AS Husband Really Needs Advice

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yes this is a tough one. she wants interaction and intimacy, she seemingly has an infiite capacity and desire for it, but it tires you out and frazzles your brain. i havent found an answer for this. it's an ongoing tension. one thing that helps is explaining male brains are different and don't have the capacity for this, which helps her a bit.

there's an old book called What could he be thinking? which helps a bit on this

Dear All,

My apologies for being off-line for so long. I thought I would post an update. Basically, having been on the verge of divorce in August, our marriage is now better than ever. It´s almost like the first few dates, except with the added knowledge and wisdom of my condition and what it means for us both.
The most helpful things for me have been (in no order):
- 10 min daily reflection on where I am and how I am behaving. I use a checklist to think around.
- Setting electronic and written reminders of things that need doing. And I mean emotional things, not chores. An NT would think it is crazy to set a reminder to hug my wife, but it is working. Strongly suggest book "The Journal of Best Practices" by David Finch.
- Stop for 15 min after work and have a cup of tea with wife when I come home. No distractions, no other priorities.
- I found a counsellor who I am doing telephone sessions with from Germany to UK. He has extensive AS experience. Helps to have a grounding, chance to reflect and look at things from alternative perspective.

Some will say I should not have to manage my AS and I respect people who do not see a reason to change. However, I felt my marriage was worth saving. Plus I don´t like the person which AS makes me sometime and I find that management techniques mentioned above prevent me becoming that person.

@mechman deeply positive and helpful post - thank you. the book looks great too - have ordered.

Thank you JCJC777. You have a wonderful Christmas.

Bro im not a marriage councilor, im a doctor, but from what i can tell you are making your wife feel like she unneeded and unheard, she feels as if she is being pushed out of your life, you are truely blessed to have a loving wife, don't lose her.

actually Christmas was bad. The normal process steps of (1) intense and complex social interactions exhausting my capacity to track and understand what's going on, to try to interact,(2) I 'lock-up' and become uncommunicative, (3.) my wife and others become upset because I am uncommunicative and 'creating a bad atmosphere'.

Before I've always worked, believed I could overcome the difficulties; tried, and looked for new ideas, methods, ways to try. Right now I feel fading energy, age, weaker, tired, still the pain, less optimism. But I'll probably rebound and keep trying. Maybe I'll get more radical e.g. realise (without telling her) that my relationship with my wife has been a source of real pleasure, the sort that is worth staying alive for; liquid molten gold. And so commit even more to it - i.e.
- give up some other things that are worth much less/nothing, so hopefully I'll have more resources to commit to trying to keep the NT-act going longer
- experiment more with trying less hard to understand what's socially going on, again so I'll have more resources to keep the NT-act going longer.

Interestingly what has been different this time is my recovery time; my wife and I are already in a better place and moving in good directions. Over the last few weeks I think she has begun to realise that I am, genuinely, inside, always 'sailing towards her' even when I'm in a crash state.

It would appear from mechman's posts that he's doing everything he can to improve things, and his wife is happy with the changes that he's made, so I'm not sure how much help that comment is.....

@mechman, well done! I was also diagnosed late in life, and it can be tough but if you love someone you make the effort. Kudos to you