AS bf lost his job and now needs alone time??

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So, I'm new to this Asperger's thing, and only self-diagnosed, so you all let me know if I'm off-base -- but I think you're letting him off the hook too much. Most of the responses seem to be to explain to GF how BF is feeling -- but I think GF knows he's taking the job loss very hard, the problem is the opposite. HE doesn't seem to know how SHE is feeling. She had a health scare that might have required hospitalization. Yeah, she needs to respect his need for "alone time", especially in a tough time like this. But HE also needs to respect HER need for him not to disappear off the face of the earth when she's going through something frightening like this health scare.

My opinion ... OP should tell him, later, when things have eased up a bit, how she felt abandoned in her time of need, and how terrible it made her feel. Yeah, he can "abandon" her for a while when he's in stress but she isn't, but if she needs him, he might just have to hold himself together and postpone the meltdown until it's safe for the relationship -- like I can go to the mall, get totally stressed and overwhelmed, but hold on and postpone the meltdown until I get home to a safe place. Like she says, what if he does this to their children? If you need to melt down, you have to make sure you and those you are responsible for are safe.

What do others think?

Just let him to know you are there for him, it's enough and more comfortable way for him...

Try to understand maybe he don't know / how to act in this kind of situation (according to AS trait), especially in this case.

Approach him after this, tell him so he can understand about your feeling

Agree with this. It takes two to form and maintain an adult relationship and AS is no excuse not to pull your weight.

Looks like you both have major stressful events that just happened to you. Either could lead to short-term depression, etc. So don't downplay the seriousness of things here.

That said, the important thing is how you handle it now. How have you best communicated in the past? Use that and some direct questions to find out how he feels. Others have given you some ideas, you can ask and see what he says. (Is he the type to tell the truth?)

Once you are both feeling better, you can look back at how you handled this time and ask what you can do better if something similar happens again.

Personally, I would vote for an online chat/IM session, but that is just my past experience. You might want to schedule it by letter, since that would be least obtrusive, I think. Schedule: he can mentally prepare for it.

I would strongly advice against querying him about what's wrong and his emotional state if he is depressed. I would also strongly advice against telling him he's making you feel bad if he's depressed. Whatever you do, do not nag if he's depressed. He could leave you, then, because of a plethora of possible reasons.

I've suffered from heavy depressions nearly all my life, but eventually managed to get out of them by creating a definition; Depression is to think in circles - ie. a waste of time. But depressive people tend to concentrate on a small set of problems, which are however linked to almost every aspect of their lives - At least according to their current level of realization and perspective. They have thought so long and so deep on this small set of problems, that they know "everything there is to know about them" and are therefore, according to themselves, beyond help by anybody. Nobody can talk them out of it, because they've heard or thought it all before. They know everything there is to know about their problem(s) and trying to explain any of it to outsiders appears futile - Nobody else will understand. This is particularly important if he has difficulties with communication which is autism.

While being there for him and giving him attention when he needs it, without nagging about "what's wrong" etc., you're showing him that you love him and that you care. And depending on the severity of the depression, he will eventually get out of them sooner or later.

You see, it could be he hides from you because he feels like a burden to you. Show him by presence that that is incorrect!

Edit: It's probably even a great advice to pretend he's not having problems at all, as long as he feels that he's in the center of your world.