When someone you know is seriously ill, or dying...

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I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable when someone you know has had a death in the family. Im still not good at it even thought I think Im much better since I lost my nephew many years ago and recently lost my son in August. Actually though since I am still in serious grief for my son its difficult to "be there" for other people.

It is unfortunate that, when one chooses not to display emotion, it is assumed that they do not feel it.

There is nothing I can say that will change what happened, so I don't say much at all. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better, so I don't invite them to try by behaving in an emotionally demonstrative manner.

I mean, those kinds of conversations can all be boiled down to;

"I feel badly about what happened."
"I'm sorry you feel badly. I do as well."
"Wouldn't it be better if it hadn't happened?"
"Yes."

I fail to see how this sort thing is helpful.

I do care about other's pain, but the only way it ever occurs to me to show it is by doing. Like staying overnight every night while my father was in the hospital. Or taking care of little things like picking up the food for the inevitable family gatherings.

I'm always the first person my family calls on when there's something that needs doing, they know I'll take care of them. But, when it comes time to talk about it, the same people look at me like some kind of unfeeling monster.