Chat session goes Bad.

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You know it's bad when I didn't notice that he didn't say if he was going to the dance or not either!

You should have ended with returning to the dance, either I'm going or I'm not going or I'll see you there or I might go, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Part of the problem is trying to have a serious chat conversation. It's really, really hard to pick up on if the person wants something lighter or would be alright with something more in-depth. As it turns out, she just wanted to talk lightly about things. Maybe one of her idiosyncracies is that she doesn't like to do more than small-talk in chat, she certainly alludes to that at the end.

From what I see though, it looks like you're trying to get her to tell you more personal things, or express herself more to you, and she's not biting. I'd guess that that happens IRL too sometimes. IF there's still the opportunity for closeness (emotional closeness), she's got to be the person to start it. It looks to me though like it's time to pursue someone else.

Hey Moondust:

Sure, I 'd be interested in hearing your commentary. Sorry I didn't get back here sooner, I didn't notice there was a second page of comments.

I don't think you badly misunderstood her. She said:



Which does read as if there is lots to be done, no-one else does it so she's left having to do it on her own.

She admits elsewhere in the chat that she gets bored easily. It seems as if this applies to her conversations as well, as she was clearly annoyed and trying to get out of the conversation after your comment irritated her.

I didn't think you were being over-serious or going on too much, just clarifying whether you'd upset her. Some people spend a ridiculous amount of their conversation joking and making humour, and if people don't understand them every time (which is difficult by online text) they get irritated because their audience doesn't appreciate their 'show'.

Did she actually mention anything about her mum being like that in the past, or was it just your assumption about elderly mothers and their daughters? If the former, then it wasn't an unreasonable assumption you made about her having visited her mother. If the latter, a very small faux pas, but then this is what we do isn't it.

Either way, if she is so intolerant to your minor misunderstandings, then she sounds like too stressful an acquaintance to have for you.

I just wanted to add that, after spending a couple decades trying to figure people out well enough to get along with them, I have yet to meet a single human being that doesn't have their own issues.... The trick is trying to figure out what they are and what to, or not to, do about them. Throw Asperger's into the mix and watch the hilarity ensue.....

I can do the same thing others here have mentioned and offer you a blow by blow analysis of the conversation, but I think you did alright considering. You apologized (Always a good first step, even if you're not the one in the wrong IMHO, youd be amazed how much it can mean to some people even with no further action, though Id suggest not doing it unless you do actually mean it, even if its an apology for something other then what the other party might believe you to be apologizing for), and suggested an alternate route to take, apparently as far as I can tell, in response to problem she presented you with (That being that she didn't want to do serious chat with you). Thats pretty damn good in my book. At least you didn't keep trying to analyze her in the face of her unhappiness.....

She also helped a little by telling you directly what at least some of her problems were (Even if she only deflected from others). Thats a good thing, even if its not the most productive to deflect from ones issues rather then getting into them. Im guessing shes NT from the way she handled the conversation, but being 54 leaves room for the possibility of a few things. Aren't people's complexities fun?

After that, Id disagree with the people that are unilaterally saying you should ditch her and move on.... In my experience, living with another person has less to do with "How happy you are together" and more to do with "How much you can tolerate from the other person"..... Everyone having their own issues, boils down in my mind to, the people that are most likely to succeed together are the ones that can either find common ground in their issues or come to some kind of acceptable or even happy making way of dealing with each others issues, and theres probably as many ways of doing this as there are people in the world (And just as many ways to screw it up)..... IE, Point being, Dont write her off because of a few misunderstandings in chat. Write her off because she repeatedly refuses to try to live with or understand the problems that caused the misunderstandings in the first place; *IF* and when it becomes apparent she has decided to do so (Of which I see no evidence in what you've posted).....

Of course, at the end of the day, its your life, so do what you want. But it sounded like you liked her enough to be worried about it enough to post here about it..... So not for nothing, but go easy on her till you find something you know you can't live with....

Good Luck,
Aldran