to fit in with this NT world.

I got diagnosed as a 28 year old adult female. Very odd. It took no time flat - "yep, you're classic" was what the psychiatrist said. Funnily enough, my being on the spectrum is unbelievable to some friends and family members because they can't wrap their heads around how normal I seem.

Years of self training to copy norms without understanding them is all that is. My dad is probably (I'm about 98% sure) Aspie too, so it doesn't surprise me that at his somewhat advanced age he cannot accept that I am on the spectrum. He tends to perseverate (does anybody else find it amusing that the spell check here isn't programmed with the words Asperger's, Aspie, or perseverate?) on the positive qualities of those with AS and synesthesia (yay, another term the spell check doesn't know) while ignoring the difficulties I have due to the very same conditions. *rolls eyes*

Then again, we don't see each other a lot. Never have.

asnlifecoach:
Of course.

I wasn't confused, just amused, by my circumstances. Although my family members' reactions are annoying it isn't surprising to me. None of them know me, so it makes perfect sense that they dismiss me in this respect.



EDIT, after some thought and much debate:
I shared my story because I'm practicing being more open with my personal life and thoughts. This forum in generally a good place for that. I have fairly decent self-confidence and am generally well-adjusted. Although I understand this will sound highly defensive, and in part it is, I don't need my personal life explained to me at the moment. If I find something confusing, think I may have misunderstood something, or would like help, I will typically state my quandary and ask for assistance or advice outright.

I believe that you intend to help and lend a positive perspective to what might otherwise be interpreted as a negative experience. Regardless, your assumption that I am unable to understand the (not all that nuanced, in my opinion) basics of my own relationship with the closest member of my family is offensive to me in that I feel it perpetuates the assumption that I, or people with brain function like myself, are unlikely to make the logical leap to simply ASK when we don't understand something.

It seems, in this case, as though you are assuming I either a) am not self-aware enough, or lacking in empathy to the extent that I should not have been able, to have questioned and figured it out on my own already, or b) am such a loner due to my alternate way of thinking that I should not think to question in the first place at all.

Typically, I would have simply ignored you and moved on with my life. In this place, in this community built around an attempt and understanding the difficulties and graces of living with a brain that makes daily living a chore, I chose to blow my top instead of simply letting it quietly fester in my memory. Perhaps reading my thoughts will help someone. At least, having been completely honest in my reaction, I have some small peace of mind and might be able to release the experience instead of obsessing over it.

Although I doubt it. lol Not your fault, asn; it is simply the way my mind works, but we shall see.

I apologize, asn, that you should have the misfortune of aiding me in this experiment. I'm sure you're a lovely person who would never seek to offend or harm another.

I did not make any of those assumptions. I was just making a statement and asking if it made sense to you. Perhaps someone else may read it and your response and find something useful in it to them. But as for you, you posted something and I was compelled to write what popped into my head.

That being said, if you ever do need help with something, just let me know.

No need to apologize. That's why we're here! To discuss.

Thank you, and I appreciate your logical response to my very emotional one.

Every little bit helps me to further understand as well. Exactly your point; and thank you for seeing mine so clearly in that awful mess of politics. No small feat, that! lol