Anyone 50+?

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I am blessed to have inherited a few acres out in the rural area here in fla.. I dont have to interact in person except with my online friends and the usual passing off as normal stuff on the job..I am happier here,, then I ever was in cali,, still like to earn money though so loking for new career more aspie friendly.

I'll be 50 in just over 2 months. Same as everyone else, my life has had its ups and downs, successes and failures. Was diagnosed a few years ago, and with that, I've pretty much stopped trying to act NT to fit in with society. Since my recent divorce (which has been as big a relief as my diagnosis - as my ex was abusive), I've basically resigned myself to the fact that I'm probably much better off living out the rest of my days alone, being myself and following my special interests to pass the time. That way I won't end up getting hurt again, or hurting anyone else, either.

As several others here have stated, I really like this thread, and it is nice to read / reply with others here that are closer to my own age. Not that I have issues with younger people, mind you. Just that I sometimes feel a bit outnumbered, being older than the majority around here.

I'm a 52 year old AS female. I've had a pretty hard time over the past several years. My husband and I have lost 3 parents over the past 16 months. I just lost my father 2 days ago. And my youngest child is still 10. I'm pretty much in a state of chronic overload and overstimulation from all this. And I've become very perimenopausal in the past 6 months, which has made it much more difficult. My laser like ability to focus intensely (which I consider an asset) has gone away, and I'm in a mental fog much of the time. I've always been pretty clumsy, but much more so lately, and it's very bad now. I'm chronically exhausted as well. I was encouraged by the poster who said it gets better again after this slump in the 50's.

I'm very blessed to have a reasonably supportive husband. My big disappointment has been my inability to make any success of myself as an artist. I tried very hard, but have not managed to get any gallery representation at all. Being a successful artist seems to me to be a very political thing that requires the ability to socialize and network. It sure doesn't help that the economy is in the toilet. I now try to sell my art mainly online. I used to do the art fair circuit, but it is too socially and physically much for me.

i've just turned 50. when we were children, autism was relatively unknown. when i didn't speak til age 2 my adoptive parents thought i might be ret*d. instead i became a whiz kid who was great at tests and skipped two grades in elementary, never without a book. my social skills were highly lacking of course. people were forever telling me i was weird. so just wanting to fit in i started drinking, partying in high school, having sex with random people etc. at 16 i was thrown out of the house and out of school and lived on the streets for awhile. eventually i learned to hook up with men who would protect me and lived that way til mid-30s, when i decided to give up drugs, drinking and try to live on my own. i've had subsistence level jobs and can support myself. it wasn't until 10 or so years ago that i discovered what was 'wrong' with me. i eventually told my mother, with whom i've had little contact, and could tell right away she believed me. i've not been diagnosed but taken numerous tests and read books on the subject and have no doubts anymore. i begin to feel comfortable in my weirdness, especially online where i feel there are many of us. i nalso think i'm having the pre-menopausal symptoms, which is making things more difficult since i work with the public. i can fake it most of the time but mood swings are becoming severe. trying to make myself see a doctor. it's nice to see other older people here. i still worry sometimes that i'll end up back on the streets since i have no family or support system, just my cat, but i'm mostly good at fighting off depression

I'm 56. It was only a couple of years ago that I learned enough about asperger's/autism to understand that I might be on the spectrum. For a long time, all the articles talked about all aspies/auties being talented at STEM which doesn't fit me at all. So that misinformation delayed my coming to grasp that I do have a lot of aspie characterisitics.

I realize now that out of ignorance of my aspie-ness, I spent most of my life attempting things that were impossible for me. I ended up being homeless for a while because my lack of social skills meant both that I couldn't get any traction on a real career and that I lacked a safety net when I fell. Now just trying to let go of all the regrets and if only's and create a manageable life that doesn't force me to pretend I am NT. I just can't fake that any more. All those years of trying to fake it (without really even having any understanding of what I was trying to fake or why) left me burned out and exhausted.

54, married with an adopted teenage daughter. Working a contract job 1500 miles from my family, virtually estranged from them, and the scary part is that I think (no, I KNOW) they prefer this arrangement.

I was diagnosed as AS about 12-13 years ago, and I admit I didn't take it seriously. Any conflicts were someone else's fault. I am ready to change that now, but it's hard to work on the problem with your loved ones so far away.

I can empathize with the OP as well--I was brought up with high expectations, but I think my ambition just petered out after so many years. I have two degrees in music, and I still do some free lance work, but it's painful to get the horn out and realize the gaps between what is, what was, and what could have been.

Now working in IT. It's been a rocky road since 2008, when I got separated from a 13 year career just before a corporate merger. Worked at several jobs, but I haven't yet regained the financial and career stability I once had. Plus, we've accrued a not unsubstantial debt, a lot of it (I think) attributable to psychiatrists and counselors who (for whatever reasons) have only been able to put a Band-Aid on the situation.

I get lonely and depressed. I'm associated with with a good Bible-based church locally, but I've barely let them know what's going on. I hear from my family by email, SMS or phone maybe once a week. I've been back once to see them since late April, but they chose to spend most of their time in a hotel room rather than be under the same roof as me. My daughter is going through a lot of anger in her life right now, much of it focused on me.

Lord, please help me and my family.

If your avatar is an example of your artwork, you might have good luck with artwork sales on "Etsy," but maybe that's already what you are using. Good luck! http://www.etsy.com/browse/art

Yes, etsy is the site I am using now to sell my artwork, of which my avatar is an example. Thanks anyway.

I can very much relate. I've just lost my father, and my husband, who is an only child, lost both parents in the past 16 months. All while trying to raise an 18 and 11 year boys. And, perimenopause has hit big time 6 months ago. It's to where I can barely do the basic daily functions. I'm very much burned out by it all. I'm going to go read that thread on burnout. I also am reading a book on safety for Asperger women.

I find I can sometimes fill my need for socialization with a load of yard/garage sales or a couple of flea markets.

denny
(70+)

I'm 61 on Wednesday. That'll rack up nine years since the self diagnosis sunk in its hook and four bitterly frustrating years since the official diagnosis. Really, if there was a single researcher out there with an inkling of what the barriers for adult autistics looked like, the world would be a better place.

Except that Martin didn't know he was actually getting into a "gun" fight when it seemed he thought he'd be instigating a quick fist fight, with a quick finish.
But it turned out Zimmerman "was" legally armed and legally followed Martin (ignoring the dispatcher was not illegal). This was Martin's mistake. He did not wait for Zimmerman to attack him, but instead took the offensive position, a common "street" action. And he paid for it.

When I lived in Chicago the common "intelligence" said that if you were upset it wasn't wise to antagonize strangers because
you never knew what they might be carrying. This was 30 years ago and even more important to remember now, I understand.
A lesson Martin never learned.

I'll have to pass on the Martin-Zimmerman issue; wasn't there to judge the action, and would be scared to buy a used car from the one left standing. Anyway, back to topic.

58 rolled by pretty quickly this year, which was good by recent standards. I'm lucky to have found an occupation that dovetailed with my engineering interests, and am pretty much on the top rungs of my profession. Although I overspend it, I'll likely die with enough money to have lived reasonably well. I got the good word on being an Aspie, though definitely a mild case, about three years ago after a long relationship breakup spilled over into my company's HR office. I was sent off to clinically face my demons, though I had been knowingly playing poker with them forever.

For me, work and home are two different things. Work is regimented, people in an office generally have to conform to certain behavioral norms, and being the nice guy that I am, get along famously there. I'm considered an authority in my field, and don't have to deal with bucketloads of office politics. That said, I have also learned in prior jobs to keep the after-hours contact with my work colleagues down to a minimum. I am fortunate to not have a reputation of being "different" on the job, as I have accumulated any number of tricks over the years to overcome what used to be a fear of simply even making simple phone calls.

What is less gratifying is what happens when I leave for home. Like Pompei, I hit the gym and force myself out of the house a few days a week, because I know the consequences of not doing so. I've sorted out a few friendly safe house bars in the area, where I know a few people by name and can always find something on TV. I picked up a working knowledge of every sport outside of WWE to always have a few words to say if asked.

Relationships for me are bad news, and it's mostly because I'm pretty awful at anything that resembles small talk and forced social encounters with anyone I don't know. I just can't manufacture a conversation from nothing, and if the topic isn't in my narrow band of interests, I just go blank. In a roomful of people, I'm the one making the continual trip to the ice water pitcher, or checking for fake text messages in the hall. In private conversation, things can get just as bad, and there's nowhere to run. It's not being "shy", either. Shy people, if I have this right, have something to say, but are afraid to speak. I don't even have the words to have the fear of expression.

I have a few decent friends, but almost all of them are from past travels and live at a distance. I've had a few female friends over the years, and that took a long time to get that part of life underway, but those buds have been mostly ADHD types. At first it seems perfect, someone doing the talking and the other (me) mostly listening with a few supporting questions or comments. That eventually and predictably goes south pretty quickly, and girl friends never seem to become girlfriends. It's my problem in this regard. I don't have any sense of romance, and my personal conversations are pretty lame and boring by most adult standards.

Over the years, I've probably accumulated enough knowledge to have the social awareness of a 20-something (channeling Pompei's 60 going on 30 quote). I wish I were 25 again and able to apply what I know going forward, even if it's learned rather than natural behavior. Maybe I would have gotten a family out of the deal. But that won't happen, and maybe I'm just destined to ride off into the sunset as the Quiet Guy.

In retrospect, if I were offered less accomplishment for no AS, would it be worthwhile? I dunno, is there a life somewhere between being simultaneously happy and lonely, or supporting a family of six on $25K a year? I took the former path because it was the only one that seemed to have some pavement on it.

Going forward is still a mystery for me. The good thing about living in the present is that I better understand why I do what I do. The bad thing is that I hide as much odd stuff away as possible,'cause going the Free Range Aspie route is going to turn Mr. Lonely into Mr. Loner, and that's not where I want to end up in my dotage. Like most others have said here, coming out is something that most are going to view as some sort of excuse, cop out, or attention grabber, as decades of adjustments to a 'normal' world have made me appear relatively normal as well.

It's frustrating never quite being oneself, and the Dr. Phils and Oprahs of this world would go bonkers (and broke), but maybe 60% of a great life is not such a bad goal. That doesn't exactly square with Riverbird's eloquent post on being a little more open on this stuff, but since there's no magic pill out there at present....

Sorry for the long rant, but don't get to post much on WP, or any personal stuff for that matter, and probably would not do either if this were, say, 1980, so thanks for listening.

I am 50+ and I know that I have NLD. Life has been very difficult for me and in some ways I thought that this made me special and having the diagnosis has taken the specialness away from me. I realized that I had NLD about 6 years ago when my son was diagnosed with it. It helped me to understand why I had difficulty in social situations but knowing why has not helped me to deal with life any better, it only made me feel less capable. I have two grown children and I was a very good parent to them as they grew up but now I feel so inadequate. I have periods of time when I just have to be left alone and I can't help it. I just feel stressed out and tired and I wish that I could enjoy my life more tham I do.

I am 56. I was originally diagnosed as autistic in the early 60's, but tried to live as a "normal" person most of my life. I remember vaguely special education in the 1st and possibly 2nd grade, then in a Group Home setting in the early 70s during my high school years (14 to 18, including my 1st semester in college). However, I wasn't finally diagnosed with Asperger's until I was 51, after losing my last full-time job and needing help from my religious community. SSI / Social Security disability income (because of my childhood diagnosis) and some part-time work have sustained me these last five years.

Oh yay! I finally found the over 50 group!

Nice to be amongst folks who have a lot of the same personality traits AND are in roughly the same age group.

I'm 57. Was only recently unofficially diagnosed with AS. It was such a relief to me, as it explained so many of my behaviors that I (and others) had always thought were weird. My biggest thing has always been that dealing with other people exhausts me.

All my life, others have not understood when I say I'm exhausted when I get home from work every day. Their response is "you work in an office! How can you be exhausted?" Right! If I worked in a lighthouse or a fire tower or some other place I could go and be totally alone, I'd come home with plenty of energy left over.

Once I've been working somewhere awhile, and I get to know my coworkers very well, over time I will have adopted specific means of interacting with each one that allows me to do so without being constantly on edge. Unfortunately, my job does require some contact with the public, and sometimes those contacts can be mildly adversarial (they want something from my organization and my organization is not able to provide what they're asking). Probably the worst thing of all for me to deal with, however, is employee turnover - when someone I've adapted to LEAVES and someone new comes in. There's always an adjustment period, usually during which the new person thinks I'm a stuck-up, arrogant freak.