Undiagnosed Aspies, autistics and borderline characters

Post Reply New Topic

Couldn't agree more. We've all, in some form or fashion, come up with coping skills. Some aren't all that harmful and some may still be. Personal inventory, lookin back and seeing why we did what we did. I think that may be a value to help others, the mirror we can show others, young or old. If you preach, you're going to fail, if you do it in, this is what I did, they might just look and see something in themselves and do it the only way that will really work for them. And that is, do it yourself. I mean if I went into a relationship thinking I could change a bad trait in someone, so I was more comfortable, I found the answer to be rather a shocker. How many times did I go down that road? Don't ask.

You know, I'm so happy to finally be able to understand myself at the ripe old age of 38. Thanks, postpaleo for helping me understand something else. Guess what I've always believed and told people....that I get along better with men than with women...that I prefer the company of men over women. I thought this was because I just didn't have things in common with most women, such as joyfully wandering around the mall and getting nails done and talking about whether or not size matters and the latest "toy" they have invested in....that's all part of it...but I overlooked the sex factor. I can deduce from my my life experiences and relationships that I am attractive, and I don't even like typing those words because I only see my flaws, but it's relevant. Being pretty does two things: repels most women, especially the ones I find interesting, and attracts most men, especially the ones who want to suck out your soul. OK now I forgot where I was going with this...anyway, thanks for your response.

Sorry, I would have included this in my previous post if I had been more patient and read through the entire thread first. Just wanted to mention that when I was 7 I collected a massive amount of shark teeth and other fossils and announced to my parents that I would be a Paleontologist when I grew up. Of course, they made every adult they knew ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, because they thought it was so hillarious that most of the adults didn't even know what a Paleontologist was. Then it was a toss-up between Paleontology and Archaeology. I didn't study either in college, though. I signed up for one Archaeology class and discovered on the 1st day that I'd elected to take an advanced course by accident and the professor told me to leave. I ended up studying Fine Art.

I prefer men because they're not as competitive as other women. I mean, I'm not that attractive and I don't preen in public. So, I shouldn't be too threatening but I guess most NT women are wired to be suspicious and jealous of other women regardless.
It is disappointing when you're having a great indepth conversation with a guy that just dies once he finds out you're married. It feels like a set up.

I've always gotten along better with men too. Even back in kindergarten my best friends were boys. These days I have a whole slew of male friends at work who come up and talk to me constantly. I think its because we have a lot more in common and they find it cool there is a woman interested in rock hounding, fishing, sci fi, space exploration and that sort of thing. Women I don't relate to because I don't want what most of them want. Women are so highly competitive with each other it seems. I've had guys tell me I am easier to talk to than most women. I invariably end up with probable Aspie guys approach me at work whom I don't like bugging me because they can't hold conversations they just want to say "hi, how are you?" 5 times a day. Or they can only talk about their one obsession which is sports and that I'm not interested in much. But overall I tend to have more men friends or acquaintainces than women.

Ticker, yes I agree...I think we can narrow it down to at least those 2 things: we have more in common with men, and women are too competitive. That is a wall I hit first with women.

Funny you mentioned rockhounding, because just a couple of weeks ago I was trying to find someone to go to a site with me. I don't need to be with people, but when I'm going someplace I've never been, it's sometimes nice to have a "buddy" (body?) along. So I asked a couple of co-worker "friends" if they were interested. Of course they weren't. Was I hoping for a surprise? I suppose I'll have to just suck it up and go by myself sometime, and then maybe I'll meet someone to buddy with who will dig with me. My husband can't do it because he has a back injury, plus he isn't the slightest bit interested in rocks. Somebody needs to keep the kids, anyway, because I'm not watching out for children if I'm going to dig in some remote place. I want to be able to hyper focus on what I'm doing, because it's going to be all about ME.

Fellow rock hound,spent most of my childhood looking for "sparklies" and fossils.MN is a great state for agates.Love the textures and colors and learning about what is is "made of".In the same boat with a boyfriend with physical limitations and NO interest.
I am also afraid of driving and being in isolated areas alone(as a female),i carry mace but it's the fear of the fear that keeps me home....I have been attacked,so it isnt paranoia.....and it is so easy to get lost while hunting and not hear an approaching person.




I wish we lived in the same state...I would rock hound with you.Have you tried to find a local "group"?My shyness keeps me from this but I know not all aspies are as people shy as me.

Exactly.



Me too. I have located groups on the internet but have not contacted any. Same here with shyness, although the anxiety that goes with that (my social anxiety) is helped greatly by medication. So while most of the anxiety is gone, I'm left with indifference and little interest in wasting time. (Oh cool, I just figured out why I hate small talk).

I joined a rockhounding group several years back. Funny thing it was ALL old people except for one 12 year old and me. It didn't work out because the group spent most of its time bickering over finances and that most of the members only showed up once a year for the free catered Christmas dinner. Well all that bickering turned me off. It also goes back to what others have mentioned about women being hard to get along with. The men in the rockhound group kept quiet and the old women were the ones fussing and complaining. I work the night of the month they have meetings so I can't even go now to see if things are still the same.

When I first came to WP I was really savage about myself. I tore big hunks of myself out with ravining teeth and flung it upon the page daring others to look at my vicera and dispair. I became real downer, too. and killed alot of threads until people just ignored me. I would have stopped and moved on but for the Apergian Elder Council and getting to know Post Paleo and Wilson and Triste(did I spell it right?) and Herne and Werbert and when it petered out, to come back to the Cafe and continue on. It tamed me a lot, because others had been outrageous sluts in their youth, and it was because you got undivided attention until it was done, then pfffft. . they were gone, but then there was the next one, and they all became the same, like hitchhiking, and it really didn't matter because sex ment nothing anyway.
nothing.
I am really tired and going to bed, after reading down to the end of this thread that I missed bacause it happened all when I was at work, and when I got home it was all over.

Poor Scotty. ., . James Doohan had his ashes shot into space and it didn't go into orbit and fell back into the New Mexico ( I can hear Postie snarl it now) Mountians. . .


Merle

You're still a savage and outrageous. you only got one up on me becasue you can spell. Remind me to tell you about the mountian in White Sands missle range. The door in it took up about one thrid of the mountian side, we talkin big mountian. And then one day after looking at it for months of nothing happening, it opened....Lol, that's called baiting now she's got to catch me. Wanna come play you ol troll? She also knows I'm not lying. Oh what a nasty troll I am. Ok enough baiting.

Rocks, lol. I'm almost 100% sure dad was an aspie. Rocks were one obsession for him. I didn't much give a damn about them, then. But being a kid you don't have the choice to go follow your own sparklies all the time. So I learned, like it or not, at least it wasn't in some damn classroom, and learn I did. The info was there, so when I went in another direction, I had a different point of view. The archaeology books gave all the right answers, for the time, but didn't give me the questions. Just what wasn't known, where were the questions. So I had to make my own. When I figured out the basics of how to find sites, there were atrifacts and guess what, they were made of stone. Now the obsession of my fathers became mine, only it had been combined. This obsession broke down the barriers of my shyness, after all the answers weren't in the books. I hadn't written it yet. But I never heasitated to call the authors of the books, much to my wifes embarressment. When on the pro trail they brought the artifacts to me first, I didn't need books to look them up, they were all in my head. Yeah I know rocks in my head, get over it.

Like archaeology? Like rocks? No one has done the thin slices of them at the sources. Finding an artifact made of a chert that can look like other sources, is guessing, and that's the way 99.99% of it is done, guessing. It hasn't been done. It is a question. Don't like Archaeology but like rocks and have never done thin slices and documented them under a microscope. Learn how. You will find many willing to gather them so you can enjoy the rocks in your own home. Where there is a will, there is a way. No degree required. Validate yourself, no ones going to do it for you. Feel good about what you can do, it's easy to build the walls not to do something. Obsessions know no genders.

God, you should see me on a chert source, can you imagine walking on meters thick of undocumented rocks? It would be a lifes work on just one place. My wife, even though an Archaeologist herself, sat in the car and read while I gleefuly pranced and danced from one sparkily to another. She put up with the second wife of mine very well. But yeah, it took an anthropologist to live with me for so long. She was good compnay then and now and I do know that's it's much nicer to do it with a freind.

It's always amazing what one obsession will lead to. Once in a while I even get to steer. Humm, thin slices of chert, might have to learn about ancient sea creatures, that might be fun too. Fresh eyes are always welcome. I can see it now. Calling: Francie Fames College in Bum Screwy State,..... Hello this is Professer Rocks they answer, Yes, this is I and I was just wondering if you had any questions. Laugh? That's the way I did it. Only I found going in person a little less confusing. And I was free, an offer they couldn't refuse.

She didn't take it, but you got me, dammit. I've been trying not to ask for what, 4 days, and I can't stand it anymore. I want to know about the door.

OMGosh, that is SO annoying -- about the most annoying thing I can think of is perpetually being around a success freak, who just can't get why you're not one too! I've been through this with my older brother.

Thanks, Ragtime. It is bloody ANNOYING ! !! I'll never understand how some people can knock on a door, have it swing open, and someone say 'oh, how about a boatload of money for you?' I've worked hard, been loyal to the company, and all that, and still get shown the curb...

I am only recently diagnosed and im 34 , the thing is i never for one moment suspected i had aspergers . Sure I had trouble with social things all my life , but I quit socialising many moons ago , yes I had boyfreinds , but they are pretty easy to get even if you have not much going for you , you just have to be available , that was much easier when I was younger , not a teenager but in my 20s ,

I didnt know I was an aspie then so I just assumed it was because I was ugly and boring , that was why I didn't get chased by guys like other girls did and for a while I didnt really care because all the guys I saw were idiots and I really didn't care to spend my time with them , but then I got a little older and got tired of always being a loner so I went out , gritted my teeth and ended up with the first loner who asked me , it was always like that and it never lasted long because I never understood what made guys like girls , aside from the stuff that I couldnt change or that I wouldnt change ,

I had no interest in dressing up or makeup or clubbing . The other problem was that I wanted to be loved but I really didn't know how to love back and the kind of guys I dated didn't know how to love either so I always felt out of place and not normal because I saw other people get all gushy over each other and I never had that so always felt like I was the last resort for guys. That doesn't do anything for a girls self esteem . I don't recall having any other of the aspie type problems when I was young aside from chronic migraines , being misunderstood, no freinds , no social life , and finding it impossible to understand what people wanted from me .

I wound up with two kids a long the way and no support , it was really hard , I gave up looking for a man and was perfectly happy in one way but desperatly in need of support , I was always in trouble financially because I couldn't keep a job , I just got to overwhelmed and felt picked on everywhere I went , I seemed always to be the butt of everyones joke and everyones scapegoat when something went wrong , eventually I became a complete recluse and ended up with crippling anxiety and depression and a complete inability to look after myself. I have a man now we met on the internet and in some respects he is much like I am , he reads all day and doesn't socialise or have freinds , but we seem to get along fine together because we've both given up having high expectations of other people .

life is still hard because of the anxiety and depression and agrophobia because I just cant cope with the kinds of things a normal person can cope with . But maybe I have the answer , maybe my diagnosis of aspergers is the cause of all the stuff I went through all my life . I don't think its an excuse , its probably a fact , if I could be brave and confident and understand people I would , I wouldn't have messed up college , i'd have a decent job and id be enjoying myself .

Any way I wrote this because some people seem to think people use aspergers as an excuse , we don't some of us have had these problems for decades and had never even heard of Aspergers we just figured on different reasons for our difficulties .
Any ways sorry for the rant , I just feel this community is so divided between those who are doing just fine and those of us who aren't and really never have and there seems to be little understanding for the people like me from the people who do fine.
If you read this far thankyou .