Being treated like a child as an adult.

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I cut off contact with some who have talked down to me, especially when they were shocked that I was able to get a driver's license and have a relationship.

I think my father will always act as if I'm ten years old. I tell him things about my job that I think he might find interesting and he responds with comments that sound like "oh, it's so cute that you think your little job is a career and important." The main problem I have is the way co-workers and sometimes clients I haven't worked with treat me--basically, like I am much younger than I am and not to be taken seriously. I'm small, look younger than my age, and while I speak like an adult in business situtations, I have been told that my voice has a child like quality. So unless I get a chance to really show my knowledge, I get treated like a child playing grown up.

I get called "darl" and "sweetie" and "love" all the time by middle aged women.

I'm 31, but don't look my age (never have)

I think I must have a helpless aura or something.

I know what you mean. I grew up in a small town. Everybody knew me. The kids were mean, but the adults were almost worse. I was THEIR freak. Almost like a mascot? And it was impossible to change that perception of myself in other people's minds.

When I was ready, I moved away. In my new city I was very careful about first impressions, playing 'normal' as hard as I could. Then, later, after people had an impression of me as adult who had her s**t together, I would gradually relax and be more myself.

lately I have stopped expressing opinions of any sort
and have restricted myself to the just responding to questions thing

and "mm - that looks nice" when given food etc

"have you seen...."

"its been a while since....."

type of stuff

I've had this happen from a few grocery store co-workers. Whenever I've mentioned my desire to have kids or become a policewoman they say things like "Why would you want to have a kid? Having kids is hard" or, "Are you sure you can take care of a kid?" They say things like that even though I have no debt and I live on my own!

And ones about the police woman job: "It's not glamorous and you have to have quick thinking," even though I've been in the frikken' military.

My name here on WP says it all as far as my family is concerned...they don't treat me like a child; they ignore me or "marginalize" me. I was also in the military (1 of the 2 jobs I was able to keep past the 90 day point), so in many ways I guess I'm past the "childhood" stage (I'm in my mid-40's.....)

My oldest sister just said (last week) that she no longer considers me her sister (wth?) and she thinks my Aspergers diagnosis is BS. WHAT AN IDIOT.

You don't want to be treated like an adult. Being an adult sucks.

I went through exactly the same thing last week! I got the courage to tell her I feel tense whenever I talk with her, as if I'm walking in a mine field with live explosives hidden everywhere. I sent her a link to a page about invalidation (because I recognize it now and thought it was a polite way for her to know I wanted her to stop doing those things to me) and I told her,

I re-read what I write countless times over to see if I said anything in a hateful manner. I spoke in a matter-of-fact tone mixed with some joking to try to relax what was serious and important for me to tell her.

Boy did that ever cause her to explode in anger! Wow! She ended her hate filled email by telling me that her and my other sister have wonderful lives and are (and will always be) close friends because I'm not like them.

I guess I don't have to be tense anymore. We had only talked twice in one month before last week after having not spoken for 18 yrs.

You'd think a woman that's 72 yrs. old wouldn't act childish and immature anymore.

What do you say to people who say Aspergers is BS?

Last edited by faithfilly on 14 Feb 2012, 5:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

That's fine provided that the person you're communicating with isn't continually degrading you with digging remarks such as, "we know where that came from" (insinuating me), etc.

When someone always expects you to come to them at their convenience and do everything their way while never compromising or even asking what you want, it ought to be clue that the relationship isn't quite balanced or equal. Having Aspergers doesn't mean others have the right to treat us like a dog.

Perhaps swearing and yelling reinforces their estimations...

I can't change my family's perceptions of me. They've always treated me like my behavior (the way I think) is a choice and something I control. That I'm different willingly. Because I can't fit in; I must be a bad person.

The best thing, for me and them, is for me to just walk away. I'm not responsible for their ignorance. Why should I raise my blood pressure trying to help them understand when they clearly think I don't have the right to exist?

If I'm wrong, I'm sure they'll tell me the next time they see me.

Find a new "family."

One word of caution though: Before you go cutting connections, make sure that your perceptions are true. Family ties can be of great value so you want to be sure. Everyone's got their own issues. Everyone gets caught up in their own moment. Isn't that what you're doing?

Cussing people out is generally considered highly offensive. What kind of response do you want? Do you expect people to overlook your behavior?

When I get mad at my older sister for something flip she says, I stop and consider her reality. She has her son, his bi-polar wife and their two kids (one with ADHD and the other newly born...) living with her and her husband. They had hoped to be retired by now but they're burdened with children who can't make it on their own. It's an insane situation for my sister. And she doesn't really know me anymore - only what I tell her, so I cut her slack because when I really need someone, she is there for me regardless of what she's going through.

What she says doesn't have to affect me at all. I let it pass like she's that lady in the line at the grocery store. I can make a smile and walk away. I can allow her to be an ass, as I'm sure she has allowed me.

My younger sisters? That's another story.

I did really well academically in school, so everyone knew I wasn't stupid. They knew I was just weird.
I graduated college, got married, etc. All the "normal" stuff.

Then I got a job at a store. I had actually turned in my resume to a manager at a different location, so no one at the store I was working in had seen it. Well, somehow I must have given them the "mentally challenged" vibe, because all five or six of them treated me like I had Downs Syndrome (no offense to people with Downs Syndrome, they are lovely folks). They made me face cans all day, every day. They kept "forgetting" some code they needed, so they wouldn't train me on the cash register. I literally wandered about all day doing nothing. Finally, after about a month of this, I walked into the back room and said "I quit".
It's kind of something I laugh about now, but it's also disturbing to know that I can come off that way to people who don't know my background. I swear, the way those people looked at me, it was like they were waiting for me to drool on the floor.

I've had this problem plenty between people simply keeing their conversation to things that show their belief that they can't have an adult conversation with me all the way to cutting me off religiously in conversation. Believe it or not though, what's seemed to help is learning to weild and display a bit of sycophant guile. I'll pretty much sit there, accept what's happening, not get mad, but still manipulate and try to steer things behind the scenes. I don't know why NT's have the correlation between a person being principled up front with stupidity or simplicity but, they do. It seems like when you can corrupt your social game a bit, not ethically corrupt it but just play it in ways that seem a bit multi-layer and potentially dirty, for whatever reason it garners more respect.

Knock them on their behinds. All of thinking has been for something after all...

I used to get that a lot. I've always looked much younger than I am. I guess a lot of us do.

I'm old enough now not to really care anymore. What really makes if funny is when it comes from people half my age. It was annoying, very annoying for a long time. Now it's just amusing. Especially when they find out I had already graduated from high school when they were still filling their diapers.

I am 45 and a male. I live with my 75 year old mother. Once in a while she has me do something simple and watches and tries to talk me through it. I try to reply with something like "let me figure it out" and she talks over me. I feel like a soda can someone just shook up that is near bursting. I want to explode. I"m treated like crap by my mother. She gets very upset over very tiny details. I can't ever say anything back to her she just talks to me. My brothers are suggesting I move out. I have some health problems and am just tired all day some days. I don't know how much more of this I can take.