Why do lovers say horrible things?

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That is such a useful link - thanks for posting it (Which reminds me, weren't you going to send me a couple of links last month?)

All I can say is - having met you, you seem like a really great person, positive and warm and bubbly when you're not being stressed out. Hang in there and have a fantastic life with your friends. The people who do negative things to you aren't worth it.

I've noted those, but I'll have to have a think - been a while, so I'm not 100% certain what we talked about. I'll let you know soon.

Sounds like you've brightened up a bit, which is good to hear. Keep that way - and if you're ever down, come bug me, I've got plenty of time to listen.

no definately not brightened up, very down indeed.

I will pm you on wednesday about a new meet up Im organising.

Kathleen,

I don't think liking you is black and white and that its someone likes every single part of you and every time you have together, times are not perfect and you should make allowance that a bad time or someone being angry at one thing you said or one bad time does not mean some big black stamp over every thing that they don't like you and never did.

I do love you and the kids very much but have been very hurt and broken up this past week.
When i sent you that nasty text saying that they were spoilt and i didnt want to talk to you I had been up all night brooding and obsessing on how we left each other and feeling mad with grief. I feel very horrible and guilty that i sent you that after we had become friendly but i was full of hate building up and couldnt stop myself. I just can't can't cope with the up and down, I felt so happy that weekend and so peaceful and secure with you. It really broke my heart for you to suddenly ask me to leave and then ignore me. I'm so brokenhearted and down and that weekend i couldnt think straigt.

I feel very horrible about the time i wrote that anyone else would have hit you, and the time I texted you whining about you not grilling me. I was really angry both times about times I had felt you had lashed out at me and used me to take out your anger about other things on me. I feel so horrible about sending you that text, I had been feeling so happy and pleased with myself that we were getting on and texting so lovingly, and then i was just taken over by a wave of nastiness and started obsessing and couldn't stop. I felt so angry with myself, I knew you had hard essays to do and a stressful time, and I had made it worse. I feel so guilty and hate myself for it so much. I could have sent you lots more loving messages and supported you through your essay, but i made it worse and hurt you, i hate myself so much for that, i dont know why i did it, I didnt know while i was doing it, i was just taken over by brooding. Even while i was wrting it i knew it was the stupiest and nastist thing to do.

I know I have refused to let you go and ever break up with you and i have begged to be with you. Even at times we have known it was more sensible to be apart. But it is not true that it was just for sex, it was also for your company and love and all the fun and good times we have had. When I think about all the good memories I cant bear to let them go, like the meetups we have had and going swimming and trips and being part of the family and always having you there to chat to, watch films with, go shopping with you. I couldnt let it go even if it was sensible to it was too painful.

I did like your interactional style, i like your passion about things and your excited monologs, i like to sit and watch and listen to you when you are talking with passion about the subjects you know. I feel really bad for the times i bitched about you interupting me, I was just frustrated cuz of my own speech problems and taking it out on you. I know your monologs and interupting are part of your AS and that you have had bad treatment from people because of them. I wish i could have been caring enough to remember that, and i wish i could have been more caring those times we went to meetups and i bitched about people liking you more, I wish i could have remembered that you find it harder and just stayed with you and cared for you more.

I feel very sad now, it is very hard to write

i love you so very much

I love you too and always will whatever happens.

*pokes her head in and clears her throat*

I swear I'm not trying to play doctor here, but since this little exchange has been made public I want to comment on something. Obviously, you two care about each other very much. I think it helps to have both sides of the story which Tom's post has provided. I would strongly encourage both of you to seek couples counselling if you choose to continue your relationship together. There are several dysfunctional layers that are present here and it comes from Tom's baggage and Kathleen's baggage being brought together in the same place. Everyone brings something from their past to their current relationship. It's what you do with it and how you handle it that's key. If you seek out some joint counselling then you can take the dysfuctional parts, learn why you do what you do, how to change it, and then make something positive out of what you have. Just a thought. All the best to you both.

*leaves the room again*

nothing is different celticgoddess, dont worry.

we both know we love each other, that was not the issue, love does not make a relationship however. proably makes it worse infact.

Im going to get councilling again anyway as I obviously have more to work on.