I don't enjoy much of anything, must force myself to work every day, and I'm tired most of the time. This is despite having a kind of cool job designing posters and doing gopher work in a multimedia office. This mental and spiritual torpor is just how it's been for me since I graduated college about nine years ago, has been getting worse. I do enjoy drawing, but it's very difficult to get started. I do my best work when I'm a little distracted and not imposing any expectations on myself. I exercise almost every day and take multivitamins, Omega-3 pills, and Piracetam (a supposed "cognitive enhancer"). I was prescribed Adderall, I'm hoping that stuff helps. If it makes things worse then I'll just stop it.
It's demoralizing and exhausting when you can't go anywhere without being able to hide your emotions. For instance, running some errands at the grocery and video stores: That girl's incredibly hot, don't look at her -- oh crap, I almost knocked that stand over, great -- that guy may be big, but don't be intimidated, it's not like he's coming at you with a knife -- whoops, I think I just shot a dirty look at that person because I'm angry and desperately want to tell someone how difficult this all is -- oh s**t, teenage girls, run away -- Okay fine they think I'm nauseating, why do I care? Distract yourself with something OOH a book about cameras, sure, whatever -- here's that woman with the messed-up face who's always nice, be nice to her, be nice to her, s**t I think I grimaced at her -- great, that'll come back to you -- I want to scream and beat the hell out of something -- did that chick just say "get out of my face" at me? I wasn't even looking at her -- don't indulge in homicidal fantasies -- don't do it -- too late -- concentrate on breathing, trust that what you need isn't from other people.