My new aide doesn't understand that I am an adult

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I have 2 aides/caretakers. They come in on different days at the group home where I live. I know and like one of them really well. The other one is new and doesn't understand me so well. She has taken me out a couple of times to get groceries or do other errands. She doesn't really treat me like an adult. For example she counts out my change for me at stores. I'm supposed to do that by myself. I mentioned it but she told me that its faster if she just does it. I like counting out my own change.

I'm also allowed to wear whatever I want but she always tries to get me to change my mind and it makes me self conscious of my clothes. For example I wore a pair of corduroy pull on pants with a t shirt I really like. She asked me if I was sure I wanted to wear those pants. It took me half to an hour to choose those pants to wear. She told me it was too hot to wear. I thought about that when putting them on. My other caretaker just lets me wear what I want.

She also thinks I am lying when I say that I brushed my teeth. I brush them every morning and every night. She has made me brush a second time sometimes. She is strict about it. She is also really strict about my ADHD medication. I don't like taking it but I have to. That is nice to be reminded though. I would just forget and that's not good.

She is very helpful but sometimes just doesn't get that I can do some things by myself. I can pay for myself at stores and I can order for myself at restaurants. I can also do my own laundry and I can change my own sheets. I want her to understand more. I know that I have social difficulties and developmental delays. To a lot of people that means that I cannot be very independent. My parents want me to be as independent as possible. I feel like I should talk about this with them

I have not been in a group home but was in a rehab facility for 14 months and I have also had to deal with aides at home for my physical disabilities and my elderly mom needs them.

In my experience it takes a really long time to train them and many are incapable or unwilling to understand. Most of these aides are trained for and used to people who are intellectually disabled or who have dementia. Being “stupid” at one skill and great at another skill common in autism is just not understood. Adding to the problem is that these facilities pay these people poorly so you often get the worst aids working for them. While the aide may indeed be faster at counting change she is being selfish in taking that responsibility away from you. Most facilities have a social worker or ombudsmen. Their job is to straighten out these type of situations. If you are capable finding them and speaking to them on your own that would be the independent thing to do.