Question for adult men 40 and up.

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I'm not quite sure how to put this, but I will give it my best shot. I have this guy who is just a friend of mine and he is 50 years old and he looks for 19 and 20 year old women to date from the internet. He is not wealthy; in fact he is disabled with a very limited income. Needless to say, he has not had any 19 or 20 year olds interested in him. I'm not interested in this friend in a romantic sense. My question is this "Do you, as an adult man aged 40 or over, still wish that you had much younger women to date?" I think I have pretty much decided that I'm better off just having friends and activities because as much as I would like to find a significant other, it's almost embarrassing to be 37 and still looking. I can't help but wonder if men who are in a long-term marriage or relationship with a woman about the same age often find themselves wishing that they had a 19 year old in bed with them instead of their current partner. Sorry if that sounds crass but I would really like to know. If you are in a long term marriage or relationship do you still find your partner/wife desirable? What traits does she have that have kept you interested in her for a long time? What compensates for the fact that youth is no longer there? Maybe I'm better off not finding anyone.

That's a very interesting question autisticdiva. I hope you get lots of replies. C'mon guys, tell it like it is!

Well, I'm in your friend's age range, and I don't pine for younger women, but I'm married and somewhat asexual. I doubt Aspie's are more likely than other men to desire much younger women, but that said, a lot of men do seem to prefer women younger than themselves. It may be that your friend is going through 'mid-life crisis'. In Aspie men this might even be more painful than for NT's, because so many Aspie men never experienced the joys of adolescent and young adult dating, and therefore their 'crisis' is less about recapturing what is lost, than about experiencing something they never had. This is all speculation, but my own mild mid life crisis brought about feelings something like these.

I'm curious about the answer(s) to this question too. Sometimes I wonder if some older men see younger women as status symbols, but I'm not making any assumptions because I'm not a man of that age group.

(Ahem)

As a gent of that age, I am quite happy with my wife. We've been married 17 years. She loves me very dearly, and I feel the same about her. Now, I do notice the girlies, but my oh my, 19 & 20 ??? I have shoes that are older than that.

If something ever happened to my wife (God forbid) I might date younger women, but that would mean 45 year olds.

What does TM do that keeps me interested?? That's difficult to pin down. She respects me, and cares about me, and we share so many interests... As you might guess, after 17 years we've come to know each other quite well indeed.

I work on a college campus. I’m surrounded by older teenagers and 20-somethings. Sometimes I think about them. There’s another guy in my department about my age, incidentally also named Mark. When I imagine him with one of these young ladies, it put such thoughts right out of my mind. I don’t feel like I’m closin’ in on 50. I just barely feel like an adult. Perception is an odd thing.

My wife was 12 years older than me. My girlfriend is 14 years younger than me. Not that unusual for an aspie. I’ve always associated, almost exclusively, with people 5 to 10 years younger than me. I was friends with my wife’s son for two years before I met her. He’s 13 years younger than me.

Do I want to have sex with a 19-year-old? Well, it’s nice to think about, but realistically…? C’mon!

As an adult I realized I could’ve been having a lot more sex when I was a kid if I hadn’t been trying so hard to have a relationship. The last thing in the world I want is a relationship with someone whose parents are younger than I am. Also, I don’t need to be datin’ a kid with less than half the life experience I have.

I asked my wise NT neighbor and best friend for 30 years (who is 5 years younger than me) if he thought I should be dating a 27 year old. He said, “It depends. I don’t think you should be pursuing someone that age, but if she’s pursuing you, then sure, have fun…!”

I have admired attractive women from those in their 20's (guessing the age because of the social setting I saw them in), all the way up to their 60's.

I have had relationships with women my own age up to 9 yrs older than me.

I recently divulged my interest in a co-worker who is 31... I am 47.
I wouldn't have done that if I still believed her to be in her mid-20's like I had. when I found out her age, I felt a bit better about telling what I did.
Still, although I was 'fantasizing' about her liking me back in the same way... I seriously had my doubts.
I certainly worried about being seen as the 'old guy chasing a younger woman'.
What I see in her is not about age though.
Luckily, we are still friends... I do still like her a lot, but I wouldn't want to lose the friendship we have.

When I am feeling a bit hopeful that I can still find someone to be close with, I realistically figure the age span to be something more like... 5 yrs younger to 5 yrs older, although I would consider expanding that range.
But even when I am not feeling very hopeful, I still can fantasize about the women I see around me.

(by fantasize, I am not speaking strictly about or even including, sex, necessarily)

As far as looks...

I do not go for the Vogue Cover look. It's just not my style or interest, although with the right person underneath I guess it could be.

What I really like in a woman is that she takes care of her health, doesn't use makeup to cover up her natural look (which I find much more appealing no matter the 'defects' other's may not like to look at ), and isn't a shallow person around others.
The women I tend to find beautiful are the ones who have a bit of body to them. Definitely confidence is a plus!
I am not comfortable around women (or men) whose identity is coupled with the latest trend, star in hollywood, power group, etc.
I like women who enter relationships with more thought than, "Gee he's a HUNK!" (not that I get that reaction! )

Gotta go pick up the 'other' woman in my life... my daughter! You can bet I'll be watching the kind of guys who show up at the door for her!

Hmm, seems he is trying to victimize women via internet since he can’t do it in person??

Wanting a 19 year old and scoring one are two different things.

First, any 19 year old that is not crushing on a boy around her age has some serious mental issues, most likely abuse or searching for a daddy. Girls that age who are willing to date men over 30, maybe 35, are looking for a meal ticket. Since your friend does not possess a buffet of selection for the little ladies, he can look all he wants, and if he lands one, tehe, she is using him to piss her parents off, since he has no money.

Seriously, keep him away from women his own age because they deserve better.

My bf is 50 something and we have discussed this. Looking at them, only if they are in a seriously attention seeking outfit, and then he only fantasizes briefly as he knows girls this young are chatty and annoying. He has my full permission to look and gawk at whomever he wants as long as at the end of the day I am the one he wants. He said it ruins it for him (jokingly), but he really would not touch a girl under maybe 35, just for intellectual reasons. He would never touch a non cute girl, but not a hot young one.

Your friend is probably going through mid life, pining to be young again and afraid of his future, the never ending doom of aging. Perhaps cut him some slack and talk about what is really bothering him. Find him a nice life transition coach, aka therapist. But most of all, keep him away from 19 year olds. Most likely they are 16 year olds posing, and that means jail time…

OH, PS, by bf says he would never keep up with a 19 year old in bed…

First off, I am a 41 yo married man. I love my wife and do not plan on turning her in on a newer model.

That being said, If I were back in the dating game, I would have no desire to date/have in bed a 19 or 20 yo. I feel that women in my age group give or take 5 or 6 years are a much better option. Part of what attracts me to a woman is mentality, personality and life experiences. I find that woman of that time frame have a better chance of meeting those three criteria and a young lady of 19.

They are pretty to look at, but there are some very pretty and sexy ladies out there in other age groups. You can't have mine though.

I am not 40+, but I think all older men want younger women. Female beauty peaks early (19-24), but men look better as get older. They fill out, skin clears up, gain more muscle, etc. and they hit their peak earning potential in their 40's. So it's pretty common.

I'll be 51 next month. If I went out with a 20-year old woman we'd bore each other to death. The culture difference would be too much. Also, I like some laugh lines. Eyes that show a life well lived are pretty.