Aspie wants to give up on life

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I think a big part of it is that once someone has been out of work for a while it almost becomes the first thing a potential employer sees, that it essentially becomes a label. To the discredit of the employer, but also to the cost of the person looking for the job.

Okay, I followed H1N1 swine flu closely and have thought about going back to school for biological research (and yes, much of the response to H1N1 was an overreaction, but I'm not sure that could have been known ahead of time). Biggest factor might be the oneupsmanship, and the fact that since I have a different set of skills, I'm usually either way ahead of someone or way behind. I want to have some reasonable chance of getting colleagues.

My boyfriend does not do well in the job area. He recently got into some temp agency that has been great at finding him temp jobs. He does not have any school degrees and he needs to get his GED still. We actually moved out of state to an area with more jobs for him to find work. He still has had a hard time and I think this is what caused him to become so depressed. He even made comments that he wasn't good enough for "this" job he applied for or "this" other one. Through the temp agency, he has found one place that has really let him know they like him. They want to take him on full time in about 3-4 months. So, things are getting better.

Update...he told me on the weekend that he thinks I can do better and that I deserve better than him. I told him that I love him and want to understand/appreciate his needs in the relationship. That it's my choice in who I give my love to and he's it. He said he just doesn't want to hurt me because he doesn't know how he feels. I expressed that my greatest fear is that he doesn't know what he is losing and will realize once it is too late. He said that he just wants to feel something and he doesn't think it's right if he doesn't. I told him that he needs to start looking into (with me if he wants) his diagnosis. That it's ok to feel not so attached to me or his family at times or miss us when he is gone with friends. I really think he is feeling this way because of all the frustration he has had with finding work. I've been really trying to be a lot more positive with him and making statements that everything is going to be ok. Yesterday was a breakthrough finally. He was smiling again and being affectionate with me. He went to work today on a much better note then he was last week.

Sounds like he is pretty lucky to have you. I mean, I know unemployed guys get girls and Aspy guys get girls, but usually the two combined are detrimental to your chances with the fairer sex. Just my experience....wish I had a woman as supportive as you! Guess I will just have to rely on my mother lol.

Thanks. You know I wish my bf knew that. Sometimes I feel that he is checking out his chances with other girls sometimes to see if he feels anything. Not cheating but entertaining the possibility of another person in his life. Perhaps, he has just given up on himself and at that point there is nothing I can do.

I think it's a lot like joining a fraternity or sorority. As you're learning what the entry standards are, it's hard not to see yourself through their eyes.

One thing, realize how silly a lot of "human resource" standards are, yes, play the game with increasing skill as you learn more, but realize it is a game.

And also, realize this is the biggest economic downturn since the Great Depression (which in fairness was several times worse). But what's going on right now is worse than the early 2000s with Enron and Global Crossing, and it's worse than the recession of 91, 92 with the "downsizing" and a big reason that George Bush, Sr lost his re-election for the presidency.

Just like job hunting, hard not to see yourself through their eyes. And yes, some women can be amazingly superficial. I don't want to miss out on someone who's open and reasonable because I've had a run of frustrating experiences, but of course easier said than done.

I've had some luck with women two or three years older than myself.

What if you guys, say, join the Sierra Club or find a cool coffee shop and perhaps become one of the regulars? Your boyfriend might see that he can become socially successful somewhat on his own terms without trying so hard.

No, no, no.... this is not a viable option for either party, the 'boyfriend' will not feel better for having someone stay with him under these circumstances [pity, fear, anxiety] and if he did it is unhealthy for him to get off on that, he may well feel worse and 'donkey77' will not benefit from a relationship steeped in anxiety, fear and founded on pity.

I have been 'the boyfriend', I suffer from continued ongoing depression and don't feel any particular attachment or even affection for anyone in my family nor do I have or pursue friendships, I would throw myself in front of a truck but for two things, 1/ I don't want to mess with the truck driver and 2/ I find it easier to physically harm others than myself, for this reason I ruminate on my own end daily but do nothing [my days of pointless unsuccessful suicide attempts are gone] I am looking for the real chance.

I sympathise with you here 'donkey77' my ex girlfriends have had varying experiences of varying degrees of crap when it comes to me, each of them has been 'the only person I could 'love'' and each has been hurt to some degree.

I think perhaps you are both young, am I right? You have both had the chance to enjoy an intimaciy and a sense of connection with someone which is great, however human life paths do not run parallel indefinately and the nature of human relationships is that they are an ongoing exchange of energy inputs, if he has reached the point where the relationship is no longer getting him 'high' then he should move on, what he chooses is his concern and what he chooses to do from now on is only his concern. I think perhaps you need to worry about yourself, it would be all too easy to distract yourself from the pain of loosing this relationship by preoccupying yourself with 'what about him' issues but this would only extend the greiving period you must ultimately go through alone, likewise don't rebound onto the next good looking option.

I don't think it likely he will kill himself [judging by what little you have said] and if he did then he actually has the right to that choice - cold as that may sound. In your shoes I would let him go and move on and be glad you had a good thing if even only for a while.

Good luck and peace j