getting a vasectomy at 27

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I've been thinking about a vasectomy for a couple years. I'm 27, and 100% sure I don't want kids. In addition to my AS, my older brother has accute classic autism. My father is suspected to be on the spectrum. In other words, I have been told by a doctor that the chance of my having a kid with autism is extremely high. More importantly, I just don't want kids. Ever. Nothing against kids, especially autistic kids, I just can't handle it and it isn't who I am in any way shape or form.

Now then....

I don't want any surprises. I don't want a financial burden for 18+ years. I know I will still need to use condoms unless in a committed relationship. My thinking is basically, why not do it if I am already this sure.

Any other AS guys have this done? Thoughts?

i'm not a guy but i know in canada they don't let you get a vasectomy if you don't already have kids. you may also want to consider your future partner and the fact that you may want kids later on. no kids is a dealbreaker for a lot of women looking for serious relationships. in my observation men don't really start wanting kids until they are a bit older, more mature and stable which is probably not a stage you have reached yet at your age. not trying to tell you not to do it, just throwing a woman's perspective out there for you.

oh, one more thing.. most people don't really want kids or the responsibility until they have them and then they can't imagine not having them.

I am in Canada. I get what you are saying, I think.

Part of the reason I am so sure about this is discussions with my mom. She has told me that knowing me as well as she does, that kids are not for me. They are great, but not for me.

I don't like the idea of it being a deal breaker with a woman. However, I think my AS does affect my prospects for a successful relationship that would lead to a discussion of children. So I don't know if this is going to happen anyways. I am very uneasy about the idea of me being in that situation, and "bullied" into having kids. I have heard other guys with kids tell me this is what happened. I don't want that.

This may or may not change in the future, but I am fairly settled in a career as a union construction worker. We work on the road. A lot. Most guys are divorced. They are also paying child support. I do not want this.

I don't want to seem rude, but is it necessary to get a vasectomy not to have kids. I'm 33 now and feel it is extremely unlikely that I will have kids, especially as I also seem to be asexual, but I dont think I would consider getting a hysterectomy unless I needed it for another reason, it just seems superfluous?

Also part of me feels that perhaps you want to remove the option to have kids in case you might get tempted later on?

But truthfully, if you were to end up with a ladee who wanted kids you'd have to consider whether you were in the right relationship anyway because it isn't really something you can agree to disagree on.

One thing Ive allways wondered about vasectomies, if the sperm cannot be released, does that leave you with a permanently full gun that longs to be emptyied but never can be?
A life of permanent sexual desire that cannot be satied?

Nothing wrong with not wanting children, especially if you have good reasons.

Yes, it will limit your dating field, but it's perfectly possible to find a like minded partner (I did and I know others happy with this choice).

If you're very sure about it and considered it thoroughly (including the consequences) you should do as you think. I've stopped discussing this with others from early on as I instantly got swamped with stupid, self-righteous remarks about how selfish I am, how I will certainly change my mind, how I don't know what I'm missing and will live to regret it etc. God knows why people think there's only one way to be happy and why are they so aggressive about it.

Long story short it's a private decision and you shouldn't let others pressure you just because you make an unpopular choice. You're the one who will live with the consequences so the least you can do is make your own decisions after careful consideration.

Good luck.

I did it at 22 and I never regretted it. Probably one of the few good decisions I ever made.

No. The semen is still released. There just aren't any sperm cells in it.

To the OP: Good luck. And if you find a way to persuade a doctor to give you a vasectomy, PLEASE let me know how.

To be quite blunt, I would rather crawl through broken glass every day for the rest of my life than to ever have a kid. I'm 31, I've ONLY had sex with condoms, I've been absolutely certain about this since I was a teen, I have zero interest in increasing the out-of-control population any more than I already have by being born, and I simply do not like kids. I didn't like them even when I was one. Sorry if I sound crude here, but I find it extremely annoying when people try to change the minds of those who enjoy being childfree.

Rapid population growth is bad, but rapid decline may also be bad. I thought that someday I probably would have a vasectomy possibly after having 1 or 2 kids. It wouldn't make sense for me to do that now because I'm not sexually active so nothing is gained in doing it now. I'll pretty much go along with whatever my eventual wife wants, limited to 2 for obvious reasons. If she doesn't want kids or can't have them, I'll go along with that too.

When I was younger I was uncomfortable and poorly accepted by children. This has relaxed, and I get along well with my nephews and also with my cousin's kids, so I'm now convinced I don't want to close the door on this and I don't want to prevent my eventual wife from experiencing a normal part of her biological functioning if she wants this.

If you are 100% sure. ( be honest with yourself). Then go ahead. It's a big decision. I did not want kids untill I was 30. After my wife had our son we knew one was enough for us. So I got mine done.
Some people might tell you it does not hurt. This was not my case at all. It hurt like a mother f@#$%! !! !! !! ! Only for about 2 minutes. not the cutting. but when they were " inside" it felt like someone was pulling my stomach out of my junk!! !! !!
I have heard people say "it feels like a tugging sensation" for me it was more like they picked my up by my testicals.
I actually had a pretty quick recovery. ( follow the Dr's instructions to the letter)
2 guys I know from work both got infections or injured themselves because they didn't follow the no lifting instructions.

Plan on sitting around for 3 or 4 days. Get lots of books or movies and just chill with the ice pack.

Sex feels no different.

i agree it's not a good idea to be bullied into having kids. people in new relationships generally discuss stuff like that, as you probably know already, and then once each ones goals and expectations are out on the table they have to evaluate their relationship and make the decision to either compromise or move on. i just meant that a lot of women 'crave' being a mother because passing on their genes is a need to them and those women will overlook a man who has had a vasectomy as a mate regardless of if they feel they would be good together. again, totally your decision. i know a lot of people that should have had vasectomies because they don't have what is needed to fulfill the role of father, including my oldest childs father who was also autistic. your mother is right, some people should not have kids and should enjoy them from afar but it is a decision you should make for yourself and not base it on your mothers opinion. my mother once told me i was not cut out to have children and i now have 3 biological kids, 2 step kids and i raised my nephew for several years as well. situations change and people change..... in the end you have to do what is right for you, and if you are 100% certain it's the right thing to do then good luck to you on finding a doctor who will help you out with that. if you have any doubt or wonder about changing your mind in the future then put it off for another year or two until you have had more time to think about it. also, vascectomy in some cases are reversible and if you do become desperate for a child in the future there are other options, you could donate the sperm surgically even if you are 'fixed', adopt, get a donor, ect. it is a big decision!

No. But if you're one of the unlucky 14% whose epidIdymi don't absorb spermatozoa very well, a decade or two later things may get a little uncomfortable. I'm thirty years on from mine now and last year after a decade of groin tenderness had one of them (the epididymi) removed.

Been thinking about it myself for a while too.

Not in a hurry as I have no relationship at present.

I have genetic predispositions to mental health issues and doubts about my fathering abilities.

I think you're referring to a tubal litigation (wherein the fallopian tubes are severed as a form of contraception), not a hysterectomy (where all or part of the uterus is removed for health reasons). A vasectomy is a much simpler and safer procedure than a tubal and a vasectomy can be reversible while a tubal cannot.

Good luck getting a doc to do it, you may have to do a lot of explaining to get them to see your point. My husband did, at age 30 when we were engaged.

Neither of us has ever, even for a second, regretted not having kids. I agree that you should not go for a situation where you'd feel pressured into having them. If you have a committed relationship, it should be where you both agree on something as fundamental as this.

Space, I had a vasectomy years ago, when I was about your age. Here are the key things I remember.

(1) Pain. The most painful part was when they administered the local anaesthetic. It felt like someone was jamming needles into my groin, because that is what they were doing . Once everything was numb, I didn't feel a thing. I took paracetamol- / acetaminophen-codine tablets for a couple of days afterwards, and then switched to ibuprofen because I was experiencing a lot of inflammation (which the ibuprofen quickly cleared up).

(2) Interpersonal difficulties. I need to preface this by noting that I had this procedure done before I knew about autism/Asperger's. I knew I had problems with communication and social interaction, but I did not yet understand the full extent of those problems. At that time I was also experiencing a lot of stress in my life, mostly due to the fact that I had been trying, and failing, to be "normal" for so many years. Anyway, I had to interact with quite a few different people throughout the process, and I probably seemed weird. There were two incidents that still stand out in my memory.
(2a) First, before the operation was scheduled, I had to meet with the nurse practitioner associated with the urological surgeon. I completed some forms, and she explained the procedure and performed a basic physical examination. At some point during this, she was looking at the forms and said, "You're not married and you don't have any children. Why are you here?" I replied, "Because I do not want to have any children." I must have said it in an angry tone of voice, because she replied, " OK" in a tone of voice like "OK. Chill. Don't have a cow." I had a similar interaction with a different nurse just before the operation. I hate it when people ask me that question (see 3, below).
(2b) Second, in order to make sure the operation was successful, they need to check your seminal fluid for spermatozoa several weeks later. This required that I produce a fresh sample, and drop it off at their office/ lab. So early one morning, before going to work, I am standing in front of a clerical (nurse's?) desk, in a large medical complex, with a line of people waiting behind me, and other people sitting nearby, and I have to explain to the woman behind the desk why I am there, and what this plastic jar I am handing to her is. I had put the jar in a brown paper bag with my name and patient ID number on it, but they had their own special bag that I had to put jar in, along with a label to fill out and stick on. I found the whole situation to be so uncomfortable that I never bothered to have the second check done (which would have been several weeks after the first).

(3) Existential issues. In a way, the primary purpose of every living organism is to replicate its DNA by producing some sort of offspring. When you get sterilised, you are stepping off this track. As far as your genes are concerned, you no longer serve a purpose — your continued existence is pointless. In addition to going against millions of years of biology, you are also going against thousands of years of human culture. I learnt a long time ago not to tell people that I do not want to have children, because people react very negatively (like Sallamandrina mentioned). My pissed off reaction the the nurses' questions (see 2a, above) was probably a reflection of the negative comments and questions I had received from others over the years.

(4) Was it worth it? In a bit of irony, I have not had a lot of use for my modified equipment since then, if you know what I mean. Although I had girlfriends before the procedure, my romantic relationships did not go well. These days I still think about dating again, but most of my time and energy is spent just trying to get by in this world. It often feels like my level of functioning is getting worse with age. I can't even be bothered to deal with escorts.

If you can not get it done in Canada, I am sure you can find someone in the USA who will do it. Just explain your situation to them (i.e. you are Canadian, but Health Canada won't help) and offer to pay them in cash, cashier's cheque, by bank wire transfer, or however they want it. Expect the procedure to cost about US$1000 to $3000, plus travel expenses. I have heard of "medical tourists" from the USA going to Mexico, so that might be another, less expensive, option.

(Side rant. You work, you pay taxes, and they won't do it? WTF?!? Would the Canadian government prefer it if you had half a dozen children, with different mothers, and went on welfare? Please consider filing complaints about this idiotic policy.)