Percieved Hostility

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One of the major things about AS that i find the most disturbing and upsetting is the apparent hostility of people towards me for reasons i cannot fathom. for example at my workplace i do my best to fit in, i am very quiet but i smile at people as i pass ( at least i think im smiling, someone told me once its more like a grimace) and will always step aside to let people through doors first etc etc. I dont do anything im aware of that anyone would find offensive and yet when i pass someone they either look away or if they do look at me its with such a disdainful or hostile expression. Another thing that has bugged me for a long time is that if i say hello to someone they will answer, but they NEVER say hello first. Now i just just take routes that avoid people altogether. I keep telling myself that i shouldnt care what they think of me, but it doesnt work, it always upsets me deeply.
Am i being paranoid, oversensitive, both? or does anyone else experience something similar.

It could be paranoia. I am always ignoring things around me and pretend I don't notice because I am afraid of being paranoid. I just don't care what people think is why. Just as long as they leave me alone, I don't care.

maybe it's a humour thing wanting you to open up and not be so serious? I don't know, I experience the same thing. After I've caught up with a friend I feel hurt and then surprised that they contact me again to hang out.

I've experienced this for many years as well, ever since I was a child. There are probably many reasons why this might happen. Perhaps a lot of people are sensing that you are different in some way and, if that is the case, then they respond with the typical tribal reaction of fear and hostility, because you are considered to be not a member of the tribe. Anyone who is different is usually targeted as a potential enemy within the tribal mentality. Unfortunately, although most people in this world today feel that they are far from the tribal mentality, the reality is that they aren't.

Too, there is often a response of fear and hostility from people who are afraid of your skills, or knowledge, or way of thinking. Again, this their fear response towards you because you are not like them. To most people, anyone who if different is "not of the body", to put it in Star Trek terms, and therefore a potential danger. I know that this all sounds very primitive, but the truth is that most people are still mired back in the stone age.

I wrote an unpublished paper on this subject a while back and a friend who read it agreed with my conclusions, as she had experienced the same things and had similar thoughts as to the cause of this fear response.

I was nearly thrown down a flight of stairs in high school for some perceived slight that I had no idea I made. Danger of life I suppose.

I had the same problem with my classmates in grade school (I haven't noticed such problems in college, where my attempts to be freindly seem to be well accepted). When I tried to be friendly, the range of reactions from my peers ranged from indifferent to hostile. If I approached people to talk to them, they would engage in the conversation but no one would talk to me otherwise. I was quite the recluse because of this and am still struggling to get out of my personal bubble.

this most likely is due to the 'aspie stare', the way we look at others, especially if we try to fake eye-contact, is often percieved as hostile, while not making eye-contact and the, typically, slouched way of walking give off an air of 'leave me alone'.
these two combined result in what you described in the opening post; i also get that when i am with people i dont know, but my friends and closer peers i told about these issues and told them that if i'm not willing to be spoken to, i wont be there, so they adapted into ignoring most of the aspie stare effects.

Yup. Happens ALL THE TIME. My cousin's wife put it better than I've ever heard it put back in high school: "Well, um, I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but, um, well, you're, um, kind of weird and, um, actually no one really likes you."

And, yeah, I think this is pretty much the reason why:

I've been reading what You wrote in here and i have to admit that i have similar observations towards social interactions and structure. Compeering social interactions to a tribal behaviors is a bullseye. The most interesting thing for me is that NTs cannot see this obvious conclusion. My personal experience is also that, when I try to talk abut all the laws that i notice in others people behavior, they become very nervous. Like I would broke their glass ball of pretences.
Recently i found a great book that describes those rigid behaviors. It's "What Do You Say After You Say Hello?" by Eric Berne and his other books about Transactional Analysis. It's an eye opener. It helps to understand why NTs need these behaviors to feel good (literally). It also helps to learn them.

By the way AspieWolf . I am really interested about the paper that You wrote. Could You share it with us?
BTW2 Sorry for my English, I don't use it a lot.

I agree with the above posts. I find the hostility comes from simply deviating from the whole. Try to fit in, by doing what people expect from you, but dont overdo it and let it come naturally. If you try too hard to be like everyone else, you will just stand out more, because people already accepted you as different.

Oh yes, I've experienced this, but much less as I've gotten older.

The most difficult thing for me was accepting that, even though it wasn't intentional, I was most certainly causing it myself. It was either that or concoct a gigantic worldwide conspiracy against me. As appealing as that theory may be .. ha ... I guess I'll accept the responsibility myself.

Once I'd accepted it, I was at least on the right track to finding some sort of solution I can live with. I will never be "Sociable Sam", but I don't have to be constantly triggering hostility, either. I practiced making my face look friendlier. And by the way, I think that if you look friendlier, you will feel friendlier. Some kind of reverse kinesthetic thing going on there. I don't know the psychological whys and wherefores of it, but I have no doubt it's true.

I also practiced moving the emphasis outward during personal interactions. By that I mean, focusing on the other person and their reactions/thoughts/emotions, and not on me and my reactions. People like to talk about themselves, and they will be disposed more kindly toward you if you seem interested in them.

And finally, it was important to me to acknowledge that I need people. I think when anyone says they "don't care what other people think", they're deluding themselves, and furthermore they're setting themselves up for isolation. It's a defensive posture, one that I think inhibits our growth as human beings.

Anyway, the perceived hostility thing is definitely real. But it can be dealt with, and it can be worked on.

well said Stone Man

Big YES.