what is the point of marriage?

Post Reply New Topic

I think that marriage is also a traditional way of stating commitment.

My husband and I are very traditional about our own lives (but very open minded about how other people choose to live theres). For us - committing to a marriage was a traditional way of saying that we love each other and are committed to each other "for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer". This is a first and only marriage for both of us. We also have children together. The actual marriage is more symbolic.

The lower tax argument isn't always true. Sometimes it can be more advantageous for a married couple to file separately (hence the option), depending on the individual circumstances.

I've been married for almost 9 years now (together a lot longer) and the part I like best about it is the comfort. We considered not getting married because there's no real need to if you're not religious, but eventually decided "hey, why not?" I'm so glad we did. It's such a wonderful thing to know that you're both in it together - no matter what. Life throws enough at you and it's nice to have one less thing to worry about, especially since we have kids. Mutual respect is key, along with a good sense of humor .

To wear a ring on your finger that says your not getting laid

Win!

So true! But thankfully when you're old, you don't care so much - too tired anyway!

Really? Here in the UK we have a show called The Sex Education Show, and on it they were talking to old people who use dildos and stuff. Was pretty disgusting TBH

I should be more careful and speak just for myself. Maybe there's a second wind for some older people, but definately not anything I'd want to watch .

I also do not understand the point. I have asked many people, trying to understand, and their answers are typically that they like having someone that is there, no matter what. They like the partnership and having someone to depend on. All of those things are turn-offs to me, because I do not have any desire for emotional connection. For me, the point of marriage was to get people off my back about the fact that I hated dating. (That is not a good reason to get married.)

I love my husband (even if he does not believe that), but after nearly ten years of marriage, I still do not understand the point, beyond the financial reasons. I am trying to fix my marriage, but I'm only doing so because we have a child together and I cannot simply walk away. People have told me that it is worth it to fix it, but no one can tell me why it's worth it.

All that to say, if you feel that way, count yourself lucky to be single. Being married and spending so much energy fighting for something that serves no benefit to you is extremely fatiguing, and it is unfair to your spouse as well.

I am making no such assumption. You said there is no point. I say there is one that you don't understand. As for your last comment - simply loving another person doesn't make them the right person to marry.

We're all "weird" in some way. If this is how you feel about it, then I don't see a problem. It's your life, no one else's.

What else is there, then? Because when you you're in that state of mind when you love someone, you want to be with them for the rest of your life, but that doesn't necessarily equal marriage.

Too bad more people don't have your self-awareness. Hats off to you for deciding not to do something just because everyone is.

In my anthropology classes one of the things that have come up as a surprise to many of us was that marriage as we know it today is a recent development (~300 years or so).

For the great majority of humans that have lived, up until 300 or so years ago marriage was not for love but a socio-economic alliance contract between two families or individuals. Love was rarely in the picture. You married because it was the smart thing to do as your children when you had them would have the best chance to survive. Being piss poor and suddenly having 2 more mouths to feed (wife+child) was a quick recipe for self destruction.

Its only our modern post-industrial revolution societies that have brought a relatively more stable economic system as well as the empowerment of women (meaning they can work and sustain themselves financially) that marriage as an economic social contract begun to wear down. Today in western societies most people marry for love -but- you cannot deny that economics plays a big part in either partner's decision to bind the knot with another. The US for example has the absolute highest divorce rate and single motherhood rate in the world and this is mainly due to women being able to support themselves and be financially independent. The economic contract is not an absolute necessity anymore. Now see countries where women do not have this empowerment (either by law or by social or economic pressures) and you will notice a dramatic shift to arranged marriages as well as socio-economic alliance marriages.

As for you.. well, if you're in a western, modern country you have the freedom to choose. In this you are more fortunate than the majority of women in the planet.

Personally I believe that even if you do not need an economic alliance or wish to have children... marriage is still worth considering. I cannot imagine myself in my 80's alone and never having had someone to share all those years with. That would make life pointless I think.

Before I did not understand marriage or agree with it. I could not see the point at all. However I met someone who I felt differently about and could suddenly really understand why people want to get married and very much wanted to make that joining and commitment with him. I had had relationships before and been in love before but just not that intensity of love, I did not know one could feel that strongly toward someone. So I echo the previous poster (t0) that its something you have to experience for yourself, if its the right person, you do understand it.

I don't like coming home to an empty house and being alone. I find it very depressing.