Found out! Will it change anything?

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Funnily enough, I remember, after reading a list of 'symptoms' of Asperger's, saying to my then fiancee, now wife, that I thought I had the syndrome. She was emphatic: "no, you're not autistic". She had worked with adults with learning difficulties for 12 years, so I trusted her judgment, but at the same time, it was something of a coincidence that so many of the 'traits' of Asperger's syndrome tallied with my behaviour.

That was about 5 years ago. We've been married 2 years now. I've not mentioned it since. She has been very understanding, and even after this incident, she has just brushed it off as one of my eccentricities.

Who could ask for a better partner than that?

Hi Spokane girl! It's complicated...

But then again you asked and no one here knows me, so what the heck.

I was 16 when I got pregnant and had her, and her dad was off to the next skirt. And so I did my best to raise her on my own, managing to go to college, finish it, and give her a semi-normal life. Despite her quirks, she was extremely strong academically, and I always put her up so high, she probably has double the confidence I will ever have (didn't want to repeat the same mistake -- besides she reminds me so much of myself)

I met my husband 4 years ago, and my daughter really only lived with us a brief period of time -- she went off on her own to college (two years earlier than most kids).

She is now 17 and graduating community college (at Clark, a special program for highschoolers), and getting ready to go to "real" college... and I have seen her struggle through her life with the same issues I have had. I finally figured out I had Asperger's about a year ago, but since we live so far apart, I didn't know really how to tell her, and she seemed so happy. Always talking about her band (she's the singer), and her dancing, and her grades, and her friends.

So about a month ago, she calls me and we were talking... she starts asking me how is it going to be, now that she is going to Boston all by herself; how she can't make friends because she gets bored of them so easily. So she started getting agitated, and saying things like, "why am I not like the other girls? Am I ever going to be able to make a friend and keep it? Why don't I like anyone enough to keep interest? What is wrong with me? I can't stand how superficial people can be" and on and on and on....

So. From far away... I leveled with her. I told her I had Asperger's and told her to check into it. Maybe mention to her doctor, and get checked if she feels necessary. But just so she knows.... maybe she won't make friends like the other people, and maybe that is not a bad thing.

I tried to explain that the reason she was able to accomplish so much in her life was probably due to her ability to focus on a goal and obsessively pursue it (I left out the obsessively part, tried to put the most positive spin I could.) And that makes me believe she will achieve anything she puts her mind to.

She was on her laptop as she was talking to me, and started researching it... and said "Autism, that totally makes sense" and said "Oh my gosh thank you so much thank you so much"

She seemed happy. I haven't heard from her after that except for a short email on Christmas.

I sent an email giving her this website and a lot more links and movie suggestions.

I hope I haven't alienated her with this. But I mean, she asked what was wrong with her!! !

I don't think there is anything wrong with her!! !

I hope I have done the right thing. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I just wanted her to know that yes, she will go through life feeling that most people are not her intellectual peers and that it was OK, but that the good news is, she is NOT alone.... (not saying that NTs are dumber, but we DO have a different way of looking at things, it's not just about IQ, OK, NTs, so please give me a break)

I hope she grows up to be happy.

She probably has more experience with less functioning cases of autism, and is maybe not used to Asperger's which can be more difficult to spot for someone who is not an expert (or someone who doesn't have it -- because if you read the symptoms and feel like you have it, then in my opinion you probably do... unless you have a bad case of hypochondria ). Either way, the important thing is that she accepts you for who you are. Who cares about the rest... if you can be yourself and still be loved the way you are, sounds like heaven to me.

Cool, I hope she does come here. I didn't know she was un DXd.