help, please

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I forgot to say - Jousting?? That is just too funny!

I'm reminded of some other classically capricious business owners who were just a hazard to everyone.

you are quite right, it is both. i've done a lot of reading on the "syndome" and recognize every bit of it is familiar. on the other hand - the only reason i'm here, alive, and halfway sane is because back in my 20's, a certain group of people refused to give up on me after everyone else had. Statistically, I should be incarcerated, buried in some anonymous corn field, or living under a bridge. It's just not my nature to give up on anyone if there is even a glimmer of real spirit in their eyes. i don't know if he was a psychopath or something else, but i'm going with the "something else." after all, who does it hurt? i'm out. and enough folks in that community know the truth. they'll keep an eye on him. if he f***s up too obviously he'll be outie.

Also- Glad you muddled through with a whole coat. I do wonder if your assailant is a psychopath, though. They use charm to avoid consequences, and according to a rough balance sheet, his lessons from you are that he has a winning pattern. Now that you are safe, it would honor your white knight to at least explain the problem to your old boss.

Opi! So glad to see you back! And it all sounds as though things aren't going half bad. you don't have to make major decisions now, just drink a little wine and eats lots of chocolate.

hi vicky

Well, i detest boston, but i thought i might be interested, didn't make any promises, made the trip.

so now i'm in a house in a relatively safe place, with internet access, and am back posting on WP.

things with ex-H not going very well, but that's to be expected - we divorced for a reason. if i can tough it out for another 6 weeks or so, i can save enough to move to a less expensive area, maybe NC. i am SO sick of pulling up roots and starting over, but i don't know what else to do if this experiment with ex-H fails, and it doesn't look too promising right now.

considering the massive stressors i've been under the last couple of years and particularly the last couple of months, i'm doing fairly well. not (too) depressed, not (unbearably) anxious. don't sleep much. upside is, back talking to my old therapist (of many years) and old psychiatrist, including exploring my self-diagnosis of Asperger's. So i may be "official" sometime soon for whatever that's worth (might be worth something to social security, although i'm already on disability, anything i can do to ironclad that helps me be more secure).

i miss White Hills, but it's starting to heat up there and the mohave greens are coming out, and they kind of scare me, so i'm not terribly upset about leaving just now.

i think Greensboro, NC may be my next landing place. i've wanted to live in NC since i was a teenager. i suspect the things i learned about myself in my hiatus from boston - that i'm outdoorsy, that i'm happiest when i'm actively engaged outdoors during the day doing stuff mostly rural people like to do, then can chill inside and on the internet in the evening - that my values and personality are just not in sync with urban metro-west boston which i already knew - it might actually be a good pick. i can handle bible belt. i found a rooming situation down there that might be ideal if i do go, and if it's available when i do. i found a therapist who is knowledgeable about PTSD if not AS. There's hospitals there where i can find a psychiatrist, hopefully a good one. And a bussing system that will get me where i need to go in town (Whole Foods, supermarket, therapist, etc.) So if it comes to it, i can rent the room out of this guy's house with no lease and get to know the area while i save more money and either buy a truck/motorcycle and move into my own home.

Or, if i end up being able to stay here for a few months, i can also save money and buy a truck, and THEN think about moving (if i still want to).

the big problem is ex-H can't make up his mind whether he can stand to have me living in the house without a guarantee of me being in love with him. and i really can't offer that right now. he's back and forth with it almost every day which is driving me nuts. but i guess i've gotten a lot more resilient through my experiences out west. it's stressful, but it's not taking me down at all. in fact, i think i'm gaining focus and clarity.

i cannot tell you guys how much your support has meant to me while i've been going through this whole thing. i appreciate you don't mind me continuing to post to this thread. i dont' know if i will continue to do so, i probably will go back to regular posting, but it was helpful to me to keep my mind clear when everything around me felt like a whirlwind spinning out of control. So thank you!

mohave greens - had to look that one up. Rattle snakes! OIKS. I love snakes, but I wouldn't want to be around wild rattlers! Of course throw an ex husband into the mix and you've got a whole other kind of problem. North Carolina sounds like a great place to live.