A different 4 Stages of Aspergers – Where are You?

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Joined: 13 Aug 2012
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01 May 2013, 2:48 pm

@ Khaoz

I guess if you qualify for benefits, then you are entitled to them.

Usually if one is entitled to a social benefit is because that society has voted that it is fairer to help those members of that society who are in need, rather than to shun them.

It's hypocritical of people to agree with a system, and then resent those that make use of it.

I think many people simply have no idea how easy it is to find yourself vulnerable and in need of some understanding and compassion. Perhaps when they are down on their luck they will realise how callous they have been.

Many systems get abused, but to assume the worst of such beneficiaries is to "throw the baby out with the bathwater"; very silly indeed.

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01 May 2013, 3:20 pm

I agree with you again Tomas73

Don't let them get you down Khaoz!

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MsMarginalized
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01 May 2013, 8:24 pm

khaoz wrote:

Validation, not that it matters. It put me on disability but now the majority of my family are envious that I get money each month without working, after having worked for over 40 years prediagnosis. Now I am called moocher, parasite and every other derogatory name on earth. So now I am really seriously alone, in every conceivable way.

I've been on SS Disability since 1998. No one's ever had the stones to call me a moocher or anything else to my face. I did have one gal in a Pharmacy try to shame me. I got her fired. BLASTING out to a full waiting room: "Are you still on Medicare Part D" is HIGHLY against HIPAA! When I called WalGreens to lodge that complaint-I pointed out that Medicare is an EARNED benefit. I have EARNED it...and now that silly girl will have to get ANOTHER job to pay into MY Medicare (at about 20 y/old I don't see Medicare or SS to be an option for when she retires).

I like to remember the Penguins from Madigascar at moments like that---Danny DeVito's voice "Smile & wave, boys; just smile & wave!"

Last edited by MsMarginalized on 01 May 2013, 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MsMarginalized
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01 May 2013, 8:31 pm

Tomas73 wrote:

When it comes to folks accepting an Autism diagnosis in an adult...they cannot fathom it. To them it just isn't true. And let's face it---MANY people are hypocrites in this day & age (if not about one thing than about another).

Tomas73 wrote:

I think many people simply have no idea how easy it is to find yourself vulnerable and in need of some understanding and compassion. Perhaps when they are down on their luck they will realise how callous they have been.

Many systems get abused, but to assume the worst of such beneficiaries is to "throw the baby out with the bathwater"; very silly indeed.

I would say I'm in the Momentum stage....except that the momentum only ever affected ME. I tried to start NEW relationships w/an explaination of my (what was then called Aspergers) & I got a whole lot of happy-horse-shat head bobs & "Oh, I know what THAT is"....but when the rubber met the road, those exact same "Christian women" judged me with the same REQUIREMENTS they use on ALL people. Not one bit of concession given at ALL. The men in the Congregation DID try...but a bunch of clicky, biotchy women IS a bunch of clicky, biotchy women---in a 'church' or not.

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01 May 2013, 8:56 pm

MsMarginalized wrote:

I tried to start NEW relationships w/an explaination of my (what was then called Aspergers) & I got a whole lot of happy-horse-shat head bobs & "Oh, I know what THAT is"....but when the rubber met the road, those exact same "Christian women" judged me with the same REQUIREMENTS they use on ALL people. Not one bit of concession given at ALL. The men in the Congregation DID try...but a bunch of clicky, biotchy women IS a bunch of clicky, biotchy women---in a 'church' or not.

***Cynicism On***
Well...from my perspective, I think a lot of neurotypicals are simply shallow idiots. This is my conclusion based upon impartial observation over the past 50 years – LOL. :lol:

I am guessing that:
--- The people on the spectrum cannot imagine what it's like to be neurotypical
--- The neurotypicals cannot imagine what it's like to be on the spectrum

Which is why it’s easier to just be by ourselves (or with others like ourselves).
***Cynicism Off***

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01 May 2013, 9:35 pm

Rocket123;
I was raised as nurotypical also. In fact Asperger's (to my knowlage) didn't become a diagnosable condition until the early 90's. I'm a 70's child.

I wasn't successful living as a nurotypical either. And after suffering depression in my early 20's (and it nearly killing me), I went my own way in life. From that point on I understood that I must live for myself and my own expectations. To live according to somebody else's expectation will tear you appart.

Now I'm 46, and only just starting to venture back out looking for a partner. It's a tough world out there, and I get hurt often. But I'm stronger now too, I will win this game, the challange is to do it on my terms not somebody else;s terms (expectations). But it is difficult, no doubt about that...

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01 May 2013, 9:49 pm

Rocket123 wrote:

Well...from my perspective, I think a lot of neurotypical are simply shallow idiots. This is my conclusion based upon impartial observation over the past 50 years

God; I so agree with this.

I taught myself oil painting, and as you might imagine my work, is detailed and spectacular. Of course it didn't start out that way. But I get so many comments by people "I wish I could do work like that" or "I wish I had the patience for that". I have put much effort and encouragement into getting people to do something, anything. But despite their talk, they just won't even sit down and put 30 minutes of effort into something they "say" they really want to do.

While I often wish I could have a relationship (just like the neurotypical). I so don't want to be "like" them. LOL

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01 May 2013, 10:02 pm

GregCav wrote:

Now I'm 46, and only just starting to venture back out looking for a partner. It's a tough world out there, and I get hurt often. But I'm stronger now too, I will win this game, the challange is to do it on my terms not somebody else;s terms (expectations). But it is difficult, no doubt about that...

Regarding a partner…Continue your search. I was fortunate enough to find a very sweet and caring neurotypical, who accepted me for who I am. We have had our difficult moments over the span of our relationship, but I appreciate her now more than ever.

Regarding the tough world…It is tough. But something tells me that our difference is also gift. This gift is likely individual (i.e. it is slightly different for each of us – depending upon where we are on the spectrum and any person-specific wiring). Our individual challenge is to turn it into an advantage. My guess is, that if we were in charge, the world would be a better, more humane place.

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01 May 2013, 10:19 pm

I second Rockets motion, GregCav!

My DH is my 2nd husband (that first idiot is a typical NT!), anyways, my DH & I celebrated our 20th anniversary last December. He's been through it ALL with me. The Aspergers dx was NOT a surprise to him (he said it "fit" with the way I am)

THANK GOD my DH is so loving & supportive! I would truly be alone without him.

Tomas73
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02 May 2013, 3:40 am

MsMarginalized wrote:

I did have one gal in a Pharmacy try to shame me. I got her fired. [/b]

Yes!

Justice.

Tomas73
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02 May 2013, 3:43 am

Rocket123 wrote:

***Cynicism On***
Well...from my perspective, I think a lot of neurotypicals are simply shallow idiots. This is my conclusion based upon impartial observation over the past 50 years – LOL. :lol:

You can add my 39 years to that.

Tomas73
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02 May 2013, 3:49 am

GregCav wrote:

Wow, me too GregCav! ' a very similar story here - we are not alone

btw: I found a loving partner (she's a bit nuts, but we are very close). Happy hunting

Tomas73
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02 May 2013, 3:56 am

Rocket123 wrote:

Our individual challenge is to turn it into an advantage. My guess is, that if we were in charge, the world would be a better, more humane place.

"Hear, hear!" (I concur)

Faye712
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02 May 2013, 5:13 pm

Tomas73 wrote:

In some cases you may find, as I did, that there is very little feeling of validation, if no-one is interested in the diagnosis. I explained the scenario to my brother, and he changed the conversation. My mother thinks she understood me anyway, but is well off base a lot of the time. Girlfriend, has shown some remorse about being harsh and critical, yet continues to be so. No-one else gives a sh**, naturally.

I am currently endeavouring to move on irrespective of this lack of support.

The diagnosis has still been very good for my own understanding of myself.

I was diagnosed about 2 months ago now and find myself feeling just like the above quote. At first I was like, this is awesome, now I can explain myself to others and things will get better. WAY WRONG ANSWER, at least in my case. Starting to feel very depressed about myself and that I am defective again.

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Dantac
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02 May 2013, 5:14 pm

Rocket123 wrote:

I read an interesting blog post describing the 4 Stages of Aspergers. See http://qw88nb88.wordpress.com/2008/11/2 ... o-through/

I have included the stages below:

Quote:

Relief

Oh, thank goodness! Things finally make sense. “Of course! Why didn’t I figure this out sooner?“

Validation

You knew that something was different, and now you have an Official Diagnosis to show your extended family, friends, neighbors, school, or office that, “Yes, I’m not being lazy, stupid, or hypochondriac.” (And yes, I actually know what I’m talking about, more often than not.)

Momentum

A shiny new diagnosis gives you the means to move forwards and get some assistance, accommodations, treatment, medication, or whatever else is appropriate in your case. You are now un-stuck from the limbo of the have-suspicions-but-undiagnosed. Whee, progress!

Camaraderie

“Hey, I’m not alone! There are other people out here dealing with the same issues!” They can help me figure out how to do things, how to get what I need, and I can learn from them so I don’t have to re-invent the wheel. Plus, they provide moral support when I’m down, and an ear when I need to b***h, and they will serve as reality-checks and let me know when I’m being foolish or spouting off nonsense.

I was just recently diagnosed. I am at Relief. Where are you and what do you think of these stages?

I'm at #5: Epiphany: I'm still screwed.

JCJC777
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04 May 2013, 4:57 am

Dantac wrote:

Rocket123 wrote:

I read an interesting blog post describing the 4 Stages of Aspergers. See http://qw88nb88.wordpress.com/2008/11/2 ... o-through/

I have included the stages below:

Quote:

I was just recently diagnosed. I am at Relief. Where are you and what do you think of these stages?

I'm at #5: Epiphany: I'm still screwed.

Totally agree; that's where I'm at also.

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