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Mahler7
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04 Oct 2015, 10:01 pm

About five years ago I dated this woman for two years. It's the only relationship I've been in. The relationship ended, she called it off. I've moved on and I am not interested in her romantically anymore. I haven't spoken to her since, but a few days ago I got a friend request and this message from her on Facebook:

I just want to thank you for loving me and being such a beautiful part of my life. You were a gift that I will always cherish. I am sorry for hurting you. Hope all is well. Be blessed.

Now I don't want to resume any sort of in-person-relationship with this person, but to deny being their Facebook friend also seems pretty extreme. How does one go about handling this situation? - Message back? Accept Friend Request? Ignore?

I guess I'm looking to see if anyone else has had any similar experiences and if they'd be willing to share their stories and impart some advice.

Also why does someone start talking to you again after your relationship has failed? What's the point or objective?



kraftiekortie
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05 Oct 2015, 8:02 am

I think she's seen the error of her ways. On the other hand, it's possible that she wants to play some games. I would lean toward the former though.

Why not resume the friendship? But remain wary, nevertheless. Don't be nasty to her--but always keep in mind the (slight) potential that she's a nasty game player.



BecomingMe
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05 Oct 2015, 9:09 am

If you aren't interested in any relationship with her, I'd go the route of 1) ignore, 2) polite "thank you, you were a great part of my life too. Thanks for the memories. Sorry for any hurt I did to you, also."

If you are interested in some sort of relationship, accept the friend request, respond with a simple "thank you" if you wish, and wait for things to fall out slowly. Active word = WAIT.



BeaArthur
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05 Oct 2015, 9:21 am

Mahler7 wrote:
I guess I'm looking to see if anyone else has had any similar experiences and if they'd be willing to share their stories and impart some advice.

Also why does someone start talking to you again after your relationship has failed? What's the point or objective?

I have reconnected with past loves after enough time passed. It can never rekindle (not for me, anyway), but after getting our heads clear and with time, it can be satisfying to have one's prior influence acknowledged, as she has done in her message.

My advice would be to accept her friend request but if she is posting often or you find it unappealing to hear what's going on in her life, "unfollow" her. She's still on the friends list but you don't see her all the time. If you are uncomfortable with her seeing everything you post, you can set her to "acquaintances" and set your default posts to "friends only."

The one exception would be if you are in a relationship currently and that person may be uncomfortable with an old flame being on your Facebook list - but you say you have had nothing since her, so I guess that does not apply.

Edit: P.S. I have four former dating relationships on my Facebook friends list, it's nice to keep in touch although I am now happily married and not interested in anything romantic.


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em_tsuj
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05 Oct 2015, 11:40 am

I had something like that happen to me recently. I accepted her friend request. She doesn't message me and I don't message her. I see her posts sometimes.

When my person contacted me, it was because she wanted to apologize. I was taken by surprise because it had been such a long time since me last spoke. I'm glad she contacted me because we had a good conversation and we both got closure. She asked if she could contact me again. I said she could call me but made no commitment to stay in regular contact with her. It's worked out okay so far.

Good luck in your situation. I don't know if you should respond to her or not. Even if you respond, it doesn't mean you have to commit to ongoing communication with her. Do what you feel like doing.



Mahler7
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11 Oct 2015, 12:13 am

Thank you everybody that responded. I was looking to leave her a friendly message in return, but she deleted her Facebook account, so .... I guess that's that. If that changes I'll update this thread.



Neotenous Nordic
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11 Oct 2015, 7:43 pm

Be wary.

I had an ex show newfound interest in me, only to start playing mindgames with me and being manipulative.

Autistic people are usually naive and idealistic. Cluster B personalities are drawn to these traits like moths to a flame, so I would be wary if I were you.

Not meaning to be pessimisitc, just speaking from experience.