How do you deal with existential dread?

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High school was hard for me, because I was thrust into it just as I was getting the hang of middle school, but unlike middle school, I never truly got the hang of high school. I purposefully took classes below my level just because I knew I could pass them, as I figured I would just upgrade later on, but now I regret making that decision. Between that, and the rapidly soaring social expectations which lead to my eventual ostracization, I too felt like an outsider, ill-prepared for the outside world compared to everyone else. Moving to a different town, and having to deal with my stepmother's family only made it worse.

A good set of headphones or earbuds can indeed block out annoying sounds, especially when you blare some nice, angry music. I don't know where the f**k I'd be if it weren't for bands like Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, KoRn... It does double duty by drowning out background noise AND providing a cathartic release. I owe my life to people like Kurt Cobain and Trent Reznor, as I would surely be driven to insanity without them.

I remember when I was 17, going on 18 in my first year of grade 12, I was extremely disheartened about the idea of becoming an adult. I wasn't ready to face the expectations of the adult world, and I was only starting to "get" how to be a teenager. It all came too soon, and the absolute only thing I liked about turning 18 was being able to purchase alcohol.

A lot of people tell me I'm an intelligent person, and while I believe it to a degree, I also think people give me far too much credit. My intelligence is above average at best, and I am lacking in matters of common sense. I am gifted in a few ways, but disadvantaged in many.

I hope things go better for me as well. Reality bites, and I often wish I could take the blue pill, but I am stuck in a red pill situation.

Dax, it sounds like you need a timeout. I had a couple of years like that too and felt, that I moved towards the end in fast pace, along with everything else - but at last, I handeled the crisis and found energy to look ahead...and the time got "longer" again.
As a younger person, I wasted years just like mr Bigmouth describes, - even in my thirties!
There is only one way.....try to look ahead and only examine the past, if something bothering comes up and has to be dealt with, - and it does at times.

Yeah. I have had something of a timeout from some of the issues that were due to where I was living. I actually moved to a different city to get some down time for those issues. All the other crises stemmed from internal angst and pain from how I was treated by my family. Unfortunately that stuff tends to stick with you no matter where you are until you find a way to resolve the problem or accept that it will never be resolved.

Moving away from the city where I had so much difficulty gave me some breathing room to deal with the other stuff without the "city" stuff cluttering up my head. I am now looking at how the issues in that "city" (which in all fairness to me is notorious for being extremely harsh on many levels) may be handled better in the future. I have many supportive friends there I miss. I just don't know if I can handle the harshness of that city. There is also something there that gives me hives! lol.

I don't need to decide about whether to go back or not right now since I still have five more months on my lease where I am now. I do plan to take a vacation to the "city" in November to visit friends and reassess the possibility of living there again. Right now I am diligently practicing my skills so that no matter where I go I will be able to function much better.

^ this is so succinct and spot on. i lost someone important to me unexpectedly and it had the same effect on me after i got done falling apart.

I go to sleep or wake up thinking to my self "Holy $#!T I am going to die!". I assume that is what you mean by "Existential Dread".

I am 62, and I have had this "Existential Dread" for a number of years. Why?

I spent my early years just trying to fit in, and not knowing why I didn't fit in. Eventually I just wanted to "Get through it" knowing it will get better, because I can figure it out. I never did.

I was always out of step with people my age. I finished high school at 13, got my first college degrees at 17 and since school was the only safe place I knew, I didn't quit school until I was 35 or so.

Before I knew it I was an adult, with no friends, no family who I really wanted to speak to, and no accomplishments. I had no real job skills. My peers had 10 years more experience. They had kids. They had houses while I could still pack all my possessions in the back seat and trunk of my car.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's after one of my melt downs. It was in public, and it wasn't pretty. It did have a profound affect on my life. I found out why I am the way I am. I found out I was not alone with this thing. I had to rethink everything I have done, and what I can expect in the future. That had to wait, because there were always more interesting things to do and think about. Plenty of time to figure out the future.

I am loosing friends and people I know, because they are dieing. Cancer and heart problems seem to take more and more of them. Old age hasn't taken many, but that will come. Once they are gone, it is as if they never existed. I know I knew them, but I don't feel anything but annoyance, because they aren't here now and I cant talk to them.

I am not religious, so I don't think there is an afterlife. Nobody has come up with a convincing argument for one. I think people believe in an afterlife, because they like us have no idea why they are here and are scared spitless of death. So to keep from freaking out as we approach our own mortality, afterlife seems like a pretty good idea.

Most of the time I am wrapped up in what ever interesting thing I am working on, until I run out of energy and lie in bed staring at the ceiling, I wonder what it will be like to not exist.

Turned 57 last weekend. My upcoming elderly years is my existential dread these days. Still home. Parents will be gone sooner then later. I can see myself out in the street denied disability, with congestive heart failure, cancer arthritis etc etc. I really don't have the money to be engaging with the health system like I should.

I always figured I might be hit by car tomorrow, the worst will happen etc. But when that repeatedly did not happen and I found ways to avoid the worst what I feared that eased the dread a lot. The expression I used to snicker at "It will turn out all right in the end" really came true. I find it hard to think of a how I will avoid the combination of aging, and how the economy, social structures are particularly aspie-unfriendly these days.

While the not so distant future looks dim right now in some ways my life has a never been better. By finding out who I really was last year I have found this place and support groups. Aspergers-Autism what ever you want to call it is not a bunch of diagnostic criteria on a piece of paper to us because we have lived it for decades. I do feel a responsibility to pass on what I can to the younger members. And I have noticed a lot of them look up to us because we have lived it with no recognition and support and are still here. After supporting me my parents need help from me it it's great to give it.

But of course despite all the experience there are plenty of times we don't have the answers and need help too. That is why this section is the best on this sight.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 26 Sep 2014, 12:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

^ off topic - sort of - but a late happy birthday to you.

Well, Thank you

Based on the title, I thought this was going to be about existential anxiety. That's much more of an issue for me.

I think about dying quite often, but it doesn't scare me as much as the thought of growing old.
I suppose if I do make it to be a senior citizen I'll feel ancient, as I have a rather warped sense of time.
I swear each year feels like at least two. I only graduated high school 7 years ago, and I feel like it's been at least twice as long.

The thought of ceasing to exist scares me no end, there will be so much that I miss out on, the one thought that gives me comfort is that I highly suspect I will not be aware of my lack at the time and this thought/mantra seems to make me feel better. I am more scared of the process of dying and the dreadful anticipation this entails than the thought of actually being dead, I just hope I go quick, and until then will proceed to live from obsession to obsession.

Try thinking of it this way. We have all experienced non-existence already, before we were born, and it is most likely that our non-existence after we die will be experienced in the same way. What is it that you are frightened of exactly?

I'm frightened of the inertia of death, the lack of consciousness of death.

Are you in control of yourself once you die?

I think Cynemun has it right. You will have all the same control issues you had before you were conceived... so there is nothing to worry about.

We can't really know what we experience or if we experience, is it permanent nothing or do we transition? So it is the ultimate combination of change with uncertainty

I'm not afraid of being dead nor of dying really (although I've seen it and it's ugly). I'm afraid of having wasted a whole life.

I'm like Michael Caine in Interstellar basically, when he says he's not afraid of death, but he's afraid of time.

Time is Life topic
The keyword there is TIME.
The dead do not check the clock. Time is precious, the older a person gets, as least from my viewpoint. I noticed as I was reading the posts there is no input from those who frequent the Dino Aspie Cafe, ex or otherwise. So I thought, as an older person who does not frequent that space, I would comment here.
I understand humans fear the unknown, yet take comfort in knowing now that when you are deceased you will not know. It is others who will notice your absence, and who will remember. Leave something you value behind before you depart (whenever that is, and at this point is uncertain). In this way, part of you will live on. At this point in history, and until our essences can be stored on the Internet, this is the way in which we can best be remembered.
I hope this post helps somewhat.