Men who hate women, why do they?

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I thought it was "lift and drag" ratio like for airplanes.
Well, idea might fit after all - she wants to be lifted up and to drag him around.
Goes the other way too.

Men who hate women probably were raised by an abusive and/or very dominant woman. Or they could have been raised by the father that always said negative stuff about women or the kids mom. Lots of rejection by women can make a man hate women. Guys that have lots of trouble finding dates or love can hate women even more if a woman leads them on, playing with them like a cat plays with a mouse it just caught. I think some guys would rather be left alone than for a women to tempt them and turn around to drop them like a potato.

It's also possible that men who hate women grew up watching their father beat their mother, in addition to hearing negative things about women. That's often the case in domestic violence situations, the man is just continuing the cycle. Another issue is that in some religions, women are blamed for what Eve did, or are considered evil if they show too much skin, as they're "tempting" men.

There is a saying "women, you can't live with them, you can't live without them"

Yes I know, when I said to leave me alone he changed his tune a bit. but I can't live like that, it takes a lot of effort for me just to figure out what to say to order a tea or ask for directions, I can't possibly spend all my time trying to figure out what to say to get him to treat me like a person.

I know people do this a lot, showing each other and stopping each other and so on in interaction but I'm not built like that, I have to assume people are doing their best. This is also why I can't afford to deal with them much, because they think it's weakness. But it's not. I'm not intersted in self-promotion, I'm interested in accuracy, and it doesn't work. I can't do anything about it - I can work on it, and I do, but I can't change it.

And also I need people to be honest with and about themselves, otherwise I just end being blamed for evertything because I take it on. He reminds me of my mother and that's a huge problem - he'll say 'everyone is responsible for their own happiness' and it's true in a pop psychology kind of way but it depends on how the statement is used and the way he says it reminds me of how my mother used to say 'everyone has to take of themselves' when my father got ill which was fine for her, she was an adult, but it meant that I got saddled with the reseponsibility for the kids' feelings (they were teenagers but still) and how to support the parents and the only way I could keep everything going was by cutting myself out of the picture. I know how to do that, I know how to put others first, and I'm scared of being taken advantage of because I do it so well.

So he'll think women lounge around in bikinis and think up schemes so I'll get blamed implicitly for doing that when I don't do either but he does both - he doesn't lounge around in a bikini but he uses sex appeal to manipulate people.

So sick of all this. It eats away at the the attaction and affection until there is not much left.

Look at all the typos - very out of character. Hopefully someone can still make sense of what she's trying to say.

Some people take offense at the title of the thread so I thought about changing it (don't know if that's possible though) but I won't because it's not an accusation, it's an earnest question about a fact of life in this society which I don't understand and need to know more about.

That thing about bikinis - that's the hatred, isn't it, whatever she does she's guilty by association of being a temptress. Even though he loves her. That's what I mean. That's the Eve thing as well which someone mentioned.

I can't remember now what more I was going to say.

Something is wrong. Love isn't supossed to feel this way. Either it's him or it's you or it's a combination of the two of you. Love isn't supossed to feel this way. It's already over but neither one of you will admit it yet.

Time to have a heart to heart with him & go your seperate ways. Sorry for being so blunt but IMO that's the reality of the situation. Again, I'm not saying who's right or wrong here. IMO it sounds like you both have issues to work out.

I don't know probably women watch too many rom com movies and think every relationship should be like the movies.

After I posted yesterday I felt so much better, the weight off me. Thanks for listening and responding, especially Granatelli and Merle, much appreciated. I don't know what will happen, there are lots of issues for sure, I don't even know what they are half the time.

Most romcoms that I've seen are full of awful people doing awful things to each other, hardly the stuff that dreams are made of. I just want to be treated like a person and not a demon, that's not a lot to ask.

So he's read this thread, maybe he'll make something of something someone said.

Uh oh

Best of luck! Funny how, to me at least, it is to analyze and examine a relationship when you're not in it.

yes, it's possible they may be repeating the cycle, but I can attest that in my family when my father emotionally humiliated my mother about her religion and made her cry repeatedly in front of us while we ate dinner, one day one of my sisters and I almost went for his gun to blow him away....

Well I do everything in good faith and with good intentions, that's all I know, can't do more than that.

This might provide some explanations:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt108997.html

Thank you very much Ahaseurus2000, that was very helpful indeed. I had to think it over for a couple of days.

There's no sign of physical abuse but the emotional abuse I guess is pretty standard (not as bad as my mother though).

I've never been hit, the closest I've been is once I got on to a doubledecker bus in London, it was one of the old ones where it was open so you just stepped in, and I went upstairs and there was noone there except a teenager up front. I could feel there was something wrong with him but he was so young and I didn't feel threatened so I sat down next to the stairs. So then he turned around and his heart sank when he saw me and then he came back to me and put a broken bottle to my cheek and said 'give me a pound for the tube'. I said I didn't have one, he pushed the bottle against my cheek and repeated 'give me a pound for the tube'. I didn't want to take my purse out but I had 50 pence in my pocket so I gave him that and then he went downstairs and got off. He was all beaten up, someone had been really rough with him. I could tell when he turned around he was not going to hit me, he'd decided he'd rob the next person to get on but he didn't want to rob me because I'm so freshfaced (this was ten years ago almost and I looked like a kid still) but he'd made up his mind to rob whoever got on so he did.
I went downstairs and told the conductor I'd been robbed and he said 'awww, and you're such a pretty girl' (that's how people think - that's how come I don't get spotted as being weird).

Anyway I tell this story to say that I don't think I'll get hit because I think I can spot it from a distance. Of course many women who are abused feel that way until it hits them but I can only go with what I feel, there's no other information or guide available.

I'll tell another story. I self-diagnosed before we really knew each other but we knew about each other so I told him and it made no difference to him - we knew nothing about each other or about autism and he went with it, 'it makes no difference'. He didn't do anything, he just didn't change the way he felt about me or the way he dealt with me. I was very distressed by the self-diagnosis but he stayed in place, no closer, no further. If anything he stays away from me more than I want him to.

The problem I think is that we're both of us better at dealing with ongoing emergency situations than normal 'do you want to go see a movie'/'do you want to cuddle' etc relations. Everything is always 'how do I survive this'. And now I guess with the stress that's been he's a workaholic thinking that's the way to solve everything and she's a chocaholic with the frustration.

Or something.

A lot of people think he's a cad because he's such a flirt and the less I understand him the more I get worried that I'm not being perceptive thinking that he's not, thinking it's an act he puts on, instead I'm just displaying autistic naivite.

I don't know.

But if he only wants to work 24/7 and only wants to deal with other people instead of me although he still wants me to stick around somehow which is the way it seems then all this is just theory, at least for the time being, and then I just have to stop thinking about it at least for now. Because that's not going to work for me and then I'll have to rearrange myself elsewhere.

Thanks again, it helps so much to hear what people have to say.

I hope nobody think that post gives cause for concern - I don't know how it reads to you but if that's your impression, let me reassure you that's not the case. I've known me for almost four decades and I've been my sole provider half that time - I do an excellent job taking care of myself. That's how come I can afford to go anywhere I take me.

If I had the time I could give you a 360 degree view of the situation (and any other) but that's not possible - instead I have to limit myself to very few words and choose them very carefully and sometimes my choice of words does not come across the way I intended.

It's also in the nature of the subject that it comes across a bit heavy. But I'm through thinking about this now, it's clear in my head, so we can let it go! I've only got three minutes left on the computer otherwise I'd talk about something else to lighten things up. I went to the zoo this morning, for example.

My thinking is not standard but it's not poor quality - some things come across quicker and sharper to me than to others, and other things take longer to develop.

Maybe we think in a similar way, Irisrises, I do 360 degrees thinking of most things too...sometimes wish I could stop 'analysing' but we are what we

'Heavy' subjects, sometimes feel like that (too heavy) to the person for whom they trigger feelings, I think most of us have subjects that would make us feel that way. But I think the question was interesting and one feminists, and perhaps most women at some point in their lives, have been asking for a long time. There is the one to one way women are treated by men, and the way society, generally dominated by men, treats women...

I often find it easier to approach a subject in a non-personal way, 'generalise the personal' if you like, it helps to think about a subject and reach some kind of (maybe provisional) understanding that I can then apply to my own situation.

I see you don't want to talk about it any more, but if you do feel like you would like to return to it at some time in the future, that is OK here is the 'In Depth' forum, and where the posting rate is quite slow so it is easier to work things out 360 degrees.

I hope you had fun at the zoo! I love zoos, and aquariums, (aquaria?) nature calms my often too-busy mind. (I could study sea-horses for hours, hehe).