I do not know how to find help for my situation.
I am asperger, but prefer to say mildly autistic.
But in my life is something strange, it have been tragedy after tragedy all the time getting worse and worse.
First I was thinking it is all caused by my autism, but I am starting to notice not all autistic or asperger people have such life.
Then I was thinking it is maybe because I am some other way different too, so I end up in so extreme situations.
But now I am very shocked starting to realize that a reason could be I propably have narcissistic or psychopath near people who have manipulated and controlled me mentally all my life. It have been too hard to open my eyes for this because they have played with me so subtle mind game keeping me in fear and are involved with all areas of my life and ALL social relations...and I am in a way dependent on them.
I mean basically everyone who knows me knows them too and they can manipulate everyone who knows me and then they tell me:
"I feel pity for you, you try to talk to people, you will not get from them understanding you miss."
Now I got very sick. I did not get any help for my condition from anywhere, but spent over a year sick in the house. Almost the only person I talked to in the phone all this time was one person whom I now suspect being psychopath type of person. This sickness effected my body and head, so a bit my mind too. I have not had mental problems before because I have had quite hard head (even I am otherwise very sensitive person) even I have been mentally manipulated by many people. (I am a bit naive even if intelligent. And I am very very sensitive for words. I easily believe the words that is told me and the words I hear feel like they go even into my bones. I almost become those words I hear I feel. I take them very seriously and often literally. Soo, I think this might have been the reason some psychopath type of people might enjoy to manipulate me, because they can really see the effect and their power when they throw their words on me or give me silence treatment.
Now the situation is so that my head is starting to break very worrying way and am getting destroyed all person, so as my last hope I am trying to open my eyes to save my head...
I have at the moment also other neurological symptoms, not only asperger, that effect to nerves in my body too so on, I have not been at specialist about it, because it is too hard in this situation to go to the doctor, and the people around me are driving me mad. If it is not too late, I try to save myself by minimizing hearing their words...
Also the only people that can help me to go to the doctor that is far are these people who I now after decades suspect being psychopath or narcissist, and then ofcourse if I recieve help from them, I have to be submissive towards them and also doctors will propably listen them more than autistic me...so difficult to get help.
05 Aug 2013, 6:20 am
