NTMale dating AS Female - I am depressed! - PLEASE HELP ME!!

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I did this to my NT husband too. Well, technically he moved in the night of our first real date, so there wasn't much of an issue with calling each other-- but I definitely had no clue about the emotional requirements of the Homo sapiens neurotypicalis male. Here I thought it was him being a Cancer...

You are probably never going to get regular status updates the way you would out of an NT girl. Speaking for myself (AS female) I am very independent-minded. When DH didn't want me to go anywhere or do anything without his knowing my exact where (and when) abouts, I wondered what I had done to make him distrust me and resented being "parented." I distinctly remember screaming, "My FATHER didn't ask for this much information!!" on more than one occasion.

That said, I can understand wanting to hear more out of her than what is strictly necessary. I'd agree with the suggestion of having a routine-- maybe not at any specific time, but "Call me when you get off work and tell me you're OK and you love me" might suffice. Give it some time to take root-- if she's like me, her head is full of patients when she leaves work, and that's what she thinks about all the way home.

Don't worry too much about appearing needy-- Just tell her you need to hear from her because you get lonely. Then it's not something she's doing wrong-- it's your need. You might catch some flak for being high-maintainence-- but at least you won't get a meltdown for finding fault with an Aspie chick. Again speaking for myself, once I got a cell phone I liked the fact that this was a need of his I could actually fulfill-- as long as the conversations don't have to run on and on and on.

Diagnosed Aspie female here with ADHD and possibly Aspie husband. We have been married for over 30 years. When we moved in together I didn't know to leave a note when I was not going to be home. Several times I returned home to a person frantic with worry but a few days later he would do the same thing to me. Our solution was to create pieces of paper with words like Store, Library, or Walking written on them and to put the notes on a clip by the front door when we left to do whatever was on the note. We still do that so we have a clue where the other person is. People laugh when they see our collection of notes. We have cell phones but I forget to keep mine with me because I hate talking on phones, that or I turn it off. Husband keeps his off during work hours. It takes a huge amount of energy for me to hold it together emotionally while at work. Pretending to be NT for 8+ hours is hard! By the time I got home (from work), all I wanted to do was isolate myself and recover. Husband is on the go all the time, feels the need to "do something". He would get angry at me because I wanted to stay home. Now I usually stay home while he goes out in public. He was too attentive (clingy) when we were dating. I was happy seeing him once a week but he wanted more contact. My job took too much time and energy for me to want to see him more often. When we married I learned to say polite phrases when he leaves for work in the morning and greet him when we see each other in the evening. As a show of my love I pay the bills, grocery shop, clean and cook. Still no great conversations but lots of mutual respect. It has been at least 6 months since either one of us has said "I love you". We forget. For me actions are more important than words. I don't like to be touched when I sleep so we have separate beds with visiting rights. I need advance warning about events, but not so much that I forget. I use electronic reminders set for first a week, reset to 2 days, reset to 1 day, reset to 2 hours. Daniel, all Aspies are unique so my traits may not be the same as your girlfriend. Best of luck to you.