Adult life overload

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What do you do if one more thing has happened in you life and you want to close the door, ignore the phone and just pretend you don't need anyone in this life. But still, you need communication, income and organisation to keep this existence happening in our world. How do you buck up?

I remember that life is a struggle and this too shall pass.

In minor, everyday cases - use your weekends. Remember to take breaks during the day and to get sleep.
If impossible because of babies, ask for help where you have support (spouse, friends, parents, siblings?), so they can do things for you, and you sleep. In any case, sleeping is important. Sometimes the feeling "I don't want to live on this planet anymore, I am so exhausted I could retire" is just that "I need hot shower and a lot of sleep and perhaps I haven't eaten a decent slow meal for a week".
Every day do a little thing that is pleasant for you. Just as little stresses build up, there is the other side of the equation and the little pleasures build up as well.
If for recharge, take two weeks holiday. Or take minor breaks durng the day to run in energy save mode until you can afford the holiday, I've done it but it's not the perfect solution as it just allows you to get by and still leaves you drained. My bosses are accustomed to me taking holiday at the same time of the year every year and I try not to make any surprise days off, but if it's only several times in the year, one day off might be ok.
Perhaps I am not the ideal person to give you advice as I have the tendency to drive myself into overload. It is easy to forget that we need downtime and we aren't responsible for everything that happens.

If more serious, I think therapy.

Believe that it's ok to do less when you can't do more.

Take alone/quiet-breaks - several during each day, when you're not at work, etc. Schedule extra holidays and vacations interspersed throughout the year that you can aim for.

Limit the amount of socializing you do. We have to do some to stay employed. But do you have to do every little bit that you do now?

Try relaxing herbs. Read up on Lemon Balm, Passionflower, Oat Straw, SkullCap, and California Poppy, just to name a few. Each one does something a little different, but a little bit here and there, or a whole lot when sh*t hits the fan, can help a lot.

Explore a spiritual thing that's meaningful to you. It doesn't have to involve religion if you don't want it to. It can also be very grounded and just about the natural world. The whole aim is to find that something that helps you feel there's a purpose to what you do, and how you live in the world. Feeling a purpose can make a lot of crappy things more bearable.

Thanks people, what you say is good and I will try to remember to live one day at a time and forget that I am a goal driven ex-german.

1. take a time out,
2. analyse what happened and learn lessons,
3. make sure you apply those lessons next time (I use nudges, either tech or paper)

For instance I have found socialising much easier, more successful and less tiring since I started reminding myself every day not to analyse social interactions, either (i) whilst they are happening, or (ii) afterwards. No analysing! Just sort of let them be...

all the best
John

I'm in that position right now. I cut responsibilities to the minimum. I reach out for support (usually in the form of therapy or support groups). I also literally do nothing at all. If my energy is spent, I veg out in front of the TV or go to bed. I wish life wasn't so stressful. The everyday things others seem to do are so overwhelming for me.

On several occasions, I have survived by cutting my hours to less than 1.0 FTE (i.e., less than 40 a week). Sometimes it has worked, other times there was probably nothing that could have prevented a complete crash.

I'm sad to reflect I have several wasted years, when I was really good for nothing.

Why do I feel the same, that I wasted years by not giving 100% of me, of my time, to the world. Even though 100% wasn't really mine to give, I needed some percents just to remain functional, I feel I should have done more. I know this is silly, but I still feel it. I am smart. I am capable. I do burn out. How much is mine and how much belongs to the world?

When I feel that way I try to just keep up with what is absolutely necessary to survive (ie, eat, sleep, go to work, pay bills, vehicle maintenance, etc.) and prioritize the rest according to how important it is to me. A lot of things I used to think were important don't really matter that much anymore. If nothing is really urgent, it can be put off for later.

Even when I'm feeling okay with things in general, I have to set aside blocks of time when I can retreat and not have to interact with people too much. Sometimes the only way I can make myself go to work in the morning is by telling myself, it is only x number of hours I have to do this and when I get home I can just go back to bed and shut the world out again. Then when I get home, I may or may not feel like I really need to do that. But I mean rather than thinking I have to get through the whole day as if I'm a normal person, I figure out how long I need to do it, how many things I have to do, and think of the reward for finishing my goal as being able to retreat again.

I have felt the same way and perhaps it is on account of our age, the whole "I'm young, so I should be able to do anything" philosophy. In terms of managing life's difficult moments, I try to limit socializing and try to focus on what is really important (paying bills/rent, doing my job, going to class, etc.) and try to put as much effort into keeping my routine in check. I notice that when I get overwhelmed, I get obsessive and driven to perfection, so I try to reign in that behavior by prioritizing and making sure I have ample leisure time rather than worry about getting perfect grades or perfect performance reviews at work.

I've still been unable to adequately explain this to people, that my system can't function in an environment that must cope with unceasing, ongoing demands placed on it. How do you explain to people, and why is it that in 2015 people still can't grasp this concept that there are some things that can't be resolved by just going out to a nightclub?

I found, taking a break to sort through my thoughts helps. When they're somewhat sorted, I look for a friend to help me rephrase everything, ... telling myself another lie to get through the day is a good way to deal with things, sort of re-interpreting my own narrative. But you need someone else to validate this, hence the friend. Otherwise you end up in a vicious cycle of self doubt, because you're painfully aware that the lies you tell yourself are just that.

But that's what other people are necessary for: to help you rephrase, and then accept your interpretation. And if enough people accept your verson of events, than that becomes the official version of things, of yourself, to work with.
And being somewhat in control of the narrative is how you cope with things.

Last year, I had a job I hated. after 6 months, the company and I agreed thast it'd be better if I looked for something else. Yes, I have been let go. But I also quit. So... what version should I tell myself? That I was fired from a job, because it was s o horrible I couldn't find any energy to do a good job, even though it was painfully far beneath my skills? Or that it was a horrible job, painfully far beneath my skills, and that it was the better choice to leave, before I were to settle down on that low a level.

I'm going to suggest that if that is all other people are necessary for, you're missing a key part of human existence. And maybe loving relationships in a family of your own creation is the purpose that some Aspie's are having trouble finding in their lives.

Why get up every day and go to a job you hate or anyway don't love...? Maybe because that's what people do to continue living a meaningful life with loved ones in it.

I've never accepted that Aspie's don't need/want other people in their life. They do / we do. It's hard to achieve that but still, it's what life is all about.

The answer for me is prayer and faith. When i reach my limits, the Universe has inevitably stepped in and helped me out.

1. Prioritize things I need to do and remove all but the minimum.
2. Prioritize things I want to do and remove all that drain energy, only keeping ones that recharge energy.
3. Ask for supports that help me to do more myself.
4. Ask for support from people who are willing to help when I cannot do it.
5. Ask for support from God.