Should an Aspie adult have children?

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My husband and I are chosing to be childless. He has a family history of depression, as do I. I can't stand dealing with irrational people, which children are. And last, sadly, no matter how happy I seem the hell of living inside my own head is not something that I would inflict on another person. The odds of my kid ending up like me or worse is just too much.
Thats just me and my particular situation. With the advances in awareness kids growing up aspie now have a better shot then ever before. My best wishes to all you aspie parents!

Of course aspies should have children. Consider the differences between a world full of aspies and one full of neurotypicals.

Two aspies interacting. Each says what they mean. They use questions and logic to iron out any misunderstandings.

Two neurotypicals interacting. Each approaches the subject with a tangent, filling their communication with innuendo. Then each spends a lot of effort guessing at what the other is saying "between the lines", getting half of it wrong anyway.

Aspie politics: figure out what reasonable goals should be, figure out a realistic way of attaining them, do it.

Neurotypical politics: talk about unrealistic but high sounding goals, pay off supporters with special favors, run roughshod over anyone that doesn't toe the line.

Aspie working: figure out what needs to be done; do it.

Neurotypical working: spend most of the day chatting with coworkers, never actually figure out what really needs to be done.

Aspies should definitely have children. It's the neurotypicals that should have second thoughts.

HAH! I love it!! Thanks for a great point, Psych. Perhaps the problem IS the neurotypicals....

We happen to be dual AS with an AS offspring. Wonderful. Offspring happy healthy - could not have had a better environment or more support and I frankly envy him.

As for odd of AS offspring, I am not finding what discussion of this I have seen too convincing in light of the families I have known.

Your decision, of course - do you want children? But I say pourquoi non?

I am an Aspie with two, soon to be three children. My husband is NT (although at times I wonder) and our children thus far appear to be NT. I was very concerned about being a parent because I am not an affectionate person whatsoever and I prefer to avoid social situations; so I knew I would never be "that mom" dashing off to playgroups and the like. I have always liked children, though; I find them relaxing because they are so accepting and I can talk to them without worrying about whether or not I am conversing properly (I tend to talk too fast and too loud). I am sure some people would be disturbed about how I prepared for parenthood, but it worked really well for me. I researched parenting styles extensively with a single-minded focus that would make any fellow Aspie proud and came to the conclusion that children thrive best in an affectionate environment with involved parents, I got really hooked on the books about attachment parenting (Dr. Sears), and I decided that was the parenting style that I would adopt . I actually ended up making a schedule for myself so that I would remember to hug, kiss, cuddle, and praise my baby. I went from being a person who did not even touch anyone except for my husband to a mother that breastfed, wore my baby in a baby wrap, kissed my baby every hour at least, and maintained a steady stream of monologue with my baby. After awhile, it became second nature and I am quite proud to say that I have two very affectionate, confident, and sociable children so I think I am doing something right. The fact that I had to practice showing love does not make the feeling any less real.

I know not every Aspie parent will be a success story, but neither will every NT parent so why should I deny myself the opportunity of being a parent? At least if I produce an Aspie he/she will have the benefit of an understanding parent.

I've found young children to be surprisingly rational. Granted their logic is sometimes simplistic, and their goals are often self centered, but how much can one expect?

Here's an example. My 20 month old daughter, when she wants to see a video, says "see? see?" because she wants to see it. Then if she wants to see it again afterwards, she says "dee? dee?" because D comes after C. That may be a bit naive, but you have to admit there's logic to it!

consider the fact that a good % of aspies can't even work or function normally
obviously life seems to have been kinder to you, or you just, for some reason have your head in the sand about the whole AS thing
I'd hate a whole world of aspies
that'd f*****g suck!

Most aspies work and function adequately even in a neurotypical society. It's only the diagnosed aspies that tend to be unemployed, and that's because it's only the ones having problems that tend to get a diagnosis. Aspies functioning adequately in society rarely get diagnosed.


Indeed. I got admission to a university full of aspies - MIT - and it was wonderful. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who actually said what they meant instead of expecting other people to guess what they were thinking. A culture dominated by aspies is completely different from a culture dominated by neurotypicals - don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

Having Asperger's Syndrome is a hard thing, for sure. But many of us can, with a positive outlook and a lot of hard work, learn to function fairly well. So I don't think it's such a grim thing, exactly, thinking of a larger percentage of us out there. I mean, yeah, it's definitely difficult raising kids when you're an Aspie, but you get through it somehow. I don't believe there's an ethical absolute present, as in, Aspies should not have children, period. I think it just gives a person pause to consider the possible outcome. But no, a larger percentage of Aspies does not mean the world is doomed.

It depends on the aspie. Not all of them are fit to be parents just like not all NTs are fit to be parents. I grew up where there were mean kids because their parents didn't care to do their jobs. They never checked up on them so they didn't know their kids well enough to know they were lying about what they did. The parents would believe them because it was easier than doing their jobs. My mom said they were lazy. Even my own best friend was left wandering around the block when she was still in diapers. My mom could remember her playing outside across the street and there be no grown up around. She be by herself. She even locked her own kids out of the house when I was eight because she and her parents didn't want them around. She let that happen. So the kids be left going to friends houses and that made it hard for the other families. But I always loved it because they come over to my house to play.

I think some aspies are better parents than NTs. But there are NTs who are good parents too such as my mother.

I have two children. I used to have stepkids also. I have trouble with the noise and constant touching of babies/toddlers but the issues fade as they get older.

One of my kids is NT as far as I can tell, and makes friends pretty easily, the other is younger and yet to see. I have a hunch that my youngest has something going on but really, who cares? I have suffered difficulties in my life, and was relieved to put a name to it when I found out about Aspergers, but I'm sure glad to have had the chance to live. And I'm sure glad I had the chance to have children.

In fact, if I could change anything about my life, it would be finding out about Asperger's earlier and working on my relationships with that slant instead of just freaking out and not knowing why.

I’m new here, and somewhat confused.

I know that Asperger’s Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder, however the criteria for meeting the AS label are ‘man-made’ i.e. members of the medical profession identified and selected specific traits which fill the diagnostic criteria for AS.

The diagnostic criteria for AS states that for a diagnosis to be given, an individual must meet six criteria. One of these criteria is significant impairment as a result of the ‘disturbance’:

“The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”.

Therefore, my question is: how can one have AS if one does not have a clinically significant level of impairment/dysfunction? Is it more a case of functioning individuals having AS characteristics, rather than AS itself?

To answer Jumla's question, many of us, indeed, have impairment significant enough for us to be considered Asperger; however, our intelligence is high enough in other areas that we have learned to use our strengths to compensate adequately enough for those impairments. This does not eliminate the problem-- it only makes everyday life much more complicated for us as compared to someone who is neurotypical.

If they want to and can supply the resourses

I'm sorry, I cannot say whether someone one should or shouldn't based on their dx as someone with AS or not. I had two wonderful children and I have no doubt I have AS. My daughter is a NT and my son I believe to have AS like me. I had to sacrifice what I wanted to do sometimes in order to take responsibility as their mother. It was especially difficult for me as a Navy wife, wife with a terminally ill husband and single mother. But I would not trade my children for anything in the World.

I agree with OregonBecky.

I did not know I was on the autism spectrum until long after I had my children. I was married to a Neurotypical college professor, and we have three neurotypical kids, a boy and two girls. I found out too late, just how much noise kids and their friends can make. The noise alone was enough to drive me over the edge. Neurotypical kids need alot of activities to keep them happy and out of trouble. There are sports, musical recitals, birthday parties, non-stop doing things with friends, all of which has to be planned, (paid for), and supervised by parents. The socializing begins very young at 3 years old with preschool and playdates. The NT's mothers love all of this socializing, and delight in planning, supervising, and talking with all the other NT moms. Your child will not be included if you can't keep up with this level of social interaction.

I worked hard when they were young to provide all these opportunities for them, but when they approached the teen years, my neurotypical husband had to take over. I could not maintain the pace of social interaction needed to support them.

All three have launched into successful young adulthood (they are 24,22, and 20), so I guess our tag team parenting worked.