32 and not a clue...

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I raise my glass to any Aspie who holds a job, even more a "career" job. It's all I can do to drag myself to a grunt job 5 days a week. I've failed in more career starts than I can count, which leaves you at retirement age with barely a living wage and not much of that going into your retirement account.

All I'm saying is, things could be worse for you, OP. Give yourself a pat on the back.

All I have is a civil service clerical career. I'm lucky I got that.

Yeah, Kraftiekortie, that's what I'm saying.

A big problem for high-functioning autistic peeps is always going to be underemployment; but I think there are other problems that will need to be worked on first. (Like, people not starving to death.) So in the managing a career area, it seems to be every man for himself, and build a support network if you possibly can (includes friends, colleagues, loved ones, even a dog) to get you through the tough times.

My career is full of nerds, geeks and social originals, so I kind of get a free pass unless I really mess something up. Which happens every now and then, but not as often as before. I'm not underemployed, but not on par with my age peers, I lost a few years. But it's ok. NTs like to have people like us as specialists.

(and I'm totally with you about the support network. It often makes all the difference)

Hmm. I'm pretty sure high functioning autism can be both good and bad for a career. I'm guessing your usual gaussian distribution 10% are doing very well, 40% are okay, 40% are less okay and for 10% things are really bad. Some of my aspie- friends are very happy engineers and economists.
But they are blissfully unaware of their aspie-ness. Just never became a real problem, never really needed attention and they chose careers in which their analytical skills are being valued...


But yeah, after my 'career' attempts sort of failed, I'm currently working as sort of a specialist. Illustrations and storyboards. But almost exclusively for production companies or design companies, i. e. Other Professionals.
And I don't have to meet any final clients, I don't get to talk to the people who eventually pay for all of it.
But that's really a lucky coincidence, - I had proper employment at times, and I did not get along well with my superiors.
Freelancing for a limited number of companies that only ask me to deliver on time, but not to actually spend (kill) time at their facilities seems to be the only way I can make this work....

Has anyone ever decided AGAINST settling down? As my private life is a bit empty, to put it mildly, I'm wondering if growing roots is a good idea for me.- sure, last time I tried to leave for the unknown, I crashed and burned, but I wonder if I should even try to go for a family and a house and all that. In the age of gentrification, the only reasonably achievable house would have to be in the middle of nowhere.... And the idea of making a new human being only to subject it and myself to an educational system that has only changed for the worse since I last dealt with makes me quite sad, actually...

I spent my 20s going from apartment to apartment (sometimes my own, sometimes my girlfriend's).

I knew I needed to settle down when I turned about 29.

Otherwise, I would have probably wound up on the street.

@Kraftiekortie
What do you mean "going from aprtement to apartement" ... Is that not how most people live, until they gather so much stuff they can't be bothered to move, except maybe to a bigger place that can hold more stuff?

I spent the last... 4 years living out of a suitcase, in shared flats. I recently moved into my own place... Finally got all my books out of storage... Yay!
-but I'm still living as if everything I wanted to have must fit into a suitcase. In that respect, getting a washing machine was really weird.

Nope...most people, even young people, don't go from apartment to apartment all the time. They tend to stay in one apartment/house for at least a few years.

Or they stay at their parents' place until a later date.

And some of those apartments weren't mine--they were my various girlfriend's. I was living sort of a vagabond existence.

For me wondering if to buy a house at 32 sounds like a first world problem.
See, where I live, most of my friends have either co-bought their flats with their parents, or parents bought it for them (my case), or inherited the flat from a dead cousin, or are renting. The ones that bought their flat for themselves live in one room with a kitchen. I'm talking about couples earning together two average salaries, or better than that. You need to have a seriously lucrative career to buy a bigger apartment for yourself, and a house...? Hah! And for a single person?
Maybe when you're over 40.

Yes, that is all correct. I'm not worrying if I should buy now, with cash.
I'm wondering if I would want to do what my friends are doing: take up a mortgage etc.
Yes, they are couples but most of them have very average paying jobs. They're just fiscally responsible people, who plan to stay put for the next 50 years.

And I'm asking, and have been, since the beginning: how does one muster the conviction to do this?
And should I try to follow suit, because it looks like healthy behaviour?
I'm not wondering whether I should buy a house right now, but whether I should want to. .... I'm looking for a logical next step to avoid being a victim of coincidence and circstance....but I'm struggling with what I wamt feom life. As I said, I don't have a clue

Ideally, if you really like a house and the land around it, you should take out a 10 year mortgage.

Well, nobody can decide it for yourself.
In my case I just really wanted to move out and live independently. Do my own laundry, stay late at the computer and never report where I went to party, even paying my bills seemed like a responsible, attractive possibility, that could boost my self-esteem. Living at parents' house seriously sucks when you're 28. At least that is what I felt.
I did not expect them to buy the flat. But they did. Just for the case, this IS super-overprotective, and still I am grateful. It is good to have your own place.
Renting would not provide me with the feeling that I have my own castle, so to speak.We can hang pictures on the walls and own a cat and nobody tells us a thing. Also nobody will suddenly visit and say: hey, I want to sell this flat, move out and find a new place to live in two weeks.

Well... I'm not asking someone to make these decisions for me, - and funnily, it ses that's all people want to do: make these decisions for me, but in a sort of noncommital way. You should do this or that; but it's your decision -
What I'm trying to find out is HOW people make these decisions.
It seems, for most people, starting a family and owning a house are just., things one does at a certain age. They make it seem like that's what they always wanted, so they worked towards it.
I admire their conviction and am wondering why I don't have plans like that for my life, and I was hoping to find some advice, not so much for any specific plan, but rather on how to have plans at all... Did you guys just know you wanted a family/ specific job/ specific place to live at?

@Plushdisaster:
There's nothing wrong with having your parents buy you a place. Frankly, no one in our generation is going to have the wealth and opportunity and blissful naivity towards mindless consumption and globalisation our parents had.
Except if you create an app for a problem that no one knew they had, like... Not knowing how to show a picture of my dinner and or cat to the whole world.

do you like teaching? the professor path can be challenging, you can advocate yourself to investigation, teaching and innovation.

Well, I have a job and a hobby. I identify with both so strongly that I had to make a living as an independent adult to follow them. It could not be done otherwise. Then circumstances almost defeated me.
Then, somewhere along the ride, I fell in love and found that together we are stronger, not weaker. But I found out that I have to build a life for us. We both have, but I knew that I have my part in it.
And this is it, I'm a builder. I build my life, my friendships, and sometimes it is painfully hard, because the easy life things don't come easily to me. But in the end I have a small village of family and friends around, and a job that is cosy enough, but lets me invent things. The same kind of job abroad would probably be extremely competetive and I would not get much done out of stress.
I think that having a place to live, having a job etc. for most people is not a goal in itself. The need for such stuff arises with circumstances. Most of them doesn't even plan as far as a few years; I'm a planner, but I know people aren't, and this is okay. For some there is never a plan, just going from one thing to another. A friend of mine who lives in perpetual chaos, somehow managed to get a flat, get a husband from another continent throught an MMO game, deliver a wonderful daughter despite serious health problems and all those things just sort of fell on her. I would be scared to the bones with her perpetually improvised life, and this is a good life after all.
It's just that. Sometimes there is no plan and you make it up as you go.

@ Plushdisaster: hmm, sounds like you had a good hunch on what seems right for you.
The 'making it up as you go along' bit has not worked out massively well for me lately, so I'm trying to figure out what I want from life and how to get there... But the first qiestion is sort of doing my head in, let alone the second part. And I seem to not have too good a feeling for what's good for me, in the medium to long term - it feels like some major life decisions, I have approached like a some people approach that unnecessary last drink: not enjoying it, and only regretting the money spent, the actions committed and the hangover the next 2 days. Or in my case, years.


I actually do like teaching. Sadly, the place where I did my MA, and where I could teach what I'm actually good at, is in London. And that is a horrible place for people with sensory issues. But I've given workshops there, which was fun and since they were continuously well attended, I assume I wasn't doing too badly. Even though I held my first workshop for several hours until I was asked who I was, as I had forgotten to introduce myself.
Currently, I'm in the city in which I did my diploma in an only somewhat related field, and I've asked a few times for teaching possibilities here, but they don't seem to like me too much. Need I mention, I'm an odd cat?
This city is much easier on the senses, though, and not exerting unnecessary stress, which I deem partially responsible for the depression/anxiety I've experienced.
And I know at least some folks here, and have some family to visit every other week.