Hi, new with question, need help, advice, etc

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Now that I think of it, it may have been b6. I'm pulling up a mental image of the bottle...

I figure, ya try something. If it works, terrific. If it doesn't, ya move on. At least when its natural and all side effects have all ready been check out.

Good to know what you wrote, because I have it on next months shopping list at the health food store: Vit B 6. Now if I get it and it did not work, I might think to myself: "This is proof my husband does not have aspergers." I still am insecure about this, so its helpful to know it may not always work.

Apparently it worked on some children in medical trials. Probably not everyone responds to the exact same medical treatment. But thats my logic talking. My concerns keep wondering about adhd vs aspergers. Yet this has only been a few days worth of my trying to figure this out. In time I will get it. I hope.

ASPERGER'S IS NOT A DAMN DISEASE. It is a pervasive developmental disorder meaning it deals with the brain. by the way if I have made you mad sory but it is peoples compleat ignorance about Asperger"s Syndrom, Autism and all the other diferent diagnosisy that are pervasive developmental disorders that makes me mad. HEAR IS ASPERGER'S PUT IN A WAY YOU MIGHT UNDERSTAND ENJOY AND LEARN


Asperger’s Syndrome is a condition on the autistic spectrum that affects how someone makes sense of the world, processes information and relates to other people. Whether you live with Asperger’s yourself or want to support someone who does, this Cheat Sheet give you the helpful hints you need to make the right choices.


Recognising the Characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome
Unusual behaviour is characteristic of people with Asperger’s Syndrome or other conditions on the autism spectrum. The autism spectrum applies to people who have difficulty with social communication, social interaction and social imagination.

Unwritten social rules and social expectations are widespread in our society. If a pause occurs in conversation, people fill it with chit chat about the weather, even if they aren’t particularly interested in the weather. People ask other people if they’re feeling okay out of politeness, rather than because they really want to know the true answer. These sorts of social niceties are often a mystery to people with Asperger’s Syndrome. In fact, many people with Asperger’s Syndrome have to learn such things by rote, if they’re able to learn them at all.

If you have Asperger’s Syndrome, you may have difficulties with the following things:

•Understanding social interactions, social rules and social expectations

•Recognising other people’s feelings and emotions (by their facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language and gestures)

•Making friends and keeping friends, even though you may want to have friends

•Making conversation (knowing when to start or end a conversation and what to talk about)

•Understanding jokes, sarcasm, idioms and metaphors (you may take language very literally)

•Figuring out what other people are thinking (you may find other people confusing and unpredictable)

•Imagining alternative outcomes to a given situation
Pros and Cons of Asperser's Syndrome Diagnosis
Some people feel very relieved when they or their child receives an accurate diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome or another Autistic Spectrum Condition. Other people feel that a label stigmatises them and aren’t happy using the label to describe themselves. Thinking about the pros and cons of diagnosis and what it means for you, your child and family is worthwhile.

Here are some of the pros and cons that you may want to consider:

First, the pros:

•An accurate diagnosis gives people with ASCs and their families access to the right specialist support and services.

•An early diagnosis for children provides access to early intervention, which may increase opportunity and quality of life later on.

•A diagnosis acts as a signpost to professionals, family and friends to help them know how best to support the individual.

•A diagnosis may help you to understand yourself and the struggles or successes you have faced in your life.

•A diagnosis may bring a sense of relief.

•A diagnosis may give access to appropriate financial help.

Now the cons:

•You may feel that having a label is demeaning.

•A diagnosis emphasises disability and makes people see a label rather than an individual person.

•A diagnosis may make you feel upset, guilty or angry.

•A diagnosis may be difficult to come to terms with.
Helping a Child with Asperger’s Syndrome Communicate
Children with Asperger’s Syndrome or another condition on the autism spectrum often struggle to understand what’s being said to them. To get around this, you can try several different communication styles. First, make your instructions, questions or conversation clear. To make sure you’re communicating clearly, try the following:

•Speak slowly, and give only one instruction at a time: For example, rather than saying, ‘Go and brush your teeth then get dressed,’ ask your child to brush his or her teeth, then wait until that task is finished before you ask your child to get dressed. The same thing goes with questions. One thing at a time is always best.

•Avoid sarcasm, metaphors and idioms: People on the spectrum find these really difficult to understand because they tend to take words and expressions literally. So if you want your child to know that you’re keeping an eye on him or her, don’t tell your child that (you can’t put an eye on someone without doing yourself a lot of damage) or worse, say “I’ve got eyes in the back of my head” (how scary!). If you remark that it’s “raining cats and dogs,” expect your child to look outside and be a little confused.

•Be clear about what you mean, and be concrete when you talk about abstract concepts: This applies especially with things like feelings, which children on the spectrum will have even more difficulty understanding.

•Be patient and give your child plenty of time to respond to any questions or requests: It will take your child more time to process verbal information than you may expect, so count to ten before expecting a response or before repeating your question.
Getting Along with a Sibling Who Has Asperger’s Syndrome
Finding out about Asperger’s Syndrome will help you get along with a sibling with the condition. The more you know, the more you’ll be able to understand your sibling. Get to know how AS impacts on his or her life. This knowledge will help you avoid scenarios that may cause conflict, and you’ll know how to help your sibling out when he or she gets into difficulties.

Helpful tips for getting along with siblings include

•Give them space and time to be alone: Sometimes your sibling will need to be solitary, so don’t interrupt them.

•Be as calm and as patient as you can with them: Even if they’ve just broken your favourite CD; don’t lose your temper. Explain why you’re upset or cross and then let it go.

•Use clear language, and let your sibling know how you feel: Remember that people with AS can only know that they’ve upset you or done something you don’t like if you actually tell them.

•Accept them for who they are: Having a diagnosis of AS doesn’t change a person; he or she is still your sibling.

•Use their special interests or skills as a motivator to spend time with you: Offer to attend a game fair, play chess, do a puzzle or whatever else they particularly enjoy.

•Be patient and give them time to talk to you: Try chatting on car journeys when you don’t need to look each other in the eye and you won’t be interrupted.

•Try to put yourself in their shoes: Consider what living in an autism-unfriendly world is like, where most people don’t understand you and you find communicating with others very difficult.

•Show them that you care and that they have someone on whom they can depend for help, however they may want it: Support your sibling in any way you can; at times you may be the closest person to your sibling, and knowing you’re there can be hugely important to him or her.

Don't swear at me!

Don't yell or get mad at me!

Don't tell me what I "have" to believe, or am allowed to talk about!

I wrote this post not to discuss the politics or proper wording, or whatever else, about Aspergers. If it hits too close to home for you, thats something you need to take up for yourself. I wrote my post to get MEDICAL help of what work to heal my family member.

All ready I mention to you in a previous post that I was not interested in psychology etc of what is considered normal for example, as opposed to the popular opinion of abnormal. That is not my interest at this point in time.

In the same post I also said, I was not even thinking if the aspergers was being done right or wrong, this never crossed my mind. Now you make this huge post that has nothing to do with helping me, but circles back around to your interests? Fine, anyone can post their interests, but don't act like its to help me. Your angry. Its to express what ticks you off.

I only skimmed the rest of your post because when someone starts the very first few words in bold, accusing me of calling aspergerts a disease, which by the way I have not done, but that will be MY choice to make, so when a post starts out like that, I do not read too much of it or take it seriously.

You have a mission you've put yourself on. Thats fine. Take it over to the threads and forums that focus on the politics etc of austicm. I came here for help! I just want to learn how to assit my family. And I have a right to figure out wither "I" feel he has aspergers or not for however long it takes 'me' to get clear on that. If it bothers you, maybe you shouldn't be reading.

We have gone thru enough and dont need intensity, that when I reach out for help on behalf of myslef, my husband, and my kids, I told off. The focus of my thread was different from what you're turning it into. And you'll need to develop some patience that I dont instantly come to the conclusions you have. I dont have time right now to come to such understandings. First I need to figure out how to live each day, how to get peace here, to get medical/herbal and behavior help.

Besides, most of what you put below was for a child. I am dealing with adult aspergers here, so again, your reply shows its not about responding to my cry for assistance, but your personal political agenda. I'd rather you dont reply to me anymore, tho I can't force that.

EDITED: Just read more of what you wrote and you have not told me one thing I don't all ready know.

Whear you clearly called Asperger's a disease is in bold an underlined. I WILL JUTST PEACFULY STAND MY GROUND AND I REST MY CASE AND ANY FUTHER DEALINGS WITH.

Now you are putting me down as stupid too.

Before, I was feeling happy here, met those who were kind to me, understanding. It gave hope. Until the posting you just made.

Now it appears have some position here, so its useless for me to ask for much. I probably will just stop coming back.

Three days ago I figured out my husband might be aspie, and I am already getting rebuked. If wondering why I'm responding stressed or can't get into the various points you made, notice that its only been three days!

I am almost being censored in the fact that, if I don't present aspers in accord to what is politically correct, I get in trouble. Should have gotten out of your head to see what is going on in the head of someone in distress, someone who needs help.

I thank everyone else who has tried to see thru my eyes a moment, walk in my shoes, and tried to answer questions specific to whats going on in my household.

Not sure I'll be returning but thats ok, because the bit of discussion I experienced here has lead me to learn so much in a short time. It also opened doors leading me to other sites where I am learning, actually learning without judgement, about Aspergers. What applies to us, and what does not. What would be helpful for us, and what would not. I can freely ask questions, or just read peacefully.

Thank you and bye.

Last edited by FlowerPower on 22 Feb 2012, 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I "forgot" about that. Three days in and surely I'm expected to have the nomenclature perfect.

Interesting how you gave little interest to my "main" points, which were how I was trying to save the marriage, or not blame him for something that wasn't his fault. Its as if you have been 'sitting in waiting' for me to say something you disapproved of, then to jump all over that. You are on a mission, please save it for those who need to hear it and are not new at this.

And whatever this "standing your ground" or "resting your case" is all about, it certainly is devoid of heart. There was no battle here, you made one.

My mistake was proof reading my post, and in that time, there was that reply.

As a self-diagnosed aspie, I can understand why DJRaven66 has got a bit worked up about this, Flowerpower. Your initial post suggested that you were looking for help to assess whether your husband has Asperger's or not - so please don't be cross when people offer you descriptions or lists of characteristics. I believe that the Cheat List descriptions of Asperger's were offered to help you to assess whether your husband has Asperger's, and to clarify the characteristics and offer practical solutions.

You said:

"I wrote this post not to discuss the politics or proper wording, or whatever else, about Aspergers. If it hits too close to home for you, thats something you need to take up for yourself. I wrote my post to get MEDICAL help of what work to heal my family member."

I have to say that I don't think this forum is the place to seek medical help - we are not medical professionals or experts, and many of us simply draw on our own personal experience etc when replying to posts. However, there are other threads about husbands and Asperger's - these may perhaps be helpful to you?

Best wishes, and I hope I haven't offended you in this message - that's not my intention.

Yes i did get a bit worked up. Sory about that. That was not what i ment to do.
Btw thanks for backing me up millymollymandy.

OK, both you guys, chill.

DJRAVEN-- She's completely new to this. There's a lot she doesn't know-- like just how easy it is to put an Aspie on the defensive. Cut the lady a break-- Aspies of all people should be the last ones to crawl down someone's throat for not having picked up the preferred politically correct attitude.

FlowerPower-- Quite a few of us are quick to insult, because we're quick to perceive insult. Cut a lot of us a break. YOU spend a lifetime being told-- from all sides-- that you are bad, selfish, broken, stupid [fill-in-the-blank nasty judgment here] when you are doing your best and you don't understand why and see how YOU feel.

Imagine that just about the whole darn world treats you the way your husband does when he's having a really bad day-- a lot of the time, for no reason that you can pinpoint, and then they tell you it's all your fault and you ought to know why. You'd have a bad attitude too.

We're all in emotional situations and states that, in one way or another, really bite. So everyone, cut everyone else a little bit of a break. OK????

I'm of the camp that it's neither disease nor necessarily disability (dependent upon one's definition of disability). It's a DIFFERENCE. And let's face it-- there are a lot of differences that Homo sapiens does not deal well with. We're still learning to cope with the idea that people can have a different SKIN COLOR or CULTURAL NORM and still be people all the same. Read The Help and understand that a book about the 60's-- fifty short years ago-- is considered ground-breaking in 2009-- three short years ago-- and then cut our poor, pitiful, arrogant species a little slack for how far it has yet to go simply to eliminate its own oxymorons and live up to its own highest constructs of what is moral.

Now-- Why on Earth would it matter??? Because our differences are something we have to cope with. We have to learn to bridge the gaps and get along. And ALL of us like to have ways to organize and understand the information that is critical to understanding those differences.

Once you uncouple it from the value judgments-- a VERY difficult thing to do-- that is what a label is. I'm oversimplifying, yes, but-- soup cans have labels so we can tell what is in the identical steel cans. We put labels on people so we can try to understand what is inside the menagerie of really rather similar fleshly packages. The trick is remembering that it is an oversimplification, that people are infinitely more complex than cans of Campbell's.

If we can understand, then we can begin to formulate a plan to deal with it. If we can being to formulate a plan, we feel we can cope. If we feel we can cope, we feel better about ourselves and our situations-- we have, in other words, hope. It makes it possible for us to tolerate the frustration that is known as LIFE.

Now-- a few notes, nice lady. Arriving at a diagnosis-- or not-- isn't going to change WHO HE IS. I have a diagnosis-- have known it was there for the last 15 years-- and I am still an Aspie. Still see myself as a person in equal standing who has a right to have her idiosyncrasies respected and her needs met (at least as much as anyone else).

The question you have to ask yourself is not, "How can he be fixed?" It is not even, "Can he be fixed?" He's not broken-- if it ain't broken, don't fix it. This is the way a very smart psychiatric nurse at an intensive treatment program explained it to me when I got my diagnosis and ended up suicidal because I couldn't accept myself and I couldn't be happy forcing myself to "look NT"-- It's really nothing other than a set of personality traits.

You would never force someone to try to change their entire personality. You would ask yourself whether or not, with understanding on both parts, you can live with this personality. If the answer is YES, you work on understanding and go forward together. If the answer is NO, you part ways and go forward separately.

Reference the discussion about labels, understanding, hope.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not being very clear. I'm trying to get all my thoughts out while my kids are screaming and I'm going over a mental list of housework and stuff to be ready for my MIL's shoulder replacement that's hopefully going down tomorrow. And I suck at multitasking, so I probably should stop trying.

I hope you can distill some sense out of this, honey. It's a lot to take in. Hang in there.

You're welcome. I think I can understand why you got worked up.

Personally, I don't think it is right for someone to try to diagnose or fit a label to another person. Saying that you are doing it to try to heal them doesn't wash with me - if you love someone, you will accept them as they are and support them, not look to medicate them in order to make them 'better'. That's just my opinion, of course