Ever since I was a little kid, I've had this compulsion to cut my fingernails, cuticles, and the skin around my fingernails, to the point that I've come to identify it as a form of self-mutilation, . I often sit, sometimes for an hour, cutting away at my cuticles with a pair of fingernail clippers, to the point that they're just an awful-looking mass of hardened, brittle tissue and nail. My fingernails are so short, so whittled down, that I can't even open a can without having to grab my keys or a knife to flip the tab up enough for me to grab it. I couldn't find any decent pics, but my fingers look considerably worse than those of a typical nailbiter.
Not surprisingly, I often feel incredibly self-conscious and ashamed about it. When I have to stand while riding the train and hold onto a rail to steady myself, I try to grab it with one or two fingers and curl the rest into my palm so people don't see it, I'm wary of people seeing it on the rare occasions that I go out with people, try to hide it during job interviews or at work...it's really embarrassing, but I don't know how to stop. I've tried that stuff that makes your fingernails taste bad, but since I'm using fingernail clippers more than my teeth, it's completely ineffectual. The rare occasions that I've been able to stop doing it for a few weeks, the skin becomes even more hardened as it grows back, and I wind up cutting it away and resuming the habit because it's so painful.
Do any other adults struggle with this? How do you deal with it?