Are you very high-functioning?

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I find that the ackward geniuses or profoundly affected stereotypes makes it difficult for me to tell how "mild" or "high functioning" I am which is probably for the best.

I am my very own type of high functioning. In fact, I seem to do it all my own way. Diagnosed this year.

Bumbled through most of primary school as a "top student" despite my issues with learning to write until around age 10 when suddenly apparently I wasn't quite up to scratch. 12 months of 1-1 support after school and I landed in the middle mix of Secondary school. 5 years of becoming lost, disconnected, confused and point blank disillusioned with life I left with a set of qualifications. After 2, maybe 3 failed attempts at university and an expensive dyslexic diagnosis later, I gave up on education. It simply is not for me in it's rawest form.

I have worked since I was 17, reaching mid level management at 22. For me, work has been my one and only consistent structure. My psyc says I am the victim of my own success. Perfectionism drives me to do well at work, work reinforces my perfectionism. Doh!

I tend to pick the most destructive relationships. As no sensible person would cope with me in their life. Current partner of 2 years saw my ASD before me. He says day 1 apparently? We talk about the adult/life plans to a point and then I have a melt down of self doubt. Discussion over.

I'd say I'm ok-functioning, but not high.

- got a part-time job that I don't hate (had it for 5 years!), but totally wasted my degree
- I live on my own, with my lovely daughter, managing co-parenting with my ex husband pretty well, thousands of miles from my family (so pretty much no support)
- I have free time to pursue my interests and do whatever I please
- I'm well-organized and I can handle my life, chores, bills, health etc
- I have a small circle of friends (not super close, but still) and many occasions to socialize if I have time
- I have a lovely boyfriend, who hasn't yet complained about me being weird
- got savings "just in case" and manage my money well
- I look after myself, eat well, exercise a little, no addictions apart from coffee
- I live among foreigners and communicate relatively well in their language, which is English

I'm actually doing better than many NT people who had similar experiences (abusive relationship, divorce, not a very happy childhood...), so maybe I'm relatively high-functioning, who knows. Now I wrote it all down, I'm feeling kinda positive
But then I realize that pretty much all of my secondary school mates and uni friends are doing way way better - own houses, cars, even PhDs, stable families, really good jobs and the positivity ends. So yeah, just ok.

I don't know how "high functioning" I really am. I have an okay IQ, according to my psychologist high end of average. My EQ sucks! As a side note Queendom has a good 364 question test written by a company that produces EQ tests for HR departments. I am a walking encyclopedia, especially on some of my special interests. I have a girlfriend, but she doesn't live with me, but I do have a roommate. I have only ever lived on my own for 3 months once, and I am 41. I have a job, good paying, but that is because I am given LOTS of leeway and it is in a special interest of mine, the "stereotypical" computers. I could not handle college due to how bad my executive dysfunction is along with my untreated ADHD and not asking for help. I am very poor with money. My executive dysfunction permeates my life. As the psychologist who tested me put it, I needed to fire my executive secretary because they were doing no work. Between my executive dysfunction, not being the greatest at "high functioning" and other mental illness it is becoming quite obvious to me that children are out of the question. I am pretty naive. I have lots of scripts, mimics, and social rules that are unbending and were taught to me as a child/teen that I still follow even though they now cause problems. Those are my only way of interacting with the social world. I get very frustrated with open ended questions, sarcasm, and many jokes as they are very confusing for me. I did not think so, but am finding schedules pay an important role in my life and when they are "LOST" my anxiety goes up and my ability to communicate goes down.

But I can "fake it" for short periods of time in specific social events. Most of the time when I fake it I am still a wall flower and can go the whole event without saying a word if I am not approached. Even if I am approached I am someone who uses simple short answers and has poor conversation skills.

Most of my friends know me as the odd, strange, geeky one. Friends sometimes come over, but I get about 30-60 minutes before I can't handle it any more and will wander off to other parts of my house not to be seen again.

I "look" Neurotypical from a "distance", but if you spend any period of time with me I definitely have "issues". My last boss tried to "fix" me, I think I was one of his pet projects, but he did not have good luck.

If you have a great career, money and family.....what do you have to complain about?

If I could pass as NT with all of what some of these posters have, I'd be thrilled. Sorry but I can't relate to your situations.

Passing as NT comes with a cost: constant stress about whether you are faking it well enough and eventually losing a sense of who you really are.

Undoing all the work I put into my mask has taken years, and I'm only now starting to get a sense of "me."

It's a bit like The Little Mermaid: you lose your real voice and have to be in constant stress. And if you give it up, you risk losing your position, family, and friends. You also have no way of controlling when you'll lose your mask, so when you do, you have nothing to fall back on.

I honestly don't know which is worse: being obviously autistic and being treated differently or trying frantically to be someone you aren't and feeling constantly panicked. I spent the first half of my life in one camp and I've spent about ten years in the other.

Now that I'm comfortable just being me (and out to most of my friends), I don't care much what people think about me. I will not please everyone -- they're just going to have to accept me the way I am. But it's taken me a long time to learn to accept myself and that I'll never be an NT.

I know a lot of people on the spectrum who never questioned themselves like I did, and never changed to fit a mold and who are very successful. Yes, they're good at techie stuff, and that helps -- that world is much more accepting of us.

Yes -- dealing with people without the mask is not easy. For me, it was almost a full-time job for several years to figure this stuff out. And when I get burned out from stress or too much social interaction, I can't manage much of anything.

A big part of this for me has been to be honest about my limitations with people. I accept that I will always be "weird," but if they know to expect that, then they are more accepting. So I freely tell people that I'm not good at picking up social cues, and that I sometimes don't express my feelings in my voice. This is Tony Attwood's advice: let people know what you're not good at, so you can set expectations. But I've also just plain told people I have Asperger's in some cases -- although for more sensitive situations I'll say I'm an "introvert" or that I "have ADD" (I have a lot of overlap with the ADD crowd, but the DSM of course makes the two mutually exclusive, so technically that's not true).

Watching characters on TV like Abed on "Community" and Rosa in "Brooklyn 99" (not necessarily on the spectrum, but there's a lot of overlap) made me feel a lot better about being honest about these things. I know these are fake worlds, but these characters are presented as accepted in their communities, and it really made me realize that it's other people's lack of acceptance that's the problem, not that I'm not a prototypical example of our mainstream culture.

In reality, almost all NT women really dislike me all the same. I can't change that, but I can appeal to their mothering instincts. When we have a longstanding work relationship, I tell the NT women these things about myself -- whichever version I think they can handle, and Asperger's is becoming more and more what I choose -- their attitude toward me really changes, and they become protective.

People who are on the spectrum in a minor way, just traits here and there, really do work well with me, and we have a grand time. I've gotten better at spotting them, and I see them just everywhere now. Asperger actually thought it was more like 1 in 10 had recognizable traits on the spectrum, and that really does seem to be the case where I am (an academic setting).

I'm not high-functioning enough to have been a real success in my life.

I should have done better than I have done.

I think my "disorder" interfered, somewhat, with my ability to lead people.

Glad I found this thread.

I feel I am near the top end of high functioning.

I was diagnosed 4 months ago and no one apart from my wife knows. I will never tell family or anyone else simply as they wont believe me. I have done reasonably well at work and am married, have a daughter and own my own house. I think I would generally pass for NT but would just be seen as very quiet and someone who keeps themselves to themselves.

My AS issues I guess are that I mostly just want to be on my own and don't talk to people much at all. I am fine one on one, if I am comfortable with the person, and in fact can do quite well like that but any more and I find it a bit overwhelming and just close down a bit. Crowds of people are something that I try and keep away from and I used to drink quite a lot to feel more normal/confident but try not to do that so much now as I want to be fit and healthy and I sleep badly when I drink.

I had some big issues with food as a kid where I refused to eat much else but a few things for years then as a teenager I had bulimia and anorexia but they felt more like obsessions, I have some food texture and smell issues now, I just seem like I don't vary my diet much. Also find clothes quite uncomfortable and fiddle with them a lot, shoes and socks are horrible, I get a bit panicky over them as my feet feel trapped!

Also the usual crippling anxiety.

Also had 2 friends from my youth that I kept in touch with and met up with separately 3 or 4 times a year and one now won't respond to my text messages. Nothing for 9 months which makes me feel sad. as they are my only mates.

How do I make more friends when I dont like typical socialising? We get messages around work about social nights out but they are 20-30 of them (nice enough people) getting beered up in town. No thanks!

On being high-functioning? Long story short: "That not able enough, yet not disabled enough" perplexing (caught in the middle) never-never land of sorts!"

At times, I can experience difficulties understanding both neurotypicals (NTs), and others with Aspergers (AS) alike.

Consensus amongst (NTs) and Aspergers (AS) alike too often remains elusive; yet boosting consensus might "break the ice" so to speak!

A suggested starting point: The discussion thread 'In-Depth Adult Life Disc. Thread Topics Often Overlooked.' viewtopic.php?t=335857

Thank-you

I like to consider myself high-functioning, yes. I am a young adult who is studying at college and doing quite well. I am doing some volunteer work in a museum on my special interest (partly as a hobby, but also to gain some self-confidence, as I know I will need it to get a real job later). I still live with my parents, but that's considered normal in my country for people under 25. I have only one friend that I don't see very often, but can usually have a good time talking to my classmates or coworkers, as long as the conversation focuses on something related to work, studies, or some book or TV show I've read/watched.

As for enjoying life, I think I'm usually happy. I do have some depressions, mainly when I'm stressed, but I know how to get out of those moods: I only have to do some exercise, like walking or running while listening to music, and do some work or activity that keeps my mind busy. It works greatly short-term. I might get up feeling down the following day, but if I keep doing the same, the feeling eventually goes away.

I have been told I'm high functioning (by the lady who diagnosed me). I have wife of 12 years and two boys (9 & 7). I have been continuously employed fro 19 years and am NOT rich. However, CBT has helped with anxiety and I would recommend Prozac for this as well. It also allows me to deal with some social situations much better and seems to take the edge off the obsessive side of the condition. Life has moments of happiness (mainly when there are no NT's about).

I'm really high functioning but I used to be terrible. Trial and error got me to the point I'm at now. Well, that and wanting to murder everyone. Anger gave me motivation to learn body language, charisma and generally what things mean. I run my own business now and I'm looking for a second side job.

I still make better friends with other autism people than I do NTs though.