Stress at Christmas

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How many people out there find the festive season particularly stressful and have an aversion to it ( and birthdays too). My Birthday is near Christmas so this is a very tricky time for me.

I find the holiday season very difficult, in my case because I'm affected by unwanted obsessions. Around Christmas time and New Year's eve, these obsessions are particularly bothersome because I find it much harder to allow them to be in my head, feeling that they might "spoil" or "desecrate" the moment.

Also, it seems like there is some prescribed way that one is supposed to feel around those days, and I can't stand that very well. Plus, I always find it a bit ridiculous that unknown people (for example, shop assistants or neighbours that we see twice a year) start to wish you Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. As if they would really care...

Sorry for my slightly cynical tone here. But to answer you: Yes, I feel the same thing.

If somebody said lets make an event that is as uncomfortable and stressful for people on the spectrum as possible they would have invented the holiday season. Every sensory over stimulation ingredient possible Noise, lights and lots of people, many of whom you do not see often.

Here is a Christmas poem I wrote.

That time of year
You hit the shops like a frenzied shark
Empty wishes of fortune and kindness metered out to all those poor bastards who will listen
Single minded determination drives you on this quest.

Like a shining knight of old you vision yourself
Proud and strong here to conquer
Evil lists, sales staff and discount price tags your foe
You drag your carcass mile after mile
Neon lit excesses and greed reach out to your wallet
Sucking you dry.

With every mindless purchase you stagger on.
Hour after hour
You fight the hordes.
The great unwashed they stand in your way
Sent by the greatest demon to hinder your quest
Civility only just …. Passes your cracked and dry lips

Then finally your quest is complete
Or is it?
You wrack your mush like brain
Whom have you forgotten?
Your ego screams yes!
There is some demented poor soul you have overlooked
Your logical mind is crushed
Defeated
It retreats to the sound of deck the halls.

The harlots of neon and add-on sales have won.
You have purged your wallet
Sold your soul
The demon dollar laughs all the way to the bank
Merry Christmas!

Christmas, stress, well let's see.

Trying to find the right present, trying to find a decent card in English, driving over a hundred miles to have Christmas lunch with my girlfriend's ex-boss (who I've never met), getting lost and being unable to find the place until I got out of the car and walked around, a Christmas meal that was served cold and didn't contain much stuff that I liked, trying hard to maintain a decent conversation and failing then, after all that, having to drive over a hundred miles back home.

As you can tell I'm not a fan of Christmas. I might go Jewish this year, they have the right idea.

I concentrate on making good food.

I enjoy cooking and seeing people take pleasure in food that I made.

I try to buy stuff online when I have to. To be honest, my wife does most of that.

The part where people come over can be stressful, but I usually dodge that a bit by focusing on the food. Good food puts people in a good mood and it's easier to have pleasant exchanges with them when they have just had a really satisfying meal and a glass of wine.

Then I keep a camera handy, because it makes a good intermediary between me and guests--and provides an excuse for moving on to something else--sorry, not leaving this awkward conversation--just have to go take photos of the nephew, etc.

Kind of a cop-out, I guess, but it works well enough.

Every year I say I don't want to do Xmas, and then somehow I find myself sucked into it. I used to like it as a kid, but as an adult it's horrid.

Also, my father died on xmas day back in 2002.

The thing that really rubs me up the wrong way is the expectation from everyone else that xmas was great; "Did you have a good Christmas?" with a big dumb expectant smile. Sometimes I force myself to say "It was OK", when what I really want to say is "no, it was f##king horrible and I'm glad it's all over, so just shut up about it, OK?!"

Lol - "Bah Humbug!", I do like roast diner though.

As I have gotten older, I have begun to despise Christmas time more and more, and it's a combination of things that makes me despise it. Maybe when I have grandkids that will change, but for now I just cringe as Christmas nears.

First and foremost: it seems to get earlier every year. I really do hate when people start putting up decorations and advertisements for Christmas out before Halloween. It's like Halloween and Thanksgiving don't exist. I know, I know, those two holidays aren't appealing commercially. I mean who tries to kill each other over a costume or a turkey, right?

Second - the expectations of gifts. I go absofrickenlutely nuts trying to find "perfect gifts", so much so that I literally just shut down and want to hide until the day after Christmas. I suck so bad at gift-giving that it depresses me and gives me an anxiety attack. Seriously. My wife loves it, and I feel so bad that I am a horrible shopper because I have no idea what to give people, and it's only made worse when someone says, "well, we've been together <enter time here>. You should know what I want." Ugh! On the flipside, I'm hard as hell to shop for because I have limited things I like and the majority of them are expensive, and for whatever reason some people feel compelled to give/receive multiple gifts. Want to give me a gift? I'll give you your choices; clothes (that you ask me what kinds/types I want), video games (if it's M-rated and I can kill people and/or is part of the horror genre and/or it has some form of adventure with human-like characters, that'll probably work, but don't pay more than $40 for it - I'm ok with used games), a gift card to Lowe's or Home Depot, a restaurant I like, or a money card if you don't want to do cash, or I'm fine with you beating the hell out of the rude people in the department stores.

Which brings me to my the third thing I despise - holiday shoppers. Oh my God I could go on here forever. You are not the only people in the store! Don't bang me with your cart and not say "excuse me", or sit in the middle of the aisle gabbing with your neighbor for what seems to be an hour while the rest of us need something you're in the way of, or let your snot-nosed, cracker-eating, sippycup-drinking, hyperventilating-crier of an offspring run around the store like an idiot while you ignore him/her leaving the rest of us to dodge the little brat, or let said offspring scream at the top of his/her lungs subjecting everyone within 3 zip codes to "MAAAAMAAAA! WAAAAAAH!" Or just as annoying, the as*holes who can't drive or park in the parking lot. Fighting over a parking spot? Seriously? Find a different spot! Or those idiots where one person is sitting in an idling car in front of the store....for 30 minutes. Or the people who seem to think a full parking lot is a good time to find out how quickly their car can go from 0-100 because, well, they're in a hurry or something. Thank God for online shopping!

Last but not least....it's "Merry Christmas", not "Happy Holidays". I mean, thanks for wishing me a Happy Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, St. Patrick's Day, etc. I'm touched, I really am, but it's Christmas time. Here's a conversation I had a few times when I was still married to my ex-wife: "Happy Holidays!" "Huh? Happy Holidays"? "Oh, I don't want to offend non-Christians and say 'Merry Christmas', so I say 'Happy Holidays'". "Oh, well, I am agnostic, but I still say 'Merry Christmas' because, after all, December 25th is 'Christmas', not 'Holidays'". "Well, I understand that, but some people are offended by 'Merry Christmas'". "Well too damn bad! I'm offended because they're offended, and I think it's pretty ridiculous that if people are here taking part of the gross over-commercialization of a holiday and 'Christmas shopping', they would be offended by saying, 'Merry Christmas', don't you?" Usually my ex-wife would've been steaming at me by that point.

I like Thanksgiving. No gifts or trees or such.

It is all the expectations attached to Christmas that wear me down. I wish Christmas was more like Thanksgiving.