anyone wish their wife was dead ?

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I do.

She is hell, u can have a day or an hour of okay'ness then she turns and does a good imitation of her mother. Makes my flesh crawl, makes me wince in pain. Thirty five years of this and getting worse.

I've told her ' u carry s**t blood'.

All night long or whenever we are in she keeps shutting slamming the connecting door, my computer noise or keyboard irritates her.

Twenty years since we fckd, prob ten since we made skin contact.

I cannot discuss anything and she flies off the handle, yet others regard me as talented ...not a dork in any way.

We are stuck till death it seems.

I think the institution of marriage should be banned.




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If you haven't f-cked in 20 years, maybe it's time for a divorce.

If you're wishing her dead, it's definitely time for divorce!

funny thing is, i found myself unconciously walking around the house indeed wishing her dead .... on auto-pilot.

I don't think it's good for your mental (and physical) health to be with her if you feel that way. You can't keep living like that for the rest of your life. I think the only solution is a divorce. Is there any reason that you can't have a divorce?

Try relationship counseling? They will help both of you to understand how things reached this point and what needs to be done to create happiness, whether that means making big changes to your lives or moving on. Either way, this sounds extremely unhealthy. Good luck.

I'm not going to touch this with a ten foot pole.

Ask yourself. Why did I allow this to manifest itself for twenty years?

Are you in a country or family situation where you can't get a divorce? o___0
I mean, normally I wouldn't encourage married people to separate, but she sounds like she has very serious issues to work through before she is ready for a serious relationship...yet she's been able to have one regardless of those issues because you haven't escaped yet. I'd say you both would be better off healing separately right now.

Ever heard if the word divorce?

many times the first words I get from her on a morning is 'fck off' or 'cnt' ...

very like her mother, i said years ago that if u turn into that 'you are out'. Her maternal line is crap, very limited ppl, her gran ended up in a mental hospital fr a while. I met her grandfather once when he was a few months off dieing and I always remember him as cold, nasty, snide, utterly dis-interested in me, I doubt he even glanced.

I try constantly to be nice, civil.

what i don't like is how she turns, a day without nastiness is a long time in this house, she has NO idea how she makes me cringe and shudder. I tell her "Wow where the hell did that come from" ...I tell her openly i am not going to show affection or a more relaxed state as once I have done so she turns on me which is doubly worse. I am civil, light hearted, try to amuse, put forward ideas and possible conversation. All i get back is the same old s**t, its doubly worse as I spent time corresponding with one particular female penpal on and off fr five years and she 'raised' my brain function ie ability to talk and discuss. She hates utterly HATES this computer. A couple oftimes over the years i have made webpals ie friends from abroad (I learn a language) and wow she does her best to fck it up. Same with real-life, a woman, I used to see in the countryside has moved south to a nearby town, I saw her said hello and three minutes of conversation and wow fr 24 hrs a I got it all.... (I was sure they'd get on, they're both fat .. ! !) ... no, wouldn't even acknowledge her, within an hour calling her I dunno, fancywoman, slut, something I picked up ....! !

This bag of s**t is four years older than me, took me in when I was chucked out of digs circa 1976 age 18 (dad died a year earlier and crazy twtfulll 'mother' sold the house and moved south, had utterly no-one. School was hell and so I deliberately build my own world, problem as a child was probably too limited an environment, moved school too many times, by seven I had stopped talking, could not function in the playground, it re-surfaced in the last two years at age 14-15; a town and a library wld have been better for me. Hence self employed fr three decades in my own place which suits me. Also the countryside around here suits me. What bugs me most these last few years is that my garden (a very good one) is the loneliest place on earth for me, I was thinking of hiring someone to be with me, to pretend to be my friend, to stand there. Wife never acknowledges anything I do and I am genuinely talented in many areas.

Its a Bank Holiday in England so i have stacked up work to get me out and then its animal charity stuff at night. I spend a lot of time here at the computer, to seal myself in a bubble. Its also sunshine today so it will be doubly worse, she hates sunshine as because I have told her (took 30 years to work this one out) ... its when all the young thin ppl go out to have fun, enjoy themselves; its my theory and its been proven. I think also with all her relatives now dead we have less or no need to 'keep face' , interacting sort of cemented and bonded us, but without socialisation as a couple things fall apart.

Her few friends have been s**t to me fr 35 yrs, all older to me by 4 years ie ex college chums, all girls, all in many senses 'losers' ....sending B cards but when once or twice a year we are face to face they utterly cut me off, as if I'm empty space, never responding to anything say... therefore I now have little time for them, creepy ...

yes, i suffer from pains and tightness, and I've told her several times over the years that living in a s**t house like this will give one of us cancer, thats the first one that dies get release ... she has no idea how to live, like one move a way from a vegetable. When we first met the incompatability of speed of walk etc was torture to me. Now she hobbles, and shld use a stick, yet i am young looking, bright and still can get on a walk fro 4 hours if I want.

I also believe the body builds up a pernicious charge (perhaps electrical?) and needs to 'earth' or contact with another human. I feel ill with this need to touch another.

whoops .. she's up ....

Why are you still there?

I sounds as if you are both equally tormented by being married to each other.
A divorce sounds like a solution.

when she is herself, ie the woman I married then i do love her, i do like her and we are compatable, her voice is pleasant to me.

BUT .. there are spikes when she appears and sounds as someone else, more like the bleak and limited bloodstock she came from, very redolent of the 'one-industry' villages that peppered the north of this country. I openly now suggest this is a regression she needs to counter, be yourself, not yer mother.

Marriage counselling, perhaps. It could be an eye opener, - to both of you.

These issues are not entirely unfamiliar to me, although I won't profess to having been in a troubled relationship for 20 years.

I have some initial impressions/conclusions, that you may or may not agree with.

You are both stuck, and absolutlly need to resolve serious issue of your relationship, it will either end in disaster or ruin both of your lives, if left unaddressed.

I firmly believe people can change. I know that to be true. I also know that people with these kind of problems may well not change, and will often continue on stubburnly and destructively.

There is life to be lived without the partner one has been with for years, and fear of the unknown can paralise us from making a new start.

You are in an abusive relationship, however, It is entirely possible for people to be both abusers and victims. This does not make any of it more acceptable.

Life's too short. For both of you, it looks very likely to be for the best if you split up.

If you care for each other, despite the abuse, it may well be the case that your relationship improves after seperation, as friends. With so many years shared, it may be the making of a strong and lasting friendship.

You need not abandon each other.

You may be surprised at how once you have started moving on, the pain of the seperation becomes much less dramatic.

If you don't want to seperate, you both need to make profound and tangible changes to your thinking and behaviour, if it is not to be utterly unpleasant.

Victims of spousal abuse may not ask for or deserve it, but they do allow the abuse to continue. Don't be a victim. Being an abuser would be no alternative.

You may just be having a particularly bad time at the moment, but it does seem to have gone too far.

Sincere best wishes.