I don't know how to be in my 30s

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I'm a late bloomer and was playing catch-up for most of my twenties. I think I finally got the hang of knowing how people in their early- to mid-20s are up to (having entry-level jobs, living away from parents, drinking a lot of beers, etc)... but then I turned 30, and all of a sudden I feel like I'm behind again. I think for someone on the spectrum I'm doing OK as far as living independently goes, but I hate how immature I still come across in real life. I'm not even sure what I do exactly, but people at work refer to me as "the kid," even though many of my coworkers are younger than me (some are 20 years old) and I know I don't look THAT young.

I guess I hate knowing that, no matter how much I've improved emotionally and socially, I will always be "behind" in comparison to other people my age.

You will mature but it will take another few years yet, just enjoy how you are now.
It is inevitable that you will mature and it will be sooner than later.

I don't know how to be in my 50s. Just go at your own pace. You don't want the candle to burn too early.

People still call me a child and I am in my 30's. I look, dress, (and probably act) much younger then I am. Last time I went out with my best friend and her husband they thought I was their child! I've had people think my boyfriend was actually my dad, and I always get carded at the bar.

LOL....Do yourself a favor, and glory in your youth.

As long as you don't act immature--in the sense of throwing tantrums in public and all that, you're okay.

The alternative sucks. I'm in my 50's, and I'm losing my hair and getting fat.

Keep yourself young, at all costs!

What's the point of getting your 30s -right-?

I was in my early thirties, had just had my third child, was living with my husband 3000 miles from home and some telemarketer called up and asked for my mother. It's actually good to be considered young. People expect less from you. I was unbelievably naive until my late forties. I learned a lot online. I'm in my fifties and now people think I'm older. Be where you are developmentally. It's not a race. You will grow old before you know it so enjoy yourself and don't compare yourself to that imaginary other.

Look at it another way everyone else got really old too quickly

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i have always been inside my own subjective reality, so i can not see the subjective transition from being childish to being mature.
i always felt simply like "me" no matter what age i was at, and if i try to see my life from an objective point of view, i can see that i am different now than i was at 12, but from within my own minds eye, i never have changed.

getting married/girlfriend and getting a good job should not be goals, but by-products of your normal being from day to day.

i always knew that i needed money to feel secure, and so i worked out how to get it and i got it. in the process, i attracted some girls who liked that i was just following my nose through life, and they wanted to come along with me for the ride (for whatever reason they had) and i accepted them as friends who could come to my house and i became interested in them because we were in similar mental worlds regardless of our backgrounds.

i give little consideration (none actually) to what is the stage of achievement i should have attained according to my age. if i feel good and can afford what i want, then i am happy.

it is obvious that you have to work out ways to get money, but that in itself is a game of sorts, and kind of fun.
i always made money no matter how mature i was. if you can do what people need, then they will pay. for me it was software development, and i liked doing it and i still do it for my own private benefit (experience enhancement), and it just is a natural progression of being as you feel if you do not interfere with it by agonizing over it in a comparative state of mind..

I feel the same thing - ie. that to be able to hold a conversation with people as I grow older or to be functional in a semi-social atmosphere that I have to develop in tandem with them. Part of the problem is that I haven't been married, likely never will, don't have kids, I have relatability issues well above and beyond my ASD, and I'm starting to consider the possibility that I'm screwed. There really might not be much I'll be able to do at all aside from keeping my mouth shut and just not sharing myself with people.

It's less about raw immaturity and more I think about a lack of common sculpting issues. Even if failing the shibboleths doesn't portend immediate abuse the way it did in our teens and early 20's it's still one of those where you know that if you get a certain kind of silence from people that you've said something tantamount to social suicide and that you've abdicated your adulthood in so many words. A lot of us are in a no-win situation because if we keep our mouths shut we're spooky, if we open our mouths we might be able to float for a while but the differences in how our lives have shaped our thinking starts coming out. Anymore I'm starting to feel like I have an obligation to recede back into myself.

Resigning to stop talking or let others do the talking is not the answer that it seems like. It may seem like on the surface you are protecting yourself from putting your foot in your mouth, but I'll tell you that it is complicated. You will attract people who just want to talk all the time and who want to tote you around like a toy dog. While on the surface it will make you appear more "normal," when people stand by you, talking, it will cost you your life. Because that voice inside you that is saying to stop talking or try something new, is going to get totally wiped out.
I'm having trouble being myself in my 30s. I wish I could move to a wealthier area with more highly educated people where I wouldn't wake up every morning and see the same, SUV type lifestyles everywhere. I feel really disconnected from the family of 2+ lifestyle.

I think perhaps rather than shelling up to the point of being vulnerable to people's projections I might just pursue the uber-fake route in most cases unless people really prove that they have more dimensions than the rather authoritarian conformity-deified cult. Even there I've found that a lot of people who are interested in interesting things can still have very toxic eccentricities such as obsessions about the 'weak' needing to be seen but not heard or that they should be grinding grain with the village elders (which they overlay with a painful smarminess when they're 'doing what they have to do' in terms of being 'nice') - in that case they absolutely HATE the idea that a person with a disability could be more intelligent than them and it vents out of them in a lot of reckless and impulsive ways.

I'd think there are people close to us who we need to show love to - ie. parents, siblings to the extent that they'll allow it, and close friends when we have them. Other than that - I'm really considering shutting down to four topics - weather, work, hunting and recreation gear, sports to whatever extent that I can talk about it, and other than that giving the help-me eyes if anyone starts going toward religion, politics, philosophy, or music. The really sad thing about that last part - I spent 12 years of my life learning how to produce and gained a profound understanding and appreciation of music, I've also spent years reading up on religion out to some very nose-bleed metaphysics (Golden Dawn, etc.) but I'm learning these are topics people can't handle and that the most dangerous kinds of people to deal with are those who pretend they can handle these topics or fish around to get a feel for what other people think or believe, you find out that they only know a little bit and are loaded with all kinds of foolish pet-biases in pet areas (a lot of it tribal egotism), and they'll egotistically turn the table on people who have a different opinion.

I found this same thing rather surprisingly with other martial artists. I knew some guys well enough to think I could actually share/compare arts with them and I found out rather quickly, much to my chagrin, that it's all ego and that if you do that they'll not only need to call everything you do arbitarily crap but they'll also need to follow through on strikes to the groin or whatever it is they think they need to do to 'teach you a lesson' - ie. not to tangle with their pet area of supremacy. It seems like this kind of tribal barbarism is everywhere, it might go into hiding perhaps as people head off toward their 50's or 60's and are just too tired to be that arrogant, but I'm it'd still be there nonetheless and need just as much watching.

I know exactly what you mean. I feel so behind everyone my age. I was fine in my early 20s, I was where most people are in high school/college, partying, drinking, f*****g off. Just working whatever jobs I could get so long and s**t was paid. Then all the people I knew just changed seemingly overnight and I feel left behind. I'm still very similar to what I was in my 20s and see little wrong with that. Now I'm even getting left by my wife over it. I just don't really understand what I'm supposed to be in order to be normal.