Buying a house and feeling like a failure

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I'm in a weird spot right now and I'm looking for advice.
My Background:
29, UK, low wage public sector job, tried to move abroad at one point, f****d it up, came back when I was 20 and started renting here, living with parents after moving back into my family home at age 24 to save for a mortgage.

I live very, very frugally, don't buy stuff I don't need, don't drink, don't smoke, don't do much in the way of "fun" as many NT's would think of it, I hike, run and do computer stuff for fun. That, and living with Mum, has let me focus very heavily on saving money and planning how to get a place of my own/get out of the country again. I've maybe been too focused on the getting out bit, not focused enough on actually living life.

So I was saving for a place to live, started a new career in late 2019, then covid got in the way, lost the job, didn't go through with buying a place, went back to my old job, (found out I was autistic at this point), then family stuff got in the way, then I bungled a couple sales, all the while I'm not really getting on with putting the other pillars of a real life down, because I don't feel I can with my living situation and family dynamic.

That brings us up to now.
I can afford to buy a place, but only because of savings, my wages are still s**t, everything is now mega expensive. I've soft-agreed to buying a house here, and its a nice place, I have a steady job, and could live comfortably enough. The issue is the thought of being stuck in this place fills me with dread.

I feel completely detached from my home town, I know no-one here outside my family, and do nothing here expect sleep and go to the supermarket. I have some fragmentary aspects of an actual life in the nearby city where I work, but its a 20 mile drive away, I'd much rather live there, but its dramatically more expensive, expensive enough that I can't afford to rent there, and could only really afford a pretty grubby, probably moldy flat if I wanted to buy, and it would cost me a lot more money than the nice house here would.

I don't know what to do.
I do not want to live at home anymore, and am going mad here, but I do not want to stay in this town either. But then when I try to plan how to leave I run into a series of brick walls, I struggle on and off with serious executive functioning problems, which makes some things very difficult a lot of the time, and my skill set and experience kind of pigeonholes me into public sector jobs that don't pay that well. Not that I could probably manage doing non public sector work again if I could get it, because the stress eats me alive and I burn out quickly.

I'm aware that I'm in a better position than many people my age in the UK, and I'm grateful for that, but the future fills me with dread, is this what my life is going to be, wake up, under perform at the job I'm overqualified for because I struggle to do anything consistently, go home exhausted, to a place where I feel like an interloper, maybe get to spend an hour or two a week actually socializing, if I'm capable of doing so that week and not completely burnt out, and spending 10 or so hours a week traveling back and forth to the city every day?

But then what's the alternative? How do I get out of this mess/be OK with the situation I'm in?
I feel like I've squandered my potential and am living a shell of a life.

I found that buying a home to be a very good investment. The old owner raised a family and sold it for what he paid for it! He missed out on any capital appreciation. Good for me but not for him as I bought when the prices were still low.
Finally the prices of home in my area have gone up.
There are a lot of benefits to living in your own home.
Maybe you could get a roommate to help with expenses and keep the place clean if you buy a home.
The couple next door rents out a room which is a hassle juggling three cars in one narrow driveway.

It makes more sense to get something affordable and commute. Many sensible folks do that.
You don't want to stretch too hard to own a home.

It is nice to have good neighbors. A bad neighbor can be a big problem.

Good luck!

Work tons of overtime. Then you can buy a really high-end house. Just have a high credit score and no debt. The lenders will practically throw money at you to buy almost anything.

Why not buy something in the town you live in but put a cap on your time there? Say two years. Then you'll be paying off your mortgage, chances are your house will appreciate in value in those years and you can sell it for a bit more than you paid and get out.

When I feel depressed about a situation that I can't change immediately, it helps me to put a time limit on it. Does it make it easier to think about staying in your town if you knew it was only going to be a couple of years?

It does, but I feel like I've been doing that for most of the last decade, I've been living at home since I was 24, thinking to myself "I'll do this for another x years, then I'll get what I want" What I wanted was the means to start a life worth living, somewhere I actually felt like I belonged, not an expensive box to rot in alone.

Listing out the pros and cons I know on balance I should buy the place, but the thought fills me with dread, it feels like committing to this hell hole long term in a way living here with family simply didn't.

If the thought fills you with dread, that seems like a very good indicator of what to consider when making your choice.
Generally, I find when I want to move towards something that something is worth exploring and it is important we not box ourselves in when looking at possibilities.
Perhaps reframing things may help with decision making. You do know you don't like where you currently live. You also understand what you can afford. Maybe considering looking for another job in a more affordable location and renting would provide the change in scenery you crave, while allowing you to explore another town and determine if that place may be somewhere where you would like to buy a home.
That is just an example, but I feel if the current set of variables aren't equating to an outcome that brings you satisfaction, it is time to seek a different set of variables and perhaps in different combinations until you find what feels better for you.
Once you land on that, if you can, divide the ultimate outcome into small, achievable steps until you get there.

I agree that if something fills you with dread, that's probably a strong sign that it's not right for you.

Why not rent? Sure, buying a house makes financial sense, but only in the long run. If you don't stay there long you are more likely to lose money. You probably wouldn't make money selling it after only a couple of years if you count the expenses like realtor fees and property taxes, even if the actual sale price is higher than what you bought it for.

Renting might feel like it's just throwing money away, but not compared to the loss of reselling the house at a loss. (I have been there and I took a big financial hit reselling a house.)