Coping with Loud Neighbors

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Ugh. I just moved into a new apartment and although changes can be hard for me, I really thought this one would be for the best. I love the layout of the new place, it's much closer to where I work, etc. But, I've been miserable since I got here. There is a young (maybe 21 year-old?) girl downstairs and she is driving me crazy. I've been stressed out to the point of feeling sick at the end of the workday when I know I have to go home.

The first night I spent here, she had her friends over and was making noise until 2 am. (Bear in mind, I'd been up since 5 am moving the day before). At first, I thought it would just be a weekend thing, but she's pretty noisy during the week, too, and a night owl. I'm fairly noise-sensitive, but this level of noise would bother anyone.

Right now she's 'entertaining' again and, from what I can tell, they're playing tag while wasted. (Seriously, I even just heard someone yell, "I'm it!") They're literally running from one end of the apaprtment to the other, yelling and screaming. And, because of the way the building is built, it sounds like they are right in my living room doing it. In my bedroom, I have sliding glass doors that lead out onto a deck, which is right above her deck, so when they are out there at night, I can't sleep. Plus, although it's supposed to be a non-smoking property, decks included, they're out there smoking often and the smell drifts right up into my bedroom.

I tried hanging thick blackout drapes that are supposed to reduce noise and putting down area rugs, but it didn't do much and seems to have been a waste of time and money. I'm afraid of what they might do in retaliation if I complain to my landlord and, since we're in end units and I just moved in, it would be pretty obvious who complained. Plus, although my lease says that two noise complaints or getting caught smoking are cause for eviction, my landlord doesn't strike me as the type to enforce it as long as the person's rent checks are still coming in.

So, although I don't enjoy feeling like I'm living in the middle of spring break or something, it seems like my back's against the wall with this situation. And, everyone seems to be giving me conflicting advice on how how to deal with it.

Can anyone give some sound advice or just speak from experience? It would be much appreciated!

buy earplugs

Yeah, I've tried earplugs and they do muffle the sound somewhat, but not enough for me at night while I'm trying to sleep.

Someone at work also suggested some sort of industrial headphones that block sound, but I'm not sure how much those cost. Plus, if they work that well, I would be afraid of not hearing things I need to hear, like my alarm clock or a smoke detector, while wearing them.

My friend had neighbours like that. She spoke to them about the noise; that didn't work. Her point was that she has to get up at 5am for her job. So the next morning, she turned on her radio full blast and went to work. They got quiet.

You know, it just occurred to me that it was this same friend who wore her big clunky shoes in the apartment, and I had to explain to her about slippers or sneakers. It took a lot of talking, she didn't understand it. She figured she can do what she wants in her own apartment. Do these young people even know that you can hear them?

This is bringing back other memories. I lived under a couple with child. The couple quarreled all night. The wife had a naturally huge voice and I could understand everything she said (while I was trying to sleep). So one day I said to her, "Is that your son, I expected him to be smaller." She asked why and I said, "Because yesterday you told him to get back in his crib." You should have seen her face! She didn't know. Things got better after that.

What hours are your neighbours noisy?

If you can bring yourself to do so, please go to visit them. Bring something nice and take the "Hi, I'm new to the units" line. A noise issue (or any kind of issue) is easier to discuss between neighbors who aren't complete strangers and you get rid of the "us vs them" feel.

If you cannot bear to make contact, your other option is to contact law enforcement. Police are there to help in these situations and could either offer you advice on how to approach or break up the party. They're not going to be hauling people off, but they can talk to the people on your behalf. Above all, police want a peaceful resolution. Don't call 911; use the non-emergency number for your area.

Complaining to the rental unit management can have mixed results. I would not recommend this for reasons too numerous and varied to go into here.

If you need to be non-confrontational about it it seems that Noise Canceling Headphones, just turn them on without plugging them into a sound source and they'll reduce those annoying low frequency sounds like thumps and bumps better than anything else.

Sorry to hear that, that would drive me absolutely nuts. I don't really know what advice to give, I generally avoid my neighbors at all costs. I hope you find a solution.

I do feel I should try to talk to her before going to the landlord for a variety of reasons, but a good time/situation for me to do so hasn't really come up.

She tends to get home after I'm already either in bed or getting ready for bed, etc. and often has people over. I hate the idea of talking to her as it is, but the idea of having to go down in my pj's and without make-up in front of her friends is even worse, especially if it ends up being some big confrontation. I know I'm being completely ridiculous, but I feel like I may as well go down with curlers in my hair and cold cream on or something ... the mean old spinster lady who lives upstairs ...

Guess I'll have to give it some time and hopefully I'll grow a spine in the meantime. Still not really sure what to do, but thanks for the advice. Honestly, it felt good just venting!

I would try to talk to the neighbor about it first. Although that's probably the hardest part.

If that doesn't work, complain to management about it. If management doesn't kick the neighbor out or at least shut her up, maybe the cops will.

If all else fails, maybe they'll let you move into a different apartment in the complex?

In the meantime, though it sucks to have to just "make-do" at an apartment you're paying your hard-earned money for, I would get earplugs and headphones.

I myself vow that after I move, I will *NEVER* live in another apartment again, *EVER.* For this very same problem.

In my experience, talking with the landlord rarely works - but talking with the offending neighbor never works. I mean, c'mon. Anyone with any sort of decency wouldn't be making that kind of big racket in the first place.

The only thing that ever worked for me was making it uncomfortable for them. I had downstairs neighbors once that partied all night, night after night, and didn't care. So I also did the loud stereo thing - but I put the speakers face down on the bare floor on top of pie tins and cranked the volume. It only took a few times of that to "invite" the party people to be a little more respectful.

And, when it hasn't seemed safe enough to "fight back" some how, I've used earplugs/etc as I could and then moved, as soon as I was able.

Blueroses, I don't know if you are already aware of this, but there is a "correct" way to install earplugs. (This was something I only figured out a couple of years ago when I was stuck living with some noisey people.)

Two other things to try are noise-reducing ear "muffs" --I own a pair of Peltor Optime IIs-- and "white" or "brown" noise. You can generate white noise with a fan. Alternatively, you can purchase sound recordings (e.g., http://whitenoisemp3s.com/ ).

Loosely related:
"The 'Pursuit Of Silence' In A World Full of Noise" [Fresh Air]
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... =125511963

Anyway, I hope you find something that works.

[Double post deleted.]

I used to live in apartments. I'll never ever do it again. I had neighbors who thought it was cool to turn up their stereo full tilt in the middle of the night. Scared the crap out of me because I was dead asleep! They complained about me making noise even when I wasn't home & the managers did not listen to me. I've had water pouring in through the ceiling of my bathroom from the unit above, & the managers did nothing. Had to deal with neighbors other head who liked to have loud sex, other neighbors whose little kid would stomp around (daily occurrence), & talking to them didn't help. Had one neighbor who called me old because I didn't like his booming base coming through my bedroom wall (we shared the wall). Age has nothing to do with it, I have always been this way. Unfortunately, there are a lot of stupid people who don't care that their actions can have a very negative affect on others around them.

I would say that the best option would be to look for a nice quiet condo in the near future. Start looking before your lease is up. Some people just have a low tolerance for noise. I can totally relate.

Some things I have tried: running fans, a white noise generator (I like the running water/crickets setting), & even better, a nice quiet place. And as others suggested: noise canceling headphones.

Good luck!

I've had a similar experience. Tried earplugs, speaking with the landlord, playing white noise tracks. The solution for me was getting out of there.