the future, being totally alone, etc

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Just don't sell yourself short yet. It could take many years...

Until recently I would have said that I had little chance of a long-term relationship and that my wife and I were headed for a certain divorce. But, I think the AS diagnosis may be the key to allowing my us to finally begin to understand one another. Now that we are learning how the other thinks/feels/etc., the improvement has been very noticeable.

As others have pointed out, you are young, and any Aspie at any age can learn and adapt, at least to some extent. Motivation is apparently a major issue here.

Some of the posters in this thread must have been highly motivated to go through the process of dating, relating, and mating. I've tried and failed enough times to know that I am insufficiently equipped, about as likely to succeed in the relationship realm as in the world of national politics.

For me, it comes down to a calculation. Approximate the number of women who would appeal to you. If this number is suitably large (the approximation need only be within an order of magnitude), then you have many possibilities to explore, and you are young enough that you have time left before the majority of the stable, appealing ones are partnered off. If this number is small, then either 1) work very quickly; or 2) give up.

I spent a few months analyzing and paramterizing this problem in order to decide if I should try dating again (I had been on hiatus for about four years and wanted a new personal math project, so I used this question). Given my personality and lifestyle preferences, the probability analysis showed that there are too few potential partners to justify any effort on my part, and so I decided to devote myself to more rewarding, less socially complex matters; in other words, computers and math.

Since you seem to have decided what you want, you need only follow the advice of higher functioning individuals here. That plus time and patience will likely bring you what you want. I hope it does.

I am 30 and for the first time finally getting my life straightened out. I am now going back to school and getting an associates in Applied Sciences with Concentration in Histo-technician.
I have even made a lot of accomplishments this summer, like taking the city bus by myself for the first time and even using it to go to school, the beach, and other cool trips. Now I have to get into my section 8 apartment and leave this residential crap and I am now a fully 100% independent woman.
About having a child, I want to take care of a child and want one so badly. I also know that a parent-child relationship, me being the mom and my future child, is the only and best relationship I can have. I can teach that child and give it everything that it needs. I will be there for them and at the same time teach them to be the person they want to be. I will do all of the good things and give them the tools, support, and understanding that I wish my parents would have gave me. I will also not do the same mistakes that my parents did with me. Having my Asperger's, i am more empathetic when it comes to how a child feels and lives. I also know through experience about what a child needs and wants and how to give them everything that they need and want in a positive, loving, caring way. Even with discipline because I am unable to handle confrontations, I would not yell and/or do anything negative to that child. Instead, I would just explain, in a very friendly, loving, and caring matter how their actions can cause complications that are not good. I would treat that child the way a child should be treated,with love, kindness, respect, care and all of the positive things.
Too many children in this world, including I, grow up with all of this strictness, confrontations, and negative environments that can set off a number of problems that will carry them into their adulthood. A lot of children who are extremely sensitive to negative reactions and negative things, including myself as a child, are not able to handle the ways that a parent deals with certain situations. Also, I will teach the child everything they need to live to be a successful adult,not just make them figure things out on their own, like my parents did. I will allow them independence at the same time I will be there to support and to step-in, if they want and/or need me to. I will give them all of the love, care, and things they need to be happy. I will be very friendly, loving, and be someone that they can go to for anything. Having my Asperger's, I would be more understanding, empathetic, and sympathetic to them.
Thought I will not be in any relationship, just a single parent, I would do better because I do not have any conflicting views from another person. Plus, i am afraid that the other person would take that child away from me, just because of my Asperger's. Ironically, even though I can handle and do well at taking care of a child and be a parent, I am not able to be a spouse or a partner. I am not able to understand and/or handle those types of relationships.
When I do have my child, I may either adopt or do it the artificial insemination way, where I do not have to have a man to make me pregnant, since I am not able to even handle being next to a man emotionally, mentally, and/or physically. There are so many options out there that a woman can have a child without the whole intercourse thing. That is why I am opting to do that, but not until I am done with school, got my career and job in gear, and have my house and money, of course.

You're a member, go for it.


Lots of time left for life to get better.


Eh, play with it anyway, that's what I do - I do it for me; have a 435 handwritten pages page SciFi story and some drawings to go with it which I have been playing at off and on for a couple decades.
Don't see it ever getting published, but I have fun with it and writing it helps sort out things for me.

Keep practicing, skill will come


Suicidal thoughts in me were for a long time countered by thought that if I commit suicide I'll never finish a model railroad
Also that as long as I'm here, there's a chance to see improvement of life.
If I'm dead, there really is no chance now.
Now that I'm married there's my wife.
And my cat.


Felt pretty near the same for a good portion of life. 30 years?
Is still some of it around now.

Got married for the first and so far only time at 42. Still married.
Had given up hope, and then a few years later it happened.
She loved me first and I fought my love for her.
I was quite unhappy till I gave in to myself and let me love her.

We've had some very rough times recently, but are working through them.

Have no children of my own - wanted them. Was jealous of my brother and his wife, each with 3 of their own.
Now I realize that with my overall health the way it is, I couldn't have dealt with raising children.
Did have names picked out for a boy and a girl, just in case, although, the imaginary future mother probably would have had ideas of her own!

Married into adult children and 3 grandchildren.

Where you're at is a very, very, hard and bleak place to be - not fun.
Sometimes people have to get through those things and places by nothing but sheer brute force of the will bulling its way through - I will survive.

Well, there's my thoughts and experiences, for whatever they're worth.

Hang on, kiddo, hang on

I feel much the same - what are the alternatives? Friendship has invariably failed, of romance the best I can say in my case is that it's a luxury not for me. Since the only truly meaningful connection to anyone else in my life is the bond with my parents, me being a dad is the only worthwhile connection I can see myself forming. Biology is not on my side, unfortunately.




I feel exactly the same - I feel like a 40-year-old who wishes he'd been a professional dancer - no hope, just move on.



Yes, I've kept painting and drawing. It helps.


Anyway, thanks again everyone.

Not to pass judgement, but is having a child the best thing to do - in the child's interest?

Best case scenario, you're going to be a great mom/single-parent. You're financially well off and have the capacity to give the child everything necessarily mentally and emotionally. Whether you adopt, IVF or just have one, it's going to be all roses & music.

Worst case scenario, you're not capable and (don't) know it. You have now f*'d up another life.

You're 26. Why not try your hardest to make relationships with other folks? Not only are they likely to be more mature and understanding than a child - but if you f* up, you only grown and don't cause lasting damage. Heck, you can try a few times. Say 10 years.

Or you can just give it a go with a child (of some sort).

Fair question. I can't say I really know the answer to that - but could anyone not already a parent be sure the answer is 'yes'?



I'm male. The whole thing is pretty hypothetical, since the chances of ever having a child in my custody are slim to none.



Romantic relationships aren't on the cards and probably never will be. That leaves friendship - a fragile, brief connection in my experience. I'll be moving away from Britain within a year, and I know the few friendships I've made here will go like a puff of smoke.