Strange living situation

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Hi

I am putting this in the adults only section because I need to talk to people who have gotten out in the world and have life experience, this is one of the first situations I've been in that is a test of my maturity.

About 2 months I made friends with a girl who I, at first, thought was very pretty and interesting, she came up to me and sat by me in class, and we started hanging out. I started to develop a crush on her but we didn't get anything going. It's really hard to tell what she thinks of me, sometimes I feel as if she really likes me, sometimes I feel as I am annoying her and she likes someone else.

When I first met her I thought she was pretty well adjusted and very social. But the more I got to know her, I found out she is a mess, and she does let me see her at her worst - she is a bit depressed (I'd find her life unbearable) and really surprisingly she seems to have some AS traits. In early December she said she is getting kicked out of her house (because her housemates don't like her, basically) and I don't know how many other people she asked, but I'm the only one who said yes and next thing I know, we have all of her stuff in my room. In case it matters, I have a job and pay all of my own bills. I'm living independently, and not doing too bad at it. I'm 21 and she is 19.

It's not like we're a couple at all so I guess it is just a roommate thing, but I'm not gonna lie, I really do like her. I feel as if we have serious long term potential. I don't know if she is dreading my company, or if this is her way of throwing herself at me, she is very difficult to figure out. A thing is though is that we're both not at the house for a while, she'll be back after New Year's but I'm traveling and won't be back for about a month. So she'll be there for a while without me. She has said it might be temporary but once we got all her stuff in (I went away that night) she was acting really comfortable, she really likes my room and we talked about all of the things we could do.

I hate to overthink things, usually I am very decisive (even impulsive) but this is a test. I see her faults, I'm trying to be sympathetic. I know I can get through it but does anyone who has been in some situation similar to this have any advice? If anything I feel sorry for her, she has a sh***y life and I could be her way out of it. Should I try to get something going or should I just lay low and hope she moves out? I'll be good either way, I can certainly see the advantages to both.

Thanks in advance!

The reality is most folks, even NTs, have their issues, once you get to know them.

Hopefully, as a couple, one can compensate adequately for the issues of the other--hopefully the two of you will earn enough money to run a household and one can be the responsible one who pays the bills on the time.

A little depression and some issues with executive function would not be an issue for me. I've dealt with OCD and anxiety. In fact, one of sacrifices commonly made for couples to stay together one has anxiety disorder is to take anti-anxiety meds that severely curtail their sex life. Common side effect of Prozac.

I think that if you want a relationship, and don't have a read on the person you should consider being clear about your feelings, and ask her to be straight with you about her feelings. If things are mutual then great, if not at least things are clear, If you are fine with her being your roommate either way make sure to make that clear. I would highly recommend expressing a need for clarity for both of your sakes.

I'm only 29 so technically underage for the forum but only just...

I've never found things too awkward after telling someone I'm interested in them and getting rejected. More awkward when they like me back and it goes wrong later! If you live with her and don't bring it out in the open that will be a lot worse.

You're gonna hate me for saying this: you should have talked this through before she moved in.
Now that it's done, I would recommend thinking through what can go wrong, and try to come up with plans in case it does.

The most important one that comes to mind is: What happens if you guys get together and it doesn't work out for whatever reason? Where else could she go? i.e. is it possible for you to kick her out without effectively making her homeless? Is there anyone else she can stay with? Or does she have enough cash to stay or in a hotel or something for a while if worst comes to worst?

Some other things to consider:
- is she (planning to) pay her share of the rent/bills? Why/why not?
- in case you don't get together, does your place offer enough privacy for one or both of you to be seeing someone else? i.e. is it actually possible for you 2 to just be regular roommates each doing their own thing?

You are both inexperienced and having to experiment. Just try to avoid particularly consequential mistakes. Very often, people will see things in you that are really projections from others who have made strong impressions on them, so life can get a bit surreal. If you think that something goes without saying, it is very often a good idea to say it, just to check. Sometimes, roommates can be like brother and sister, helping each other sort out their romances.

A huge amount depends on two lottery tickets - the amount that each of you smells like the other's mother. The less the resemblance, the greater the sexual attraction in your brain stems. The one with less attraction has the power in a relationship.