Am I being horrible? (1st post, long, sorry)

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all I want is that he tells me HE KNOWS and HE UNDERSTANDS why and who I'm running around for. That'll do the job.

He thinks people shouldn’t do anything for one another unless been asked. When I was overwhelmed by all the financial worries and housework when I was 8 month pregnant, I was all in tears and I asked him ‘how come you never helped?’ he simply replied ‘you never asked’. He was cross with me because I was ‘expecting him to read my mind’.

I'm not suicidal but I'm very very depressed and also see no way out in my 13 years of marriage.
No doubt that he loves me and we both agreed that he might be AS (undiagnosed).
But this piece of information doesn’t provide any well-needed comfort for me.
I sometimes just want to quit, but I know something is good inside him although this good doesn’t always come with the support that I need. He loves his family too but he cannot easily ‘divert’ his attention so he often prioritizes his own agenda before his family. As in it is an ‘accident’.
This is his love. This is his best. He has no other intention but love me and I believe that is the truth.
We have been sleeping separately on and off for a few years now (since 2007). I've given up on trying because trying to ‘staying close’ as a couple is just too painful for me.
By giving up pursuing the ideal - intellectual and physical intimacy I freed myself from seeing us as a married couple. I invented this scenario – where we’re just friends, we share a home and a child but we’re just 2 separate individuals. This makes me less upset and less angry. Getting rid of these negative emotions was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done and very beneficial for my AS spouse.
I apologized to him and stressed that the problems that I have is not knowing how to cope with his inability to seek to my needs (and our daughter’s emotional needs as well). I cannot offer anything else other than being his friend and keeping peace at the cost of me stop being his wife. (No expectations no arguments)
I know he’s not happy about this but nobody should live with frequent arguments and shouting. ‘I don’t mind whatever makes you happy’ he says. I especially don’t fancy continue being "expected" to explain things (relationships/ people/ our child’s reaction/ how not to be late/ how not to be rude etc) to him because the more I try to fulfil this role as a teacher/ therapist the more I resent the role – it killing off all the romantic feelings I had for him. I tried many times to rekindle but recently I found myself hated the whole thing because some of his attitude and doings still send me to the same emotional roller-coaster ride.
I’m sad that I only found out about Asperger’s 2 years ago when I feel I cannot turn back or reconciliation/ rekindle our marital relationship anymore. I've lost all that feelings for him.
As I admitted, the weaknesses are all mine. If I’m a stronger woman I will not let his inabilities drag me down. I should be able to ‘simply explain the problem to him without getting upset and tell him exactly what to do’ as he put it. I still find some of the things he said and done unforgivable. I have bags of problems of my own I really cannot carry him anymore.
I know he loves me. I know if I turn around, he’ll happily resume our old relationship.
But I don’t.
Is it wrong to want to divorce my spouse because I no longer willing to be his therapist/ mentor/ only friend/ wife? I suppose what I’m really asking is I want to free myself from this huge duty, please don’t hate me.

I suppose as another resort you could simply walk away for a little while?

This is a very good trick to do when I'm getting really upset or wound up about things...

I don't know if this will help or not, but this is not a specific AS trait, this is a bloke thing.

No it's not wrong to divorce him. If it's dragging you down and making you depressed because he can't give you what he wants, then divorce is the option if he is unwilling to work at it.

Hi Swimmingfish. Your post struck a big chord with me. In fact it almost made me laugh out loud. When my husband realises he has really hurt my feelings, he also cleans. We had a row the other day and he vacuumed the whole house! The more upset I am the more practical stuff he does to show me his is sorry. But he reverts back to the same behaviours. I share your frustration because I know it will never get better and do I just accept the same cycle and stay unhappy? I don't think I could ever bring myself to leave him because I love him and would never want to break up our family (we have small children). I have posted today on the general discussion board about this. Good luck. x