What is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to you..

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"you're just like a little GIRL!"

k*e
A lot of people used to say that to me in school days

I've been experiencing "burnout" for several months. It mostly began December of 2015. I was living in my vehicle in the Bay Area and needed time alone so I was going to go camp at some federal lands in the desert southwest for the winter. The night before I was getting ready to leave for the campsite the next day. I was spending the night in my car at Yuma AZ's walmart. I had just purchased many camping supplies.

My ex (daughter's mom) calls me and tells me I need to get out there right now because she was kicking our daughter out of the house. I was startled. She said she'd help me get back to Pennsylvania so she could live with me. Then she texts me not to come out, that it was settled. I'm in Spidey mode. No way. Nobody even threatens to kick my daughter out. Since her mom failed to give me the money I needed to get out there I returned all my camping gear to Walmart so I had could get as close to PA as possible. I got as far as to SE Missouri where I have family.

My ex and my daughter were happening to come out to Missouri (where I was) for a few days. I was able to see here a few times while they were down.

Here's where the hurtful part comes in... I asked my daughter to please spend some quality alone time with me, because I missed her and wanted to make sure everything was ok. She said, "We didn't come here to see you, Dad".

That crushed me. That was the beginning of my autistic burnout in which I am just now getting over (I think).

^^^^people can be so disappointing, can't they?

In first grade my special ed teacher told me to "quit acting stupid," so from then on I started pointing the sharp end of my pencil towards her believing one day it would magically float in her direction and stab her.

I had a speech therapist that made me sit on my hands in front of the group because I was fidgeting. It was embarrassing and made me want to stab her.

I wish back when i was in school, that pink Floyd would have released their song about how when the teachers would go home at night their psychopathic wives would thrash them within inches of their lives.

It was all the things they didn't say. The truth they denied me.
But I found out.

RELATED THREAD: (LINK) The Subtle Comments From Others Can be Painful Too!

By the very nature of the Autism spectrum, it's common to dwell-on, harp-on both obvious, and subtle experiences. It's common to overcompensate in handling such situations, as well as struggling to find reasons why "things happen the way they happen."

Personally, I've found it best to reassess strengths in order to get to weaknesses e.g., difficulties in handling social skills.

(LINK): viewtopic.php?t=338676

the cumulative microaggressions, plus the gaslighting over the decades.

There are so many to choose from but one in particular happened when I was 11. My Father was working as a FIFO (fly in, fly out) worker. It was the happiest year of my childhood. he was gone for 6 weeks at a time then home for two weeks R&R. On one R&R break he asked me, sounding quite normal, if I knew why he worked away. I knew the money was good so I said 'the money' and he rounded on me shouting 'NO, It's you. I cannot stand the sight of you!' I think it was the shock of how he exploded. I knew he never wanted me and considered I ruined his life but the way he just spat hate, spite and venom was surprising. Usually he gave me plenty of warning before exploding. This just seemed to come out of nowhere.

^^^^

most recently about having aspergers, "that's not an excuse for your behavior"

the person was my boss. she said, "i have a niece with aspergers, so thats not an excuse for your behavior"
i think she was the most closed minded manager i've ever met in the workplace.

another comment that hit me like a monkey swinging a wrench, "you dont look like you have autism"
this coming from a person who "looked" like they had several disabilities.

I write books and wanted to take a creative writing class. I came up with my story line all by myself and a family member told me, "Just remember that this is a CREATIVE writing class". They haven't read what I write and it really hurt because I worked so hard to make my story line work. I'm going to take a writing class because I can't share with anyone what I write. That's one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me because I worked so hard and then that happens.

The worst thing happened in a dream. I saw a piece of paper on which someone, maybe a teacher from my past, had written: "Autistic person, no purpose in life."

My "best friend" since 4th grade, not long after high school, told me she had only been my friend all those years because she felt sorry for me. Toxic people are toxic.

My father:
"Don't bleed on my f*****g carpet!"

My mother:
Any time she broke down into tears crying because of something I did. Which was often.

My best friend:
"You're like a verbal apocalypse."

Other friend:
"I'm so tired of you treating me like a bug you're inspecting."