A touchy-feely Aspie

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That is exactly what I am. I crave it desperately and have only had brief interludes of it. I read one dissertation on AS traits about four years ago and it stated that some on the spectrum are indeed that way. The light caress of a woman is electric sparkles running down my skin and I am in purest heaven. All these years without it are living hell.

I find light caresses irritating. If I'm okay with the person I'd rather get a bear hug.

Touch is a variable thing.
There are days when it is painful.
There are days when it is a great hunger.
There are days when it cycles between those throughout the day.

And on most of those days I usually don't know it has changed till someone touches me and I snap at them.

There are certain touches which always feel good.
There are certain touches which always feel uncomfortable if not outright hurt - certain of those the sensation lasts loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong after the touch is removed

Seems to me you are unfairly placing motive/attitude on what others do. You don't like it, so they must mean malice to you. But, that's not so. All they are doing, from their perspective, most people, is being socialable. And even those with no so nice motives, well, they aren't thinking, "I'll hurt someone by looking at them too intensely". Frankly, it wouldn't occur to them.

Furthermore, you have the choice to not participate in the eye contact.

I've always been overly affectionate, ever since I was little. I am extremely touchy-feely... certainly more so than is normal or expected from your average adult male in the U.S.

I love holding my wife's hand in public and being cuddly/kissing in the grocery store line. This amazes most people we come across. "But you've been married 5 years!" they say, as if we're supposed to be "used" to each other by now and that only new couples cuddle in public. Hogwash, I say!

i'm not god i just present what i observe and my take on life as anyone else do in this forum
for me what is consider sociable is a violent orgy and i know most people think they are the best and that their intentions are the best
ignorance is the source of all that evil
fact is the world i a crappy place so i see no harm in presenting my reasoning as to why it is so
myself, i don't take part in this ugly,soulless game but when i was a kid i was forced to take part in it by the "do gooders" so called health pro's and was treated very violently by my peers because i have other perception of what socializing is
so is many other people on the AS
mind u,i never bully NT who doesn't play acording to my ruls
it is always the other way around
that's one the reasons i think NT perception of their surrounding is violent and in sensitive to the uniqueness and detail their surrounding

For me it's very much about personal space. I can deal with most social rituals, but usually avoid shaking hands (acting like that's too formal), and staying at least 5' away. Across a table is even better. But if I'm riding the bus, I don't mind being packed in because I'm not interacting with the other people, and there isn't an alternative.

For people I know, the personal space decreases, and I prefer being within a foot or two. I won't usually face them, or spend much time looking at their eyes, though.

For friends, I like to be about a foot away, and I'll put my hand on their shoulder at times. With my rugby team-mates, we always have our arms around each others shoulders, and I feel comfortable and safe. I probably have more eye contact with them than in any other social situation.

With my partner, I'm very affectionate, at I can keep eye contact with him really well.

I can relate to that

I have a chequered history with touch; over the years I've gone in and out of my protective, private shell - so much so that it's hard to believe it's the same person. But even during my most private phases, I've always been aware of a deep longing for touch. The whole concept seems for me to be inexorably linked with how much trust I've extended towards those around me.

When I was a child I remember myself, Dad and my sister all routinely huddling together on the sofa like a litter of puppies. Mum never included herself in that....I have a very early memory of her being capable of tactile affection towards me, but she had a foul and volatile temper, and most of my later memories of her touching me are about being slapped for minor misdemeanours.....and when she used to wash my hair or scrub the dirt off me (regular rituals in my early childhood), she was much too harsh about it and I hated and dreaded those occasions.

As far as I remember, the local kids didn't go for touch, except for the occasional "rough and tumble" game, which we all enjoyed, though it was pretty rare, and I vaguely recall being somewhat on the periphery of games in general, rather confused by the rules but somehow fitting in reasonably adequately. As we grew older, these childhood things began to vanish, the boys began to hate the girls and the only male physical contact was the occasional fight.

Then I went through puberty and longed to cuddle a girl, and felt sad that the whole touch issue had already ceased to be an everyday thing......I had a dream that a guy told me I'd been picked to take part in a motor racing contest, and a nearby girl, on hearing that, suddenly threw her arms around me. When I woke up, that image seemed burned into my consciousness as something I just had to experience in real life.

But I had no luck with the girls for a few years - I didn't know what to do with them - my self-confidence got very low, and I was scared of letting anybody know what I wanted, convinced I'd be rejected and punished severely for having such inappropriate feelings. I wasn't all that interested in sex - didn't even know quite what it was or how it fitted in with this craving for affection that I'd acquired. All my encounters were embarrasingly clumsy and the rejection thing became a self-fulfilling prophesy for a while. Strangely, on the rare occasions when girls showed the kind of interest in me that I was looking for, I'd find myself rejecting them very harshly, and then I'd be kicking myself later for throwing my opportunities away like that.

I learned a lot over time, and everything had somehow sorted itself out by the time I was 18. I began to find stable girlfriends and thoroughly enjoyed the cuddling that went with that. But it would be confined to the girlfriend......touching other people was pretty rare, apart from a few guys I used to hang about and get drunk with - we'd stagger home from a pub crawl with our arms around each other and get all sentimental about what great friends we were, but the moment we were sober we'd be scared to touch each other again.

Then, after I left my first wife, I happened to fall in with a bunch of people who were embracing each other all the time. I rapidly took to that, and really enjoyed the simple closeness of it all. The rules seemed to be simple - when in doubt, give them a cuddle. I began to try and transfer this approach to the rest of society, which sometimes didn't go down very well, though occasionally it seemed to bring some of them to life......I remember deciding to take a chance and cuddle a lady I didn't know very well, and then spent the next few hours hoping to God that I hadn't offended her - then somebody told me that I'd made her day, and that she'd talked about nothing else since. Apparently she'd been going through a difficult time and had been feeling really isolated and rejected, so as it turned out, I'd somehow done just the right thing to make her feel included again.

But I felt that the whole touch thing could also be very risky - I heard one lady saying that another lady really made her flesh creep "because she's a toucher"......I was very sad to hear that an apparently normal person could be so judgemental, and such remarks made me rather wary of touching anybody in mainstream society.

Anyway, before this post gets so long that nobody will ever have the time to read it, the upshot is that I love cuddling people but have to err on the safe side and avoid it when I'm in any doubt about how well received it's likely to be. I've spent a long time recently avoiding a lot of company (for many reasons), which has done two things: it's kept me from having to make these precarious decisions about touching them, and it's also "de-skilled" me in that respect. For a year or two now I've been gradually getting more sociable again, and have sadly noticed that I don't initiate touch any more, and that on the rare occasions when others do, my whole body just stiffens, then they look kind of startled, hurt, or embarrassed, and they never try toucning me again. I'm just too shy to explain to them that it was OK, and that I just needed a bit more time to adjust (I'm sure if I'd seen it coming, I'd have taken their advances a lot better).

Just a few days ago a lady I'd met once before moved in for a brief embrace, and it seems that I'm finally getting used to these things again.....I think my response was fairly natural.....just one snag - the peak of her cap caught me right in the eye as I kissed her on the cheek. I think I contained my agony well enough, but it took me a good 10 minutes to recover afterwards. I guess I'll get used to these little problems if I persevere.

I am like that but only with my wife or son or granddaughter. I love touching and being touched by them. I don’t like touching or being touched by anyone else. In fact I lost a job interview once because my handshake wasn’t firm enough.

That’s the point. They are not conscious of their motives and intentions. Most can not tell you what they are doing and why, because they don’t know. A rare few are conscious predators, and they will never tell you.

We are here, not so much to trash NTs (although that's a nice side benefit) but to dissect and understand the differences. We need to put it in plain language to understand. We can play with semantics and euphamisms later.

The main thing modern culture wants is not so much about any particular rule as about knowing your place. When someone in a position of authority tells you to jump, the only question you are allowed to ask is “how high?” If they tell you to s**t, you ask “what color?” Sheep find this to be acceptable, and happily get in line. I do not. It’s all about intolerance and power games. www.wikihow.com/Leash-Train-a-Cat

No, you do not have a choice. Children today are being forced to do it in “therapy.” Adults today are required to do it, but the demands are more subtle and it’s difficult to figure out when and how. It’s required one minute and forbidden the next, and you will certainly be punished for not knowing the difference.

Concerning hugs, does anyone find this video to be useful?
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-giv ... to-man-hug

I am a touchy-feely as follows:

I love being touched by my gf, I love to touch back, I like scenes in movies when it occurs if the characters have gone thru something warranting such interaction.

IN PRINCIPLE I get off on Mediterranean body languages that are empathetic, so with friends, a certain pat on the back or a hug (more acceptable from a family member) can be ok; rarely from a fellow band member if we did a really good job (more like a high-five), or if a friend in recovery needs some TLC I'll provide it but I don't necessarily FEEL it or FEEL LIKE IT.

Random strangers invading my space and doing it FUGGEDDABOUDIT. (Actually I think they have boundary issues if they do.)

I especially dislike a patronizing touch that is done for effect, as if to say: "we don't think you get us so here's how deeply we feel about your being insulted/sad/the injustice done to you", etc. I am a smart person and really resent it when I am treated like a (Politically Incorrect derogatory label for someone really stupid).

I don't dare listen to the sound till I've got my earphones here (I can only watch video clips at work these days; no broadband at home), but the picture looks educational, and it looks as if there are a few good hints and tips in there. More than that, it made me want to join in

Some girl actually signed my high school yearbook "You are one touchy-feely kinda guy!"
I think/hope it was a compliment, but it seems creepy to others who have read it, or they think there is some illicit story behind it. It was probably just because I used to be the main backrub vending machine in the group or friends I hung out with.

I crave physical contact. One of the things I hate about being single... not enough hugs, nobody to snuggle up to or trade back rubs with, or any of that. To me, that kind of physical intimacy ties in well with the emotions - lets me express things I can't do in words.

It's weird how I can't stand crowds but still desire company. The right company, anyway.

Is that your picture?! You are sooo goodlookin'! ! I can't believe that guys don't want to touchy feely you because if I were a man, I'd wish I had more hands. LOL. I don't mean to offend. I figured because I'm a harmless, old female aspie, I can get away with it. You're very cute
I used to be cute when I was younger but I'm aging rather badly but accepting it rather well....unlike Marie Osmond.

I always seem to get an impression that AS are generally very stiff/un-responsive when reading authoritative books on AS/ASD based on their long-standing research over 6000 clients etc etc.

no wonder female AS & maybe touchy-feely AS are under-diagnosed LOL