Living in fear

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Does anyone else suffer from constant fear? Fear of rejection? Fear of being misunderstood? Fear of being bullied or otherwise targeted? Fear of being inadequate? Fear of being unmotivated and unable to achieve goals? Fear of abandonment and handling your difficulties alone? Fear of failure?

I find myself living in constant fear and no matter how bad I want to change this I simply can't seem to help it. Does anyone else have this trouble holding you back from enjoying the best parts of your life without screwing them up somehow?

Is social isolation part of this? Generally, I think that being isolated can greatly enhance fears over time. How connected are you?

Yes. Fear of finding myself in the same crap years down the line. Fear of not achieving my goals. Fear of others (NT's) sabotaging my goals. I could go on!

Fear of my mind going. I think I have the early stages of dementia , and both of my grandparents on my father's
side of the family succumbed to it. That is why I want to have a caretaker, and be kept locked up at night.

I am certainly familiar with grinding, all pervasive fear, sometimes paralyzing. I think some people also describe this as anxiety and it can really impact one's ability to do anything at all, or everything. If you browse the postings on WP, you will find many people experience that fear and anxiety. It seems to be common among aspies. You are not alone.

I've had the fear of abandonment with both my exes & it was one of the reasons those relationships ended. I don't have the problem to bad in my current realtionship because I got on OCD & anxiety medication before this relationship began.

I observe separation from the herd in humans is the root cause of several of the Aspie negative traits. Many Aspies report living in a state of constant fear. They are always on high alert for signs of danger. They exhibit strange behaviors similar to those exhibited by animals separated from their herd. These negative traits include: hypersensitivity to senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch), sensory overload and shutdowns, gastrointestinal problems related to prolonged stress, mental health problems/psychological disorders (depression, self harm, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder), and muscle or vocal ticks.

If you can conquer your fears, many of the negative aspects of Asperger's will melt away.

Some Aspies report that some types of therapy are very beneficial. Therapy targeting fear and stress such as programs that treat PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) help. These include somatic experiencing, beam life coaching, Tipi emotional regulation therapy, and exposure therapy.

Yes, I feel more or less constant fear, though of quite different things from those mentioned by you.

Yeah; I might feel rejection, but if I don't try to relate to others, loneliness will be an absolute certainty.
Yeah; I might get fired, but if I don't try to function at work, poverty will be an absolute certainty.
I cannot control external circumstance; all I can do is do my best, and try to stop worrying about the results. Central to that is not listening to the hateful derogatory defeatist self-talk that's been programmed inside my head.
Every time that endless-loop tape starts playing in my mind, I reply that it's full of s**t. Over time, it becomes much less compelling.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert; Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

Yup, this describes nearly to the letter. It's not just fear of living alone, but living without people who support who, and being surrounded by as*holes who only belittle you and treat you like crap. That's been both my fear and my reality for a very long time and it's one reason I have been so pessimistic and mistrusting of people, which makes people treat me even worse and abandon me even more.

I will give you an example, a large part below is from a post I made earlier.

For many years I refused to ask people out as I felt that because I am so unlucky I will always be abandoned and rejected and I told all my family and acquaintances that I will always be abandoned and rejected.

A few years back, this one girl asked me out on a date in college a couple years back and I cautiously accepted as OI was fully expecting her to ghost me and tell me literally last minute that she couldn't make it. So, I told all my friends and acquaintances that the girl was going to ghost me, so I didn't even expect the date to happen. So to ensure that wasn't going to happen, I called the girl an hour before the scheduled date and asked her if we were still on, and I lied to her saying I was on my way, as I was testing her to see if she would ghost me last minute as I told people who I knew, as they all believed it was going to be my first date, but I was so pessimistic that whenever something good comes my way or has a good chance of happening I always used to say, "Ah, it's too good to be true, so therefore it won't happen, and nearly every time, I ended up being 100% correct, right down to the last detail.

And 20 minutes before the movie date, she called me and told me she had work and couldn't make it. I told everyone I told you so, and then they turned it on me saying I deserved it for being so negative and for thinking so poorly of the girl, but the next few times the same s**t happened, and that b***h was just playing with my emotions as she knew I had autism, and believe it or not, that was exactly what I was expecting from the very beginning. I told the girl on the last day of class, I knew her game and that I wasn't as dumb as he thought of me to be, and I told her the truth that I told all my friends and family I expected her to ghost me. Let's just say she was very "hurt" but I knew it was just an act to make me feel guilty for discovering/knowing the truth. It's why I almost never trust people and the rare times I do, I am always proven why I should not trust people.

Same thing happened with jobs, and every time I expect a rejection, no matter how well I do on my interview or how well my resume looks, I still get rejected/denied, and sometimes, they deny me telling me I am not the right candidate, even though I am extremely qualified for the job and have lots of experience, so I do what I usually do and tell people, I told you so and I also predict that they would victim-blame me, so I also record myself predicting that, so when they do, I would play the recording of my prediction back to them, making them eat their own words.

But I was later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I knew why I was so distrusting of others, pessimistic, and why I would go to such great lengths to avoid abandonment, rejection or being put down constantly. I was told by my therapist that it was because of my family who always belittled me, and who ignored my emotional needs why I became so mistrusting and pessimistic and impulsive as doing things spontaneously and predicting negative made me feel better, as I felt I had some control or awareness of what is to come.

BPD can be very overwhelming and it's not just the fear of abandonment and rejection, but the wide range of emotions that come along with it, as well as impulsivity and catastrophic thinking.

I dont. I'd get frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed, hurt, wary... But fear isn't common to me.
My sense of fear is quite screwed compared to other autistics. There is a point that I should've need and express it -- but it just doesn't come. Or if it comes, except it's largely inappropriate and easily conquerable.


The closest thing I'd constantly fear is fear for others, and I'm more worried about others worrying for me.
I'd say, do not reject fear. Understand it, accept it, find a way to work around or digest it through -- but to act wrongly on it is another thing, to be manipulated by it is also another.

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When I was little I suffered from a lot of rejection, being misunderstood, being bullied, being inadequate, being unmotivated & unable to achieve goals so I'm kind of used to them as a result & don't usually fear them.