did turning 30+ make your aspie symptoms worse?

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First off, a little info about myself. I am 29, Female, and a suspected (very much so) but un DX Aspie. I have 2 beautiful children. One NT (my oldest girl) and a little boy (7 months now) who is not. I am a very happy Stay at home mom. Ive always had my problems but Ive been a happy well intergrated member of socioety. I managed to control most of my social anxiety, I dont have the same twitches/stims, ocd like behavior or obsessions anymore. (or so I thought). However lately Ive been having a real probelm "faking it". I cant stand having any social interactions, I stim all the time, I pick my fingers, chew my hair, rub my feet, and I don't want to leave the house. I used to have image issues as a teen, but It was never a problem. now I cant even look myself in the mirror without wanting to desperatly change something about my apperence. I still take care of the kids and the house. But I avoid the phone, and all visitors like the plague. I have a very hard time dealing with my NT daughter who's constant emotional breakdowns and manipulations have been driving me up a wall. and I keep thinking that I want to change things about myself and my life, but I'm not sure what these things are. Ive been told that all of this is just a process you go through when you reach a certian age. In my case, I will be turning 30 next spring. Ive always liked my life, my kids, and my decsisions up untill now. Now I feel like I'm second guessing every choice I have ever made. I dont really want to change, I just feel as If I am anyway. (If that makes any sense). I was wondering If any of you experienced a "relapse" of sorts when you were older, where your symptoms/stims came back, and gather some Ideas and coping stratigies for it. I'm driving my family crazy. and I could use some advice. Ive had this all under control for over 10 years now. I find it strange that I would be having a problem with it now. Or maybe I'm just old enough now that I'm getting tired of "faking it" all the time.

what do you think?

(oh, and please be kind) thank you

I'm curious about your post. I wonder if it is a "decade" thing. I turned 40 last year.

As the "ninth" year progresses, isn't there more anxiety about the approaching milestone birthday? And then the morning of your birthday you wake up and realize Hey, I'm still alive, I didn't magically turn into something else? And the throughout the week (month, year) this incredible wave of nostalgia hits and you remember life events and different people in your life. There's a certain head trip in that now you are thirty/forty you can't put up with the immaturity of someone younger than you. You see your life in review and can judge yourself as to how sucessful or unsucessful you have been.

It is quite possibly a huge trap for an aspie. Try to ride the wave and not get sucked in to the current. Be kind to yourself and see the good in yourself. If you loose your balance, then you will feel like your symptoms are getting worse.

All I know is that the first time I thought of Asperger's and self-diagnosed, I was over 30.

I learned to "fake it" a long time ago, but that didn't tell me why I had to "fake it." Now, if I notice a symptom, at least there's a reason. I can feel more relaxed as a result.

Maybe you are just tired of "faking it," and I don't blame you.

[quote="hutchscott"]I'm curious about your post. I wonder if it is a "decade" thing. I turned 40 last year.

As the "ninth" year progresses, isn't there more anxiety about the approaching milestone birthday? And then the morning of your birthday you wake up and realize Hey, I'm still alive, I didn't magically turn into something else? And the throughout the week (month, year) this incredible wave of nostalgia hits and you remember life events and different people in your life. There's a certain head trip in that now you are thirty/forty you can't put up with the immaturity of someone younger than you. You see your life in review and can judge yourself as to how sucessful or unsucessful you have been.

It is quite possibly a huge trap for an aspie. Try to ride the wave and not get sucked in to the current. Be kind to yourself and see the good in yourself. If you loose your balance, then you will feel like your symptoms are getting worse.[/quote]

Thank you for putting it more eloquently into words then I could ever hope to. It feels more like I can't put up with imaturaty period regardless of age. I have trouble tolerating emotional or irrational people. I have noticed I make far less eye contact then I usualy do, and I have absolutly no tollerance for falsehoods, manipulations or fancy language (say what you mean dammit!). Other people have started to notice, my little quirks, and comment on them. I just cant seem to stop being me. i mean, I like me, but being myself all the time isnt socaly benifical in most situations. Problem is, I cant figure out If its always been this way, and I just didint notice? or If this is something new that I need to seek help with?

I still think I need to dye my hair. maybe that will help me be fake. if nothing else it would distract people. (I'm a natural redhead, and I'm getting sick of it)

After I turned 30 (30 and 10 months to be precise) I realized that I had changed. It happened one day at work when a client was upset with the manager for not meeting a deadline. I went ahead and negotiated a new deadline and the client from then on only wanted to talk with me.
I was amazed at what I could do with people. That could've never happened before in my 20's.
However I still have my stims, I still take things literally, I'm not good in social situations, I enjoy spending most of my time alone, an many more, too many to list. By the way, I ended quiting that job anyway because we got a new manager that tried to change me to another department. By then I was tired of faking it.
it's been posted before in WP that people on the Autism spectrum who learn how to cope and keep doing it for years at one time they will get tired of faking it or no longer will be able to fake it.

It was interesting to read about looking back at age thirty because that was so long ago for me. And at that time I had never heard of AS and had no idea who I really was.

" I stim all the time,"

What's wrong with stimming? I got into a habit of rolling balled-up rubber bands obsessively in my fingers. My daughter teases me about it, but she hand flaps and I don't. As long as you can "stim" in a way that's not distracting to other people then "stim" away.

"I cant stand having any social interactions"

I guess one awkward thing is that if you get settled into life as a parent then your social interaction can become narrower. This can be more comfortable because you only meet people in a context where you're going to talk about your kids. But it also means that you lose touch with your own independent identity and become more uncomfortable in any situation where you are supposed to just "be yourself".

"I have a very hard time dealing with my NT daughter who's constant emotional breakdowns"

Yeah, those NTs with their meltdowns ...

Is it possible that she's not that different from you and suffers from the same stresses you would experience in her life?

I have one daughter who is exceptional in several ways and was diagnosed with AS. She's anti-social and scores highly on logical tests. I have another daughter who has some talents, she's shy but not anti-social, she's a good student, but no genius according to the tests. Yet in many ways she's just like her sister. The difference between AS and NT is subjective.

Anyway, if your daughter is experiencing breakdowns then maybe it's worth stepping back and figuring out why this happens.

"Now I feel like I'm second guessing every choice I have ever made."

I'm no expert, but I think that will just lead you into depression.

Life at 30 is what it is.

With 2 kids you've got to focus on the future.

"I like me"

That's really important.

"Or maybe I'm just old enough now that I'm getting tired of "faking it" all the time."

I feel like this, but in a positive way. I don't need to pretend to be somebody I'm not. I'm comfortable with myself. If somebody asks about my life then I can give them a factual answer. I'm tired of faking it, but I longer have to.

" I have trouble tolerating emotional or irrational people."

I got a lot better at this because over time I came to understand my own weaknesses and irrationality. Nobody's perfect and people are often most aggressive when they feel weakest. If you recognize this then it's easier to avoid having a bad conversation ruin your day.

30 is so young. I hope you post a follow-up when you're 40.

Good luck ...

I found many things got much better as I got older. In some ways I feel like a different person. I think it may have to do with late developing. I understand the world better and can relate more easily to other people. I've learned a lot from the Internet. Seriously.

But problems with anxiety have gotten much worse as I've gotten older, and those tend to exacerbate my "symptoms." I'm less frightened of "unreal" things (no longer scared of the dark most of the time, or freaked out by commercials for scary movies) but far more frightened of potentially real threats, like being robbed.

the stimming is a problem because i'm constantly doing it. sometimes It can get self-destructive, or just plain weird. I'm mostly concerned because I never used to do much more then bounce my legg, or figit. now I cant seem to stop feet rubbing, nail picking, hair chewing, hand wringing, and lots of subtle rocking that is getting not so subtle as the days go on. So its a concern, yes. but not because of the stimming, because of the frequency and intenisty of it. (and my inablility to hide it now).

I only make the distinction that my daughter is NT, because it puts special stressers into the equasion that might be important. she is a person, I dont go much further then that as far as distinction goes. I mention her emotional freakouts because Nt's have different ones then I do. My DD will freakout If I dont give her the kind of emotional attention she wants. (she is 7 by the way, breakdowns are normal at this age). I usualy dont have a problem with it, and just be as patient with her as possible. I'm just loosing my tollerance for Nt behavior, even in my wonderful Daughter. (I know, she is 7, some of this is perfectly normal). But I'm getting tired of her demanding emotions out of me that I just dont have. (not to worry, she still gets lots of hugs and attention, she just isnt allowed to jump people and hug them without permission)

As far as my social interactions go. I especialy do not want to talk to other parrents about their kids. they do not (Imho) care/know/or accept their children as individuals.Maybe If I knew some more supportive parrents then my opinion will change, but most of the parrents Ive met seem to only take a passing intrest in their children. they dont seem to ever spend time with their children, and when they do, its either heavy on disipline, or to "hang out". they seem incapable of being parrents or people, and are very touchy about anything different, different experiences, different ideas, and different parenting stratagies. It all falls into the catagory of emotional/irrational people.

My in-ablility to hide is very badly timed, and is starting to be met with alot of agression from my inlaws, and other not so close family members and friends. Its become less of "oh, she just likes weird toys" to "why the hell are you playing with toys all the time". Ive been getting strange comments about my looks and health from my mother in law, and I'm not sure if i should take her seriously or not. I feel like no matter what I do, I just cant hide my stimms anymore (even the rocking chair isnt helping atm). Ive been getting yelled at for not making eyecontact, and spending "too much time with the baby" (If that is even possible). Ive been told to "get out of the house, get a sitter, go do something for you", exc. Its getting to the point where I am having angry arguments with people about it. maybe thats all part of having In laws, and a new baby, I dunno. I love my son. I love my daughter. I love my house, and my family, and I'm not in any hurry to leave the kids with a sitter so I can " go have a good time" i'm having a great time right now. I've just in a bit of a funk for a few days.

It feels so strange to be happy with yourself and your life, and yet want to change everything so badly. I realy hope that it will settle down soon, and just let me turn 30 next year in peace. untill then I'm going to avoid people as much as possible. (maybe I'll hang a sign on the front door..."Not comming out till I'm 30" lol)

Most definitely. Sometimes between 30 and 40.

I think one part is being more tired (still have depression, have physical illness, getting older), so where I did have skills in the past, I don't. I really suck at those things taking a lot of executive functioning, say take care of my danged home. It's plain... hard.

Also I need more time for myself to go through my thoughts what has happened that day, before I would thought nothing happened, but now everything seems important and needs processing.

I need more time to myself. People tire me more.

Many as they get older take themselves less serious. So have I. I'm more easily fascinated by things, more interested in toys (plushies), the swings, merrygorounds and being childish. Some of those things could be considered stimming.

I also FEEL more autistic, I can't describe it but I sure didn't feel like this when I was 25.

I also lost some skills in coping with NTs and slipped into some kind of truthful, honest attitude. I never had a prob lying when I was younger. Over all my interaction with others is harder because I'm more and more believing some things are just wrong. People get upset with me more often.

Everything ran a little smoother when I was younger. I miss that.

I do not think that turning 30 makes your symptoms worse. I have found that the more life experience you get the more self aware you become. You begin to notice how you affect others. I have 3 children (1 NT daughter and 2 AS sons) and the experience of being a mother has made me able to better interact with other people.
I have always been a solitary person. I have trouble expressing the appropiate emotions for different situations.
I have always interacted with my children as though they were adults and have a hard time dealing with their emotions. I have had to make a conscience effort to understand them.

It may be anxiety, but lately I seem much more fixated on routine than I ever remember being before. Like, I've been going to the library before the gym on Sundays, mainly because it's closed F&S, so I usually have things to pick up on Sunday. But today I have something else I need to do, so decided I should go tomorrow instead. And it's *wigging me out*!

I have found my symptoms have mellowed out the older I got. The sensitivies I had as a child are almost gone. I guess my social interactions have stayed about the same. I care less about it now though, so that makes it appear more mellow.

Being at home all the time with no communication and no will to work towards proper daily routine. I feel I'm already at the peak of my autistic symptoms and I'm not even 30 yet.

If anything, age and experience have made things easier for me.

Hi there,

You are not alone. Please read this document that was given to me here on WP

Help! I seem to be getting more Autistic

I was 36(2010) when dx but lost the plot at the end of 2007 without anyone really knowing why. Had psych admission and a Bipolar II dx. That has since been partially retracted since the AS dx.

Take care and keep talking.

Mics

I am in college right now and I think my issues got better. I mean I have much better social skills and I don't put myself on the spot at all, unlike how I did back in high school. Plus I can get along well with others and socialize with some of my classmates pretty well. Also, I have finally realized I need to start getting good grades to go head to a 4-year university, instead of just b/s ing around in life. I am also more serious and priority-minded lately as well.