Aging with asperger

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One other good thing about getting older is that all of your friends and enemies are also getting older. I'm thinking of a specific person who has spent DECADES hating me for some imagined slight way back when, but suddenly her memory is starting to go and she no longer remembers that she hates me. Refreshing, especially since I didn't feel I deserved it in the first place.

now that is a pleasant irony

I am now 44, but I think I got a glimpse of my future recently when I was in the hospital and had no visitors for days. The family support system I always thought I had doesn't exist anymore. As I laid in bed watching other people's visitors go by, I thought to myself "Is this what it will be like for me all the time in the not-so-distant future?".

yes, that happened to me also. I suppose there was a good side to that, in that I hadn't been able to bathe for days so at least I didn't have to be embarrassed over my stench with any visitors.

I think part of the problem is that most of us older aspies weren't (or still aren't) diagnosed until late in life. AS didn't really go mainstream until 1994, so of course there's a higher incidence of diagnosed AS in the younger generations.

Before I got my diagnosis, the only socializing I did was in special-interest groups that matched my obsessions at the time. At least there I could talk about things that interested me without much of the NT small talk.

I'm coming a little late into this, so I hope that is OK.

I'm in my early fourties.

I didn't learn about my AS until my late 30's. When I did, I went back through my entire life and analyized it on many levels. It took me awhile to realize my short comings due to the fact that what I had done in the past was normal to myself and therefore just me. I am still learning about myself so in a way, I feel life is still new.

Also, I haven't felt like I have lived my life yet, and I don't have the same attitude I see whith a lot of friends who have gotten set in their ways, so I still see growth and new things to life?

On the other hand...

Looking at AS, I can tell that it is slowly getting worse, which makes sense since I am aging, but it has left me with the feeling of helplessness for my future.

I graduated college back in 1998 and I really have very little to show for it. Though I have hopes for something of career still, looking at what work has been in the last 15 years makes me feel that my choices will be limited and dissapointing.

Part of me feels that knowing my limitations with AS, it is in my best interests to plan/prepare more now for remaining autonomous as long as possible instead of a career. I dunno, it is a little confusing when I think about possible future choices. I am close to my mom and dad, but of course they are much older than me, the years I have left with them is limited. Beyond that I have a few friends, but I will be alone otherwise (I am married, but it is a bad marriage and I can't see it lasting.)

In a way I feel that becoming a recluse is in my best interest since I am socailly at a disadvantage, but that also sound like a cop out.

I just would like to know where to fit in, but the answer may simply all ready be inside of me and I just need to look more.

I am clearer about who I am and my issues. But the issues are not getting easier, in fact some seem more difficult, intractable; so I will need to learn to work around them. Also, being alone feels less safe than it used to, which surprises me. I still like to spend most of every day alone, but appreciate help sometimes now, for example going to the store, etc.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50 and I'm hitting 60 now. Until recently I hadn't worried about the aging part of AS, but, I have come to see that my memory isn't as sharp and my few friends are remarking that I am becoming slightly 'eccentric'.

What hit home was that my best friend, who is only a few years older and also AS, had a stroke a year ago. In the intervening time he has developed dementia and now is nothing more than a shadow of himself shuffling around in a home. That scares me as both of us were relatively fit and neither of us looked our age.

His advantage is that he was married (his wife dumped him in a home after securing everything in her name) so at least someone put him somewhere safe. Me, I've been single for years so the thought of ending up like that is scary at the least. My kids stopped communicating a while back so it looks like the remainder of the journey is a solo effort.

As a result I decided to sort out my 'final solution' now whilst I can and pre-paid for my funeral etc whilst I have the wherewithal to do so.

It's funny that I never worried about getting old, probably because I don't feel old and I never expected to live to retirement for what ever reason. Similarly, I always enjoyed being on my own as I never felt alone, but this whole episode with my buddy has thrown me a curved ball.

I have to say, in all of this, I have had an amazing life and the only thing I regret is that I couldn't find someone to share it with who could stay the distance.

^^^
better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I completely agree. I have a head full of memories

^^^
welcome to our cool club you are a fortunate man to have good memories

Marky 9 - I too feel that my coping skills are decreasing as well.

Sign me up!

Seriously though, I'm 53 now and my parents are both in their 70s and not in great health. I know I won't have them for much longer -- WOW...it's tough to type that "out loud" like that -- so I'm going to have to care for myself. I lived mostly alone for 25 years and did pretty well. But I'm feeling now like I don't know if I'll be able to do it again since I'm so much older now. Like many of you noted, the memory isn't what it was, plus my financial situation isn't great. Even though I'm pretty much set with a place to live -- my mom said she's leaving her place to me -- if she dies before I hit 65, I don't know what I'm going to do for income to pay utilities and so forth. I live in a very rural area with few job opportunities for even young people. I'd like to get another job, but I just don't see me being hired at my age. Yeah, I know...they can't discriminate because of age, No, but they can sure find something else they don't like and emphasize it if they think I'm too old.

I've heard it said many times -- "Getting old ain't for sissies."

Wow...the grammar correct on my computer just tried to replace my "ain't" with "isn't" or "am not". Screw you, correct feature. I'll write how I want.

I use to think I had family support as well, this was while I was living several hundreds/thousands of miles away from my family. Then when I moved back to my home town, no one in my family comes and visits me they only call when they want to spend time with my son. My mom, inparticular, tells me "oh I just don't want to impose"... yeah that's why you spend every waking hour with my sister and only call me when you want to take my son to a movie?

I'm starting to get use to outside of my wife and son I have no family support. I guess I kinda deserve it, I've never been easy to deal with and very standoffish.

Is this the old codgers club?

I am 46 now and I have recently read an article that stated that the symptoms of aspergers get milder as you get older.
That doesn't seem to be the case at all when I take a critical look at myself. I seem to be worse than ever. Maybe I just gave in to it lately, instead of going through the trouble to improve myself. I live like a total reclusive these days and I am rather contented with that to be honest. Some people have the determination to keep pushing themselves which I admire but fail to do myself.

Is that the case with more middle aged and elderly people with aspergers or am I the only one?