Living alone, feeling overwhelmed by household tasks.

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I like this 40% rule, some of my family have cried when they see my living contents. I might try this.

Last edited by takeapart on 17 May 2011, 7:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I go through these stages of ups and downs and I can usually tell my mental state by the state of my house! I think cleaning is a horrible waste of time, yet I get stressed out in a cluttered and dirty house.

One thing that really helped me was the FLY Lady system.

If you like books, you can read about it in "Side Tracked Home Executives" by Pam Young & Peggy Jones

There is also www.FLYLady.net for web based content, for free.

The basic premise of the system is two fold:

(1) your house/life did not get the way it is overnight, so it is unreasonable to expect it to "recover" it's way overnight as well. By breaking the job down into small steps and working on it a little part at a time, you can eventually get "all the way there" (wherever "there" is for you! I do not even BEGIN to do everything suggested in this program. These people love housework waaay too much for me! But they are clearly experts and have some very useful tips, suggestions and advice!) BUT, the most important thing about it, for me, is the philosophy of "Finally Loving Yourself". Forgiving myself all the pent-up guilt, feelings of being overwhelmed, angst & anxiety for the state of the house has been a big relief for me.

(2) the system delineates a step-by-step process to break the house down into different zones, and then focusing on that zone for a week. Housework is never done! But, with this system, there are logical places to say "I'm finished" for the day, week or whatever and let yourself stop, guilt-free, even though the living room is still an absolute mess.

There are daily maintenance type tasks, weekly maintenance type tasks and "special projects" where you focus on a little corner of one room until it's done and then move on, bit by bit, until eventually, if you stick with it, your house gradually gets decluttered and cleaned, and you have built up the ability to maintain it along the way.

The big focus is on "start small". If you can only do one thing a day, focus on doing that one thing. Later on, in a week (or more or less depending upon how you are doing) add another task, and so on. This really helped me from being totally overwhelmed.

I have had a horrible first quarter this year with illness, tragedy and stress, and my house really shows it. But, I am not too worried (about the housecleaning anyway), because as I am able to better cope in later days, I will start small again and work steadily. It can take a year or more to get your house into whatever your goal is, but the beauty of this method is that it can be done starting with a commitment of just 10 minutes a day and building on that. Personally, I think some of the things they have you do on the system are silly, so I pick and choose what matters most to me, but the basic philosophy and structure are a great framework on which to build.

I am SO GLAD someone started this conversation! It had come down to the only time I'd clean is when I'd move to a different apartment.

I feel like I'd be considered a "hoarder", but it really DOES get overwhelming! Within the next month and a half I have to have my house sparkling clean because I have family and other guests coming to visit for my birthday....and I'm terrified I'm not going to have it done!

I have alot of other projects that I'm working on (art projects) that have to be done before this, too, and in my mind, I use art as a distraction/procrastination so that I don't clean. It's really embarrassing. I don't have anyone come over - clearly I live alone - and what's REALLY stupid is, I've been a cleaner in previous jobs! Used to clean hotel rooms and also had a job as an apartment cleaner! So, I know HOW to clean....but like you say, it's really overwhelming!

Also, like you say, I'd love to get a maid, but I don't want anyone touching my stuff!

With my art, I have a lot of reference materials - pieces of paper that have sketches or magazine pages with design ideas - etc. and to the untrained eye, they'd be considered garbage. So, no maid for me.

I have this problem and have a community support worker to help me look after my home.

I have some rules about my home.
My sleeping room can only contain certain items, other items I always put in the study. I also clean it always on Sunday, no exceptions. That is the most important room.

Same for the bathroom and toilet, they get to be cleaned every week and only certain items are permitted.

My living room combined with kitchen is more difficult. Since I work late a lot, I do not get to washing up the dishes etc. I always try to do them on Thursday or Friday night as a minimum, and I try Monday or Tuesday. But keeping it clean is more difficult, but it got better when I bought some boxes for the DVDs and magazines. Having a good and fixed place for stuff helps a lot.

My study is a problem, here are all the items that do not fit anywhere else. So most of the times it is a bit messy. Once every few weeks I take a day off and arrange it a bit. But that is the biggest problem, I have too much stuff. But two times a year I clean up vigorously, I take out all the stuff from the cabinets and drawers. Look a them, see if they still work or fit and the most important if I used them last year. If not I throw them away or let my brother sell them on ebay. That way it is acceptable. But the study is my weak point.

Fortunately digital storage helps a lot for me. When I have documents on paper I keep them first like that, but try to get a digital copy. Certain documents I scan and put in the computer. That way I can throw a lot of paper away. On the computer I got everything in a logical folder collection.


About the mess, the more mess or dirt there is, the worse I feel. So it helps for me to clean my rooms.

Wow! I can not stress how important this concept has been for me! If an item doesn't have a designated place it constantly gets shifted between a bunch of "temporary" spots "for now" and never really put away! If everything has a logical place for it to go, it's immediately obvious if it's put away or not, and is also mentally easy to put it away if I have a place for it. For me, half the battle is simply setting up "places" for my stuff to go and designating where they belong.

Part of the reason why my house is in chaos right now is that I'm in the process of building a huge set of book cases for our humongous collection of books. Boxes of books are everywhere (neatly stacked and labeled) but displacing room where other things really need to go. It's kind of disrupted our whole house. But, once I get them finished, it's going to be sooooo organized I'll love it!




Oh man! My office is a MESS but my computer files are so organized! I really need to do this! Thanks for the great idea!

I get overwhelmed with tidying up. I read one piece of advice which recommended by beginning sorting clutter in two piles, throw away pile and keep pile. Then take the 'keep' pile and use another binary choice to sort it in two piles again, may be paperwork and other. And so on. I stuggle knowing where to start and this helps me.

This sounds great! I would also use files with the keep pile. That's a quick way to get the papers in order and out of sight.

The ONLY things in my home that are totally organized is my bill paying system. And my tools and supplies for house remodeling. And my cupboards.

I am naturally messy. Its great excuse not to let people in.
I dont put pressure on myself. I am easily distracted. I like planning out how to do something much more than I like doing that thing.

I also really need to see something completely change. To stand back and feel happy to see what Ive accomplished. Its the same with cleaning or with painting a room or mowing my lawn. It feels like magic.

I clean room by room. I vary which end of the house I start in. That way every room gets some attention, sometime. I have a dishwasher, my washer and dryer are in my kitchen so I easily keep that stuff done, I take the trash out because I hate it inside and my dogs get into it.

I never rush to do anything. All I have is time. I forgive myself for rearranging things in my cabinets when I just meant to put the groceries away.
There is something that I do that triggers my cleaning or my working on my house. I turn on some good music to work on my house. If I light incense and play music, I must clean. That seems to keep me on task. Keeps my mind from getting distracted, puts me in a good mood.

I put a big trashbag in my market cart and wheel that into each room with me so I can empty wastebaskets, pick up clutter, toss paper towels in as I clean. I have a box and a basket. The box is to put things that need to go in a different room. The basket is for placeless things I would get too distracted trying to find someplace for them. Sometimes they get put away, sometimes they dont. But they arent clutter anymore. When I need to use them again, I have to put the stuff away.
I never put my clothes away. I wash, dry and fold them and put them on the same chair. I usually hang up stuff that needs hung up.

I have dogs who love it when I work outside and I can talk to them. They are great to have with me when I feel so exposed.

I feel stressed unless I just dont ask more from me than I feel up to doing.

I saw a sampler once that said "Life is Just a Chair of Bowlies". Im OK with that.

I am anally organised. I live in an organised mess. As long as it is only my mess I dont mind. There is usually lots of mess.

Having a family make mess does my head in. The child's toys are everywhere. Her dad creates piles everywhere... not even organised piles, just heaps.

I like everything to be in its place. If its place is on the floor so be it. When others get involved, suddenly my organisation is pointless.

I am a hoarder. I prefer to think I don't create lots of rubbish as everything has a use and re- use. Its recycling... yes thats right, recycling.

I totally understand how overwhelming it can be when considering tidying up. When I do get round to it, its a very ritualistic process and has to be done properly, meaning it can take me 24 hours solid per room. People don't understand that everything needs to be done properly and in order. For me, its easier to live in mess than put up with a half done, badly done job.

"I am a hoarder. I prefer to think I don't create lots of rubbish as everything has a use and re- use. Its recycling... yes thats right, recycling"

I struggled with this, myself. Since I work on my house, those butter and sour cream containers, popsicle sticks, food trays,and juice bottles all seem worth saving for paint, stirs, etc.
But I had a talk with myself about that. I generate this stuff CONSTANTLY, its not like there wont be that same stuff when I need it. Look in your cupboards and fridge and see how many you have still full of their product. Next week they will be empty, so do you need keep the old? My answer to that was ..well actually no.
So I tossed the stuff. I keep one container until the next one is empty. I never collect more than three. So I throw away the previous one or the next one. Always toss them after the reuse. I do keep a SMALL stack of worn out clothes or towels I- have- cut- into- rags, but I also use the whole pile if I am plastering or staining wood and toss them as they are used. And since I am naturally lazy, thats fun. Getting real reusable grocery bags stops that issue.

As for the kids toys all over--when my kids were little, my mother told me to get a toy box and a snow shovel...lol...it works!

I am no cleaning diva, but I have figured out a few things.

I came across a sign the other day which read "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life" and I couldn't help but to partially agree.

Switch to paper plates and throw them away when you are done with them. Resolve to scoop the litter box regularly because cats will hold it and eventually go elsewhere if they aren't content with the state of their litter box. This can lead to health problems for the cat, and a lot of money spent on enzymes to break down cat urine on things the cat has urinated on.

Don't aim for perfection. You're a messy person. Accept that. Your cleanliness goals should center around health and minimizing bug infestation by not allowing food or dishes to sit out and rot, and bleaching the sink, tub, and toilet when needed.

In other words, you need to prioritize your cleaning and not strive for unrealistic goals.

I'm also a fan of paper plates. When I had a roommate and we lived in a nice apartment I would clean it top to bottom spic and span often but then we moved into a crappier place and then it was like I could never get the floors clean looking so it became more of a hassle. I just told her to leave most of it to me & that way she couldn't dictate stuff. I don't like cleaning usually though unless it's a lot at once because it's so mindless but I'm not mindless so I just worry about other crap the whole time that I'm washing dishes or whatever. If I do a lot then I put on music I like and really exert myself so I feel like I'm getting something done.

My current problem is that I live with my father. He likes things his way and I like them my way but it's his house so I hate doing anything because I worry that I'll do it the wrong way or misplace something of his (which happens occasionally like when I'm tripping over his shoes so I move them & then I don't remember where I shoved them when he asks). I know that I should do more though. Plus my depression gets in the way too.

There are so many good suggestions here, I won't waste time by repeating them. However, I have found that by having handy cleaning supplies right next to where the area becomes dirtiest works very well. Some like to reduce clutter by having all their cleaning supplies in one place in the house, e.g. under the sink, in a closet, etc. I tried this method, but found that it makes sense to keep Windex and paper towels under EACH sink in the house, and toilet bowl cleaner in EACH bathroom, wastebaskets in each and every room, and so on. That way I can handle things quickly and without turning it into a big production. I quickly get overwhelmed by goals that have too many preparation steps necessary before actually carrying out the task.

Also, I have found a happy medium between the "file everything away immediately," and "just throw things into a pile until tax time" schools of thought. I have a bunch of stuff that isn't easily filed at all, because it's so random and I only have one of the item. I have two boxes: one is for anything to do with taxes/bookkeeping, and the other one is for every other bit of paper. I let them fill up and then, when it finally gets to me, I spend an hour or so filing, scanning or discarding.

I have gone paperless on nearly EVERY bank account/credit card/bill you can have, so that has reduced the clutter immensely.

I also make it a habit to make my bed EVERY day, and make sure the dishes get done EVERY day. I make the bed before I get dressed, and I make sure the dishes are done before I go to bed every night, which also helps me calm down before sleeping. Just focusing on those two tasks automatically turns my attention to other things these two rooms need, e.g. picking up clothes, getting laundry started, wiping down countertops, taking out garbage, etc. The bathroom, frankly, just gets gross for awhile until I really feel like doing it or I know someone is coming over. The very BEST way to get your house cleaned is to invite someone over for dinner!

Don't keep anything in your home that you aren't going to use often. Keep everything hygienic and keep everything that can break down up to date on maintenance. Store everything else in a storage shed if you can. I find living a fairly minimalist lifestyle without a lot of visual distractions to catch my eye to be the best bet for me.

That made me laugh because I was the same way. I never renewed an apartment lease because it forced me to clean at least once a year.