Told today at work, 'You never smile...'

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OK I get that smiling does not come naturally to you, some theorize it is a mirror neuron difference in the brain that does that. And there are plenty of NTs who maybe smiling on the outside at work and grumpy on the inside, they just know a smile works wonders, well most of the time anyhow.

As you know in the NT world smiling is social validation and eases communications. You could try smiling at work as an experiment and see if people treat you different. When you have to tell that driver or customer that something is not going to arrive on time, try smiling as you say it, even if you are on the phone.

And having a twenty year old tell you 'you have to change that'. Well my automatic reaction would be 'stuff it kid' too. However he is young enough and foolish enough to be honest with you while the other adults will not bother.

If it is completely impossible for you to smile, then you cannot. But you might want to give it a try, as a scientific experiment.

From wikipedia on 'the smile'

“Service with a Smile”---This has always been at the core of American businesses since the beginning of the 1900s. Research continually proves that this is true; smiling really does increase attractiveness and likability between humans. In fact, people who tend to smile produce what is called the halo effect, which correlates with greater trust, greater financial earnings, and increased interpersonal cooperation.[5] In a time of increased stress due to cutbacks, high debt, and increasing family issues, employees are often required to work with a distressed public. However, a smile tends to convey respect, patience, empathy, hospitality and compassion. For example, when an employee smiles at a stressed customer, and exhibits excellent listening skills, most of the time, there is a report of total customer satisfaction.[6] Research also reports that people receive more help when they smile. Even the smile of a stranger produces more “Good Samaritan” effects on the receiver.[7] When you smile, even memory retrieval of your name is enhanced as is shown in neuroscience research, versus people who have neutral facial expressions.[8]

I used to get this a lot. I am a woman and the remark always came from a male.

One time I was walking through the mall (augh!) and then a strange male (augh!!) says to me (AUGH!) "Hey, turn that frown upside down!"

Getting attn from a stranger that I was not expecting to get was bad enough since I tend to work from "scripts" in my head that I have honed over many yrs, and it sort of paralyzed me.

But then I got mad...

"Would you say something like this to man?" I asked him.

"Do you think you can call out to a woman because you feel superior to her? I'm 20 yrs older than you and you call out to me to smile? Were you raised in a barn? Do you have no manners? " I probably said some more stuff after that. I was so upset by this I was on edge for hours afterwards. Granted, I was upset for hours because I am a loon. I get that. But still. Turn that frown upside down. F you, buddy. F you, indeed.

This happens to me at school. Teachers keep asking me if I'm fine. Then I smile and nod repeatedly until they leave me alone.

I think every time someone tells me to smile Ill say something like, "but my dog died yesterday" or "my dad has cancer and is dying" which will not only make the person quit but will also embarrass him for being so presumptuous!

I get told to smile more by family, peers. Work is the only place I'll force a smile. My real friends will ask me, if anything, what's wrong. The smartest will say nothing at all - it's just who I am and that's the way it SHOULD be. I laugh and smile when I want to, and not for society or anyone else.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qghHwB1ZW5A&NR=1[/youtube]

As a child I used to get told off by teachers for not smiling enough. Today I get told I either look miserable, scared or stressed. Usually my mood at the time is fairly neutral. I wish I knew the secret to having an all-round positive and smiley attitude, but I don't.

When I am thinking people ask me what is wrong? I must have a pained look on my face. I think I do more slight smiling, maybe into the realm of smirking, than full toothy grin. A full smile feels awkward and makes me appear not quite right. I do smile with my eyes however.

I've actually been accused of smiling too much. Or at least told "You're always smiling!" which is weird because I don't think I am always smiling. I get upset too. But if there is something to smile about, I do. I smile when I talk to people usually as an unconscious reflex to try to improve the social interaction, I think. Whatever works for you. There's no problem in not smiling. Consider if you want or need to change before you go worrying too much about his advice.

I tell people that I smile on the inside, which is true. It just doesn't reflect much on my face. It comes out as a smirk most of the time, a slight curl u only on the left part of my face.

When I do smile big, I look like a wolf baring it's fangs, which scares people. Anyway, I'm so used to this problem that I normally circumvent it by explaining how my face works to my coworkers early in a new job. Like in the first month or so. Sometimes that helps. Not always.