Living alone, feeling overwhelmed by household tasks.

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I prefer to use real plates because I only have 8 of them so I am forced to do dishes when I run out. I used to be a paper plate and plastic utensil guy but they never seemed to find their way to the trash when I was done with them.

Hello everyone,

I have had a similar problem I live alone in a big house well big for the UK anyway and I struggle with this same problem,

I have 4 bedrooms and a 33ft by 28 foot lounge its just me in this house and my dog, I explained to a family member that I was struggling with the size of the house and all its contents its wasn't messy just I have 4 bedrooms full of furniture and general household items, we hired a few skips and threw out all the items I didn't want and didn't use often and also gave away a load of furniture and house contents.

I did go through the process of throwing out nearly all the old items and bought newer or used items and the fresh start helped me out moving the funiture in the house around helps too for me.

I do let the housework get ontop on me now and then but I make sure I clean dishes and pots and pans as I go, I dont go into 2/3rds of the house but as I make sure I keep the house uptogether I pay for someone to come in and do my gardening as those things I can't cope with at all.

I think that each of you who have posted strategies have each got good suggestions but I find when I keep the cleaning uptogether I normally avoid eating and cooking as a way of avoiding having to clean up it seems like a vicious circle.

I dont tend to cook often and usually live off easy to prepare meals like sandwiches and tinned soups and stuff. its just not easy to cook complex meals when you live alone.

(ps, dont worry the dog is fed well and regularly and so god help me if its not ready at 6pm on the dot I DO know about it)

I really envy you all that space, even though I understand it is a challenge to keep it neat and clean. My fiance and I are in the process of moving him into my tiny 2 bedroom cottage until we can find something bigger. I really hate being cramped this way!

I am the same way. I think part of it, and this may sound stupid- it does to me anyway, but it's what I think- is that in some ways I'm a perfectionist. My house is too small and there's not enough room for everything, so the term "There's a place for everything and everything in it's place" doesn't work. Therefore, it will never be perfect, or even good enough for my liking, so why bother? My kids won't help me keep it picked up, and neither will my NT husband. It just always pisses me off and I get overwhelmed.

Keimeren,

if you don't use all those bedrooms regularly (like they are guest rooms occasionally, etc) you could try closing some of them up when not in use. We have a guest room that only gets used for a couple weeks a year when we have visitors, and I keep it closed up. If dust is a problem, you can drape a clean sheet over furniture to protect it. It cuts down on the amount of area that needs to be regularly maintained, and therefore the sense of being overwhelmed by how much of it there is to do. If the room is only used rarely, it's really a snap to go in and remove drapes and do "touch up" work to get it ready for use again. It doesn't need to be maintained on the same schedule as the rest of your main living use areas.

Also, if you have a special interest that takes a long time and/or creates a lot of mess while in "mid-project" extra rooms are a great way to control that mess and clutter. Ever since I moved out on my own, I have always had a "project room" which was the messiest room in the house but had a door that could be closed if I needed my space to be visually calm. As long as the project is contained in the spare room, I don't have to worry about pets breaking or messing up important stuff "in progress" and I still have the sanity of a "clean house" everywhere else. My very important project is protected and safe, AND I don't have to clean it up, put it away and set it up again to work on it constantly. Win - Win!

I envy you... having enough rooms to do that.
My study doubles a bit in function, so I still have to clean it regularly. Sometimes I make something and use a lot of loose pieces of paper or objects, that causes quite a mess.

This is such a practical strategy. Inviting people over helps with several problems at once - loneliness, clutter and isolation. Thanks for mentioning it, because for a lot of people the lists, reminders and bulletin boards just don't work. You have to find a way of motivating yourself to work on the lists and such anyway, and that's why it doesn't work.

I live alone too, which presents a problem in itself.

I'm so glad I joined this site. The more I read from people, the more I find problems I've had all my life, but coupled with really good solutions.

"But, this may not seem like a big deal but its effecting my life"

Believe me, I know what a big deal it is.

I've always lived on my own; usually in one or two bedroom apartments. One time I went on a trip for a week and I left my apartment a shambles. The management entered my apartment while I was away and when I returned I found a note on my door to see the manager. She gave me 3 days to clean the apartment or I would face eviction. I did so and I was not evicted; but these are the kinds of situations I get myself in.

Another apartment I was renting had a leaky faucet in the bathroom and it was leaking onto the cabinet below and onto the floor and carpet in the next room. Also the bathtub had another leaky faucet that gradually got worse until it was literally jetting out and I couldn't find the shutoff valve for the bathtub. I didn't want anyone in my apartment because it was such a mess, so I didn't tell anyone about the problem until I moved out about a year later. At that time the water from the leak had spread under the carpet in the next room and left mold running up the walls of that room and caused major damage to the wood on the sink cabinet. That's how bad it got because of this problem. I never had friends over so it was pretty much my lonely problem.

Now I'm so happy to hear that it's not just me and my laziness and that there's some things I can do about situations like that. Incidentally this situation distressed me so much that I was hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideation about two weeks before I moved out. The management ended up charging me about $200.00 for damages. I have my own apartment now, but it's in an independent living facility for people with disabilities. This is the first time I've lived in such a place. The management checks up on me once in a while, so I can keep my place clean. Also they offer a maid service for people who have trouble cleaning. The problem with this is that it's really for those who are physically disabled, but I think I could convince them that I need the service.

I live in near-overwhelm all the time, with three kids. In addition to the suggestions above, I can add something I discovered recently (not that I am able to remember it all the time):

I actually enjoy the process of organizing and cleaning, seeing order arise out of chaos. So I try to tap into THAT instead of into the end-state of cleanliness -- which doesn't last long in a household of five, so I'm only setting myself up for failure that way. When I can focus on enjoying the process of organizing/cleaning, then I can also let go, just a little, of the anger I have at being "forced" to live in a house with people who constantly turn it into a chaos when I crave order. I can look at it as an opportunity to experience the satisfaction that comes from bringing order out of chaos.

Of course, you have to actually enjoy lining things up, and seeing a line of emptiness sweep slowly across the kitchen counter as you wipe, and that sort of thing, for this technique to work--but if you do enjoy the process, then I find this is a good way to let go of some of the overwhelm and anger you (I) feel at the constant disorder.

[quote="Saja"]Of course, you have to actually enjoy lining things up, and seeing a line of emptiness sweep slowly across the kitchen counter as you wipe, and that sort of thing, for this technique to work--but if you do enjoy the process, then I find this is a good way to let go of some of the overwhelm and anger you (I) feel at the constant disorder.[/quoteT
This is a good way to look at it! I like when I see a cluttered room and know exactly how I am going to put things right. I believe in having a place for everything. If there is no place to put things, then I freak. My fiance has moved in with me, and brought a lot of his things over. He rented a storage unit to put his extra things in for now, and I am actually planning to store some of my extra stuff as well because the clutter is getting overwhelming. I like to be able to clean the floor without having to move too many things into the next room and then back again.

I have a similar problem - and I have found that trying to do lists or organize a routine just makes it worse, as I end up getting focused on the list and creating the routine and the cleaning never gets done.

My biggest problem is that when I am not actually looking at it I forget the cleaning is there, by the time it is big enough I can't overlook it, it has become too overwhelming to tackle.

What I have found helps most is attaching little bits of cleaning chores to other things I am doing. For example, when I have a shower I make it part of the routine to wipe down the bathroom sink as well. Dishwashing and bench wiping is what I do while I am waiting for my coffee to brew. I try and find anything which I do regularly that can be used as a trigger, and attach a cleaning task to it, and for some things it will be a specific task, other things it will just be the next thing I can think of (it is amazing how fast ironing disappears when you iron 4 things an ad break!)

This approach means I rarely have to do cleaning as a separate activity, and the cleaning up tends to become just part of the activity and I don't even notice myself doing it. When things get really out of control, I set a timer for 15 minutes, clean anything I see in that time and then stop when the timer goes off. I will repeat that whenever I feel up to it, but never have to face the prospect of doing everything in one go.

I just started living alone in this big house. This thread is a good reminder that things could get out of hand if I don't keep up with the cleaning.

The only suggestion (that hasn't been mentioned) I can add is to replace your reading material (books newspapers and magazines) with reading on your computer, smartphone, or ebook reader.

I feel this, too. I am diagnosed as Level 1 Requiring Support. I have trouble planning and organizing and think this might be getting in the way, since cleaning uses a lot of these executive functions. I am unsure how to work around it, though. Vacuums are terrible with their loud noise, so when mine broke, I never bought another. And with college classes Monday, Tuesday and Thursday coming up, I am not going to be home until around 5 p.m. those days. I like living alone, but how do I handle this?

I did both of those things! I mean, my dishes aren't actually stainless steel, and I still have the rest of them (because they're not stainless steel, they're breakable, so I kept the rest for replacements). But the rest are in a closed cupboard in another room, and I just have 2 of everything in the kitchen. And I have lots of trash cans, 2 in some rooms. Both of these things have definitely made a difference.

I'm also a list maker.

I find if I have, say, eight things to do and they're all swimming around in my head, I get overwhelmed and there's a good chance I will wind up doing none of them. But if I write them down, I'm able to focus on the tasks and make decisions on which ones are more pressing.

Plus it feels damn good when I cross items off the list. That gives me a real sense of accomplishment.

As of this writing, there is a current WP discussion-thread, 'ASD And Physical Chores' in the 'General Autism Discussion Forum.'